Bitter!

Now I am home. It’s a Thursday evening and it has been a long day. Up at 7:30, at the bus stop at 8:30 and in the cigar shack at 9:30. I got through alright, after a few decisions on how to get through the day. Some Facebook friends were dropped.

Didn’t need to deal with their shit anymore since I usually have to deal with their shit face to face. Now it’s only face to face, no phoniness. Its more ‘professional’ wouldn’t you say? The day was slow enough and also had an empty promise that was repeated from yesterday.

I didn’t believe it then and I didn’t believe it today. I have also decided not to give any sales away, even after I hit my personal goal. I used to do it but since no one else does it, so why should I? From now on it will be all mine. I couldn’t really expect others to do what I do.

That would be impossible I guess and unfair to them. It’s a burden, such a burden, oh what a burden to be so relied upon. You can thank Brian Eno for that line, or rather, I can thank Brian Eno.

I was aloof most of the day, while friendly and sociable. I guess I am that way right now. Bill is sitting behind me watching Lawn hors d’œuvre on his iPad and I sit here in front of the computer with my back to him. He offered to turn on the TV but he’s in the middle of his show and whatever I wanted to watch is being recorded so I can watch it anytime.

So the only sound is Sam Waterson & Carey Lowell talking about a case. A deal is struck, the ominous closing music is playing as Waterson & Lowell close the show. Bill probably has another episode on schedule I’m sure. He just turned on 30 Rock and I just turned down the volume instead of listening to the last 6 minutes.

Yeah I’m ambivalent tonight. Tomorrow is a day off and you know what? I really don’t care. Pathetic isn’t it? And it has been quite a struggle to write this much so far. Nothing to write about really. Not that there ever is.

I’ve slowly started looking for a new job again. Nothing major, just an email to useless staffing agencies. One out of three responded to my email. I try to send an email every couple of weeks but I am sure I have been binned.

No response makes me feel like I am a hopeless case. The longer I am out of the office environment means it will be more difficult to get back into that situation. In June I will have been at the cigar shack for 2 years. Nothing to be proud of I’m afraid.

Yes it’s a job and yes I am grateful to have a job but it is stressful. Sell sell sell all the time. No sitting down, which more than likely accounts for the weight I have lost. I haven’t needed to unfasten my trousers when I take them off in about a year. I remove my braces and can easily slide right out of them. What an accomplishment!

That’s it. I hit over 500 words for today. No mas.




08 No Clocks