whachagonnado?

Monday, May 25, 2026, Memorial Day. It used to be a big day growing up. There was the Saddle Brook Memorial Day parade that I marched in once or twice with the Junior Rifle Squad. We trained and rehearsed for weeks beforehand, in the streets around the Saddle Brook American Legion on the Garfield border.

We had a uniform of a cowboy hat, a blue shirt with patches on it, epaulets, and thick navy blue trousers with a yellow gold stripe along the sides. And spats for our black shoes. It was a complete waste of time and only something that was done to make the parents and adults feel good.

People like me who were pacifists but didn’t know it, went along with it or else. We had dummy rifles that we would twirl and present arms as well as throwing them to other members of the Junior Rifle Squad in a hopefully precise drill. Sometimes we caught them, sometimes we didn’t.

Before I was a member of the Junior Rifle Squad I was one of the great unwashed kids who would pick up the empty rifle shells once they cooled off following a 21 gun salute at the top of the hill on Market Street where the Gulf Station used to be. I would collect them with the other children of alcoholic veterans once they cooled off and treated them like they were precious items, not realizing a day later they would be forgotten and more than likely thrown out.

As the hours went past, the adults got more and more tipsy and the kids would be more and more rambunctious. The parade was usually on a Sunday, allowing the Monday holiday to be a day to tend to their hangovers and for the kids to count the days until the end of school.

In the present day it’s been quite a humdrum weekend, filled with rain and yesterday filled with antagonism. Bill was around and that was great. Mike was supposed to come around Saturday but begged off due to the rain. And yesterday, which should have been the replacement day, was also filled with rain.

I went to the supermarket both days alone and while annoyed with Mike who wanted to spend time with Bill, I was a bit relieved. I had the awakening that I was glad things had cooled quite a bit between us. Gone are the sexual games, settling in on friendship, and I expressed that in a text to Mike while talking to him on another social media platform.

Unfortunately, the timing was off. I was in the midst of a good chat with Mike, who spied the other platform expressing my happiness of being friends rather than something else. It derailed the good chat we were having and turned into a spiral of hurt and confusion. We went to our respective corners.

I could not talk to Bill about the situation, and Mike could not talk to his beloved about it either. So we sat by ourselves licking our wounds. Bill and I watched the Martin Short documentary, which was sweet.

Mike more than likely chatted in direct messages to his hundreds of followers, telling them how he would like to be with them doing things that I used to hope we would do to each other. Don’t ask how I know, it was a bit underhanded on my part.

So much so that it takes willpower not to do it again, which would only upset me. Mike and I did have a good long talk before bedtime for Bonzo. Apologies were made and accepted. We are a family, Bill, Mike, Me and the beloved, Wade.

A chosen family that still has the hang ups of a flesh and blood family.

whachagonnado?

Past Over

Magnet and Steel popped into my head this morning. Good song, reminiscent of Fleetwood Mac which is just as well since Stevie Nicks sings background vocals and Lindsey Buckingham provides backing vocals as well as production duties. 1978 it was, and it was 48 friggin’ years ago. I was 14 going on 15, and my world was changing all around me as well as inside of me. For some reason, I picture the song being performed on the Mike Douglas Show.

The Roses of Kay Benkovitch. When I walk my route to the Path train in the morning I see a few rose bushes. I am reminded of Kay Benkovitch. The Benkovitch family lived across the street from my family. They were good people, solid and dependable. Kay was married to Jon and they had two sons, Bobby and Jay. Kay was sensitive, and may have had a nervous breakdown at some point in her life on Riverview Avenue.

Their house was next to the playground, and Kay had rose bushes on the side of the house where the playground was. Those roses would sometimes grow through the playground fence making them fair game for suburban kids of Riverview Avenue to smash them to bits. That is the memory I have when walking to the Path train and seeing the roses growing outward.

A Dream with Kate Dunn. Kate Dunn and Doug Maxson. Good people that I have not seen in about 40 years. Their son, whose name I cannot remember (Raphael), is in his thirties now. Doug & Kate were from Louisville, and were part of a minor migration to Hoboken in the eighties with Antietam and the various musicians involved.

One out of the three people in Antietam who are not Tim and Tara, I remember fondly, Mike Weinert. Doug was a good artist and a funny guy. Kate was the sensible one, yet sometimes a coconspirator in Doug’s shenanigans. I am friends with Tara on the social medias

In the dream I was in a room with Kate who I hadn’t seen in ages and we had a hug and I was taken aback by the thickness of Kate’s eyeglasses and how scratched up they appeared to be. It was as cordial as it ever was. Doug and Kate were close to my former roommate, Kevin, as well as the denizens of what used to be 923 Garden Street. I was just a satellite of all that I suppose.

My first space in Hoboken was an illegal loft at 1st St and Park Ave. I had a roommate named Nolan Poole and some guy who was in a band called the Malkotians. My part of the loft was next to an elevator shaft, filled with stagnant water where mosquitoes bred 10 months out of the year.

After a few weeks of living in the loft, I was swollen with mosquito bites. They asked me if I was going to stay and that day I said yes. The next day I announced I was moving out much to their dismay. Luckily, Doug & Kate were living in a local hotel in Hoboken and were looking for a spot. They did not mind the mosquito situation and moved in. It was a seamless transition it was.

So long ago, time does fly.

Now I am listening to David Bowie 1. Outside. I remember seeing David Bowie on Letterman in 1995. David and his band were performing The Hearts Filthy Lesson and it seemed a return to form for the Dame. The Dame is a name the UK Music press gave David Bowie and I thought it was funny. Not sure if David felt the same.

I do remember having a bit of a breakdown when working at Right Track Recording and playing this CD. I think it was during a song called The Motel. I just remember everything getting bleak for a while back then. Not one of my favorite tracks, and easily overlooked and passed over.

Now I am playing Cosmic Thing by the B-52s. I am almost done with one of those 33 ⅓ books about music. This one was about Cosmic Thing. It was enjoyable, written by a queer young man from Toronto, and he places everything in that context which is fine but just not the method I would use. I don’t like the term ‘queer’ anyhow, and bristle when I am called ‘queer’. Growing up it was derogatory and I preferred Gay. I still do.