The dictation begins once again. I am at the usual fruit stand at my usual desk during the usual things and I am as usual happy to be here. Bill is in Pennsylvania on the road for a couple of days. Mike is coming over tonight since he’s getting a TV delivered tomorrow to my crib and his beloved Wade has (a raider stick) arranged it.

It is a very nice day it is a Thursday before a 3-day weekend so there’s that hanging in the air. At that horrible place that I used to work at at least they give you a half a day on a three-day weekend but not this fruit stand (business no surgery Bob) no siree bob.

Still it’s good to be working. Still trying to get my job I thought Primark would be a good thing but they haven’t gotten in touch with him so it’s a waiting game I suppose. I spent my lunch (wondering)wandering around the village to a dispensary and then to Wendy’s to pick up my lunch.

I heard a rude boy, True Dee was stopping by the office so I didn’t want to be late since the rude boy, True Dee is known to be a (North) Narc and I arrived back in time to find out that he will not be showing up that’s stupid rude boy.

Bill and I watched the latest episode of Ted Lasso last night and there was a bit off but it remains to be seen again which is what we seem to do. I look forward to sleeping in the next couple of days. (I don’t know what the bank is going to do.) I don’t know what Mike is going to do.

He has a TV being delivered so whether you just hang around with the TV in the hallway or in the apartment or we just get the TV and go back to his crib and set it up that way?

I suppose it remains to be seen. Mike has some errands to run and he’s not expected over until later tonight at which point I should probably be in bed so if you just ring the bell I’ll have to let him in and I’ll just stay in bed because all I really want to do is sleep.

I do hope a bike ride is in the works for this weekend since the weekends will be running down and the weather will be too cold to do a decent bike ride although perhaps it might be a good thing to do it when it’s cold so I won’t be sweating as much but I will sweat in the cold air will probably make me sick or perhaps kill me.

I was reading Amy Rigby and her blog the other day and she wrote about how her brother (well) while bicycle riding with a friend he’s known all of his life, had a heart attack while riding. That struck me as being a little too close to home. At least he had his friend to help him and to get him to the hospital, whereas I ride by myself and there will be no one to help me.

This is what occupies (by thoughts) my thoughts

And with (that) that’s 540 words dictated within 5 minutes. And there are errors that will be corrected when I get home tonight…so there!

This afternoon, when I got back I worked a list for the fruit stand, 68 requests that I happily fulfilled. I researched where these requests would wind up and albelled each accordingly. I sent the responses back and an hour later saw an email from Yancy telling me not to sent those reponses.

Everything went south from there. The TV which was scheduled for delivery tomorrow was updated for tonight. Now is tonight and there is no TV.

I doubt that Yancy has hung onto the situation, but here I am seemingly unable to shake it off.

Crippled inside

Billy Hunt- the song by the jam playing in my head right now as I walk to the PATH train at 7:10 a.m. Once again I am dictating. I’m reminded of what Truman (tripping) Capote said about Jack Kerouac: “that’s not writing that’s typing” Well in this event that’s not typing that’s speaking.

Now Orange Juice with Lovesick plays in my head.

At the fruit stand once more. It is quiet at the moment. I had an impromptu training course with Yancy which opened the traumatic wounds of education throughout my life. Information is thrown at me. I do my best to absorb it all. I try to take notes and it doesn’t seem to work because when I look at my notes they don’t make any sense at all and I’m the one who wrote them.

I try to explain that the job might be easier handled if I get to play around with these programs on my own time, and Yancy keeps explaining that it’s okay to make mistakes, trying to figure me out on this program which brings Marcus and his suggestion and telling me that no one wants to see me fail.

It was a reminder of how I was taught. Nowadays it seems children, students have more hands-on training then I did growing up. Basically I was thrown in the deep end.

I recall being summoned to the blackboard to do a math equation and I could not do it and I stood there crying. The class ended. My classmates went to the next class. The nun who was running the class had me stand there while the new class came in wondering why I was still there and crying.

Just a bit of trauma in my educational history. And it’s that trauma on which I built my schooling.
Just running that down had those bad memories resurface. I was in an online chat with people I went to grammar school with and they were talking about how this certain nun (none) was the best, so nice and everything.

It’s not the same nun (none) I was talking about that made me stand up by the board but a different nun (none) that kicked me over because I did not know how to do my confession properly so I deserve to be beaten. This is the type of nun (none) that my former classmates admired whereas I carry the trauma

It does explain a lot- generations after me at an easier time with their education whereas I was just thrown into the mill. Today’s kids seem to have classes built around them but my generation were just thrown right into it and here I am 50 years later still licking my wounds

Sister Mary Octavian
Sister Annelle
Sister Timothy
Sister Christine Marie

This afternoon, I was working alongside Violet again. A woman had a problem with fruit stand access which needed the program that Yancy was showing me this morning. The method Yancy used might’ve worked for other people at the fruit stand but it made me nervous.

A few hours later I needed to help that woman out. Violet came over and directed me on what to do. Easy going. Enter this. Click that. Move that. Put this in. Now send. Tah dah! It was so understandable. Nothing against Yancy but Violet’s method was a breath of free air.

It made all the difference.