That’s how she began. No. Absolutely. Yes. I don’t remember the context. Right now I’m in an on camera meeting. I try to keep a low profile, but being on camera that’s not so easy. We all have a turn to speak on camera, whether we want to or not. I mentioned working in the belly of the fruit stand and thanked my teammates by name, Janis, Kimberly, Violet and Yancy.

That was it. It took less than 30 secs and no need for a follow up. This weekend is Halloween and it’s on a Saturday. A lot of people work from home so there is an office event today, Thursday. It’s in the belly of the fruit stand and I am not there today so my presence is not asked for nor required.

I will be required to attend a meeting in person tomorrow morning. Once a month is all they ask and I try to get that going to my advantage. Maybe a few extra minutes of sleep, that’s what I’m after. If I can, and I think I can, I will be grateful. Right now I feel like I could sleep, perhaps nap. But once again, it’s not my decision.

The decision was made by Yancy to postpone tomorrow’s meeting until Friday the 13th in November. No extra sleep for little old me.

I do have decisions that I wrestle with from time to time. Usually about cigars. I am addicted to cigars. Every now and then I tell myself I should not order more, but then I find myself ordering more. I’m a weakling it seems but it is something I keep going back to.

I just had a psychic flash of Connie. Specifically riding through Sandy Hook National Park. It’s been a while since I last tried communicating with her. I’ve left voicemail and Connie is not too tech savvy, even with the most basic apps like voicemail. I just sent a text to a mutual friend who might know better than anyone who is not a Poulakos

He does try to be clever, this friend, and at one time I’m sure he might’ve been. But that was like over 30 years ago or so. I maybe wrong but that is all I got. He’s trying to arrange a FaceTime group which might be more than the old girl can handle.

I certainly ate a lot this morning. Now I’m not hungry, the clock says otherwise.

I’ve been doing my writing on the iPad and it’s mostly been good though sometimes
it has a mind of it’s own.

There’s a guy here that wants to go out for drinks after work sometime. I’m not much of a drinker these days. Though I’m sure a beer wouldn’t be too much trouble, at the end of the day I just want to go home. He’s a good looking Indian dude, definitely queer.

Then there is a new guy who just gave me a snow globe. I’m not sure of his sexuality. We get along fine. I mentioned the snow globe makes me think of Barbara from Ted Lasso and we started how much we both love Ted Lasso. He’s only seen the first season so we couldn’t get much further than that.

So maybe there are two fellas interested in me. And then there is the brother holding the door at Wendy’s. Oh he’s a bit rough around the edges, got the Durag goin’,and he’s got a voice that would sound great in the bedroom. I interact with him maybe once a week, but this week has been twice. I give him $2.00 just for holding the door, a small price to pay for proximity to his overwhelming machismo.

It’s all just a fantasy, nothing will come of it. And I am fine with that.

Patrick Stewart died today. Barbara Barrie died yesterday.

My coworker Violet just went to see what costume Kimberly is wearing today. Apparently, Kimberly was a rabbit on Monday, a vampire yesterday. Today being Wednesday, a new costume is expected. Kimberly is a twenty something sweetie pie. I think I am the same age as her father. She has remarked that I say and do the same thing as her pater familias, similar senses of humor etc. I am flattered.

The trains. They were crowded once again but I knew where I needed to stand. I finished a Kurt Vonnegut short story that had taken me over a week to read. I hope there are other Vonnegut stories to read. I’ve been enjoying them. I used to see Kurt Vonnegut walking around the neighborhood when I worked driving a van from Saddle Brook to 757 Third Avenue in Manhattan. He had a townhouse on 48th street and my parking garage was on 47th Street

A few weeks ago, I scanned Mike’s DMs. I shouldn’t have but I did and was intrigued by some avenues he was pursuing. It was something I had flirted with and was powerfully erotic. I soon lost interest, distracted by many other things. It eroticized things for a few minutes. And it was fun in that moment. A quick one while he’s away, like The Who sang.

Mike asked me if I still looked at his direct messages, DMs and I answered honestly that I hadn’t in a while. Since he was last there with his occult fetish. He might not believe me and that’s fine. In any event I’m not going there anymore

In the midst of the direct message kerfuffle, Mike proceeded to tell me of a realistic dream he had where I was upset that he was not pulling his weight in the job search. To tell the truth, i didn’t think that until he brought it up. It does seem that I scour the net looking for job opportunities for him and as far as I know, he just posts and chats with his online friends and admirers of which, at last count, there are over 22,000 followers.

I decided not to call Mike on my lunch break but let him know he can call me, or we can talk when I get home tonight. He called and accepted my apology for reading his text messages. He also reminded me of when he was in the apartment and went through my things,

I had forgotten about it. It was my things he went through, not Bill’s and though I was surprised I forgave him and moved on. Honestly I didn’t think about it until he brought it up. He reminded me of how hurt I looked and I am sure I did look hurt. Was it the same thing?

I resolve not to read his DMs anymore. None of my business. In fact, I will cut back on internet things with him. He has over 22000 followers, perhaps one of them could help him get a job. Reading the DMs did elicit jealous feelings in me, mainly why does he have so many followers?

He posts explicit things and I do not. Modesty prevails.

Hours later, things are sane once again. Gotta move on, keep moving forward. I know I can be such a moody bitch if I don’t eat properly, and I suppose I was just that.