Waking up in the middle of sleep thinking it was time to wake up, only to find I have 6 more hours, 4 more, 2 hours, 1 hour… it stinks

And now the THC drink story.

I came home last night after talking with Bill & Mike on the phone. It was a difficult day and things did not get better after that. Mike was hesitant to come over thinking Bill and I were at odds. Bill was in a mood because of my helping Mile, who also had keys to the apartment. That was an accident on Mike’s part, and Bill hadn a screw face about it.

I didn’t see the big deal since Mike had been staying in the apartment for over 2 weeks with come & go privileges. I think the reason what Bill was feeling the way he was was because he’s still playing catch up with his finances and had no money for a summer holiday for a few days. Of course he could not come right out and say such a thing. It needed to be extracted like a rotten tooth.

I ate a tuna sandwich as Bill stewed in front of the TV. I did what I could to make peace and things seemed to be headed in that direction. After eating I assumed my position on the throne before the computer and looked forward to Jeopardy.

Lately Bill has been drinking some sort of power drinks. They don’t look like Coke or Pepsi cans. I noticed a can on the table between Bill and myself and saw he was drinking a THC soda that I had bought in January. I told him that as he was starting to feel tingly all over.

Bill was surprised at this turn of events and I did my best to calm him down. He was anxious and a bit scared. I set him up in bed, hoping he’d be able to sleep it off but actually it was just beginning. He was in a rocket ship taking off and there was no turning back.

I was talking to Mike on the phone when I heard some moans from the bedroom. Hanging up with Mike I walked into the bedroom to see Bill really freaking out. I held him, I consoled him, I stroked him, and let him know that everything was going to be OK. He asked a few times if he was having a stroke and I assured him that he was not. He was also worried that he was scaring me, and I told him that he wasn’t.

It was touch and go after that. He felt well enough to come to the TV room and watch TV. I did program some Brian Eno ambient pieces, which worked for a while but not enough to calm him down. I tried the movie, A Hard Day’s Night but it didn’t work. Then an episode of Bob Ross, since Bill always found him soothing. That did not work either.

Finally, I hit the jackpot with episodes of Batman from the 1960s. Bill was enthralled with the colors and silly plot. He was laughing, yelling, and having a good time. Everything I spoke with Bill about was very positive and reassuring. I made sure Bill was having a good time, that he was in a safe space with someone who loved him.

I recorded parts of Bill’s experience, and I have yet to watch the recording. I think Bill and I will watch tonight when I get home.

Today, May 4, 2026. A Monday that finds itself lacking. On Friday, I wrote what I wrote when I got home, off the top of my head. Over 600 words if I recall correctly. Work was good last Friday and when I got home it was all downhill. Being at work was better than being at home. Mike was not around, and Bill was around.

Bill’s been waylaid by his back, or whatever shoots down his legs and causes him pain. I’ve told him solutions or remedies that I had used over 30 years ago when my back was messed up. But he does not heed them and therefore has recurring problems with his spine. His diet is not the best either. His weight seems to be improving, but I can’t tell for sure.

We had a stroll over to the big supermarket and a discussion regarding the summer. Where we used to go to Ocean Grove for a few days each summer, we’re not going this year. Last year we did not go since Bill was rehearsing for the awful play Postal Madness.

He got paid for his participation but not until the play was finished, and that meant about a month and a half. I could be wrong on the exact time, but it seemed like it was that long. And it fucked him up financially and he is still feeling the effects of that. And I am feeling the effect of that since we are not going this summer.

I can’t help but wonder if he would have said anything if I did not bring it up. He more than likely would not have since his avoidance game is top notch. I spent some time this morning looking at various spots that I might be able to go on holiday by myself and the truth is, it is a lot easier if there is someone else to share the expenses.

And this year there is not. There may be some things that need to be removed from my body so going in the sun at the beach might not be such a good idea though I can’t really say right now. I’m disappointed. I’m hurt. I’m confused.

That was started upstairs and now I am outside dictating into my phone. I have eaten so I feel somewhat better not bitter still confused. I suppose bill and I will have to have some sort of talk tonight or at least very soon with regards to summer plans.

Mike had a willing ear to listen to my tale of woe and he still sees it as Bill being abusive to me. I do not think that is the case but the truth is, bill and I are stuck with each other. 26 years one can’t live without the other, or at least live comfortably.

Personally, right now, I am conflicted hahaha. I found myself looking forward to going to work today, while at home yesterday. That is something that rarely happens since I am most often afflicted with Sunday night blues and it didn’t happen yesterday but I was so bored that it felt that work would be a better place to be at

Quite possibly the best thing about yesterday was running into RoDa at the supermarket. I know he has his battles but he is a font of positivity a lot of the time and yesterday was just like that

Yesterday, May 3rd was the 7th anniversary of my brother Frank’s passing. Not a happy day, that probably added to the way I was feeling. I used to think I was more aware of things like that but I am beginning to realize that even if I’m not aware ( and I usually am) these things will go on without me yet include me and affect me as time goes on.

The death of a sibling is never easy to get over and one probably shouldn’t.

And it may be a good thing that we are not going down the shore. I need to find a dermatologist to have some things- looked at, things that will probably need to be removed, things caused by exposure to the sun.

Tonight at the apartment is a whole ‘nother ball of wax…