Delta Dawn

I saw Marty Nathan on my way to work today. He was someone I worked with at All Saints Episcopal Day School from 2013 to 2014. I needed work, and the position appeared, and I had forgotten how much I disliked school. My prior experience was in front of the desk, and that time I was behind the desk. The students liked me. The parents liked me. The staff that I worked with and supported did not. I mainly felt the same way.

Nicole Kemp showed me the ropes while poisoning the well. I did my best, though. There was a flamboyant former USMC who asked me a few times which students I thought were gay. That was off-putting, and I couldn’t get away from the blonde leatherneck fast enough. Marty was alright, though. Like me, Marty got the gig thanks to the generosity of the brother of the head of school

I was thinking, though, that I saw Marty years ago and was full of happiness and my improved station in employment. I didn’t gloat, and I wasn’t jumping for joy. But it wasn’t a good fit for me. When they let me go, I expressed my relief, which caused the head of the school to leave the room as soon as she could. Looking at the faculty roster today, most everyone I worked with 13 years ago is no longer there. Looking at the faces of this new group, it’s hard to see which ones are backstabbers like 13 years ago.

Bill is heading out West today and then heading north. He drives me crazy on a bus, and then I miss him terribly until he returns to drive me crazy in a bus once again. I told Mike to come over tomorrow instead of tonight since I have a big day tomorrow and need a good night’s sleep. The meeting is at the main fruit stand at 9 AM, which could afford me an extra hour of sleep if I play my cards right.

The one formerly known as Lex Luthor is out this past week and probably next week as well. Marcus was a bit of a pain in the ass yesterday with regard to direct messages, and I always lead off with a harmless “Hello,” which he does not like.

That colored my view of him for the moment, which carried over to this morning. I was entering my hours for the week, and mainly a repetitive process, but he saw it as being aggressive and asked if we had smoke which we don’t. I should not help coworkers with their food orders.

Six hours left in the workday.

I just had a flash of recognition. Years ago, in 2013, working at Maxwell’s, a few months before All Saints Episcopal Day School. It certainly wasn’t the freewheeling time it used to be. And Todd, son of Abram, was envious of the friendship between RoDa and me. He also found out about this here blog and insisted that I was writing posts while working, and at that time I was all thumbs with regard to that. Now I am writing on my phone for posting later in the day.

Now I am home, not in the best spirits. I had to deal with the agency that placed me at the fruit stand. They want 5 goals for 2026. I hemmed and hawed and came up with 5 goals which they ‘liked,’ but they could not track any progress with those goals, so the goals had to go. I tried logging into the website as instructed, but could not use the correct password. I contacted their service desk, which replied that they created a ticket for my request but no one was coming forward with any solution.

Eventually, I was able to figure out a new password and continued into the depths of goal tending. I chatted online with someone who said they could help but could not. If I did not respond within a minute or so, they would ask if I was still there. If they did ot respond within minutes of my asking a question, that was alright.

The fruit stand likes me; the other fruit pickers like me. That is what the agency tells me. But that is not good enough. They’re asking a 63-year-old worker what their goals are and telling them that I just want to go to work, and come home safely at the end of the day, just is not good enough.

Wednesday, February 25. Woke up to a snowstorm outside the window. I wanted to stay in bed, but that was not going to happen. I walked through the apartment, and Bill was up already. I showered and was out the door in my usual time and manner.

Yancy was scheduled to be in the office this morning so I was prepared only to find that he was not coming in. One less thing to worry about. Edu and Adam just arrived, musicians for a session this afternoon. Nice guys.

Another error popped up due to my early morning incomprehension. Yancy has called me out on it and will be mentioned during the Friday morning reception meeting at the major fruit stand. Not looking forward to it, but I have no choice. At least I get some extra sleep since I don’t have to appear until 9 AM.

I really need to slow down and read things carefully. Just because I thought I did doesn’t mean that I had. Anxiety and apprehension once again haunt me. Perhaps I have been letting things slide. I need to focus more. I thought I was, but apparently I haven’t.

So much bullshit is going on right now, no relief in sight. And the treacherous walk to the PATH train provides uneasy steps to the gallows in my mind. Bill is scheduled to be on the road once again from Thursday to Monday or Tuesday.

Am I an idiot? I think about my regrets too often, and then I think about people who say they have no regrets and have to think, what the fuck is up with that? I don’t believe anyone has any regrets or anyone has no regrets, actually. That is no way to live a life, I think of coffee pots, I think of my mother, I think of things I said, I think of things I’ve done, I think of things I didn’t do.

And it all leads me to this present moment, and I’m sitting in the bathroom at home after an arduous day, which wasn’t so bad; most of them were mountains made out of mole hills in my mind. It’s an easy-going job, and the site is greater and upsets the House of Cards that I built. Let’s face it, it’s fucked up, but I made it home in one piece. Some people don’t even get that, and I am grateful that I have made it home in one piece.

The Hoboken that I moved to is long gone. The people that I was friends with from back then have moved on, or I’m no longer friends with them and would rather not have anything to do with me, probably because they realize I’m an idiot and say some untoward things, which usually after I say it immediately regret saying it.

I am tired, more mental than physical, though I am sure the two will be synced up soon enough. A little bit too much drama today. And over the next two days, more will be expected.