And it was back to work today for me. And not the usual starting time of 12:30. No, last night I got a phone call from Calvin, who when I answered the phone, asked ‘What’s happening Pumpkin?’ Pumpkin? Me?

I told him I was going to call him and let him know I would be in today, and he said that was alright, he wanted me to know that he moved my hours, so that I would be opening the store. Apparently he was pissed off, but cleverly covered it up with ‘Take care my brother.’

If I am his brother I can only hope I was adopted. Apparently, he was pissed because I knew I was getting sick on Tuesday night but did not call until 8:00 on Wednesday morning.

In August when I was sick due to a toothache, I sent an email stating that I wouldn’t be in due to the toothache. On August 18, I received an email stating that it’s company protocol to ‘CALL off sick, not TEXT off sick. It is corporate policy that we hear your sparkling voice to ensure that it is indeed you who is calling off. It’s also faster:). You can feel free to follow up with a text message, but the phone call is mandatory.’ Nice use of the smiley face.

Today, and the actual reason I had to come in earlier than usual was because of the following memo that I had to read in front of Marcus (Calvin was off today) and sign it after I had read it in front of Marcus.

It reads as follows: Company Procedures clearly state, “Sick days should be taken when you are too ill to come to work. You must call your direct supervisor, Calvin Neckbone (212-555-1212) as early as possible to give notice in order to arrange for coverage.”

“You knew you were sick on the evening of Tuesday, December 22, 2010. Further you did not call Calvin directly but rather left a message in the store answering system at 8:00AM on Wednesday December 22, 2010. This resulted in overtime that could have been avoided with proper notice and rearranging of the schedule.”

Then it says, ‘I have read and understand this warning’, which is where I had to sign. The thing is I have never seen this mythical corporate handbook and this was something that Raymond used to mention to me before he got the ax. So I signed it, wishing to be done with the whole thing.

I still wasn’t feeling that well when I came in this morning, still a bit dizzy and feverish, having had to change my t-shirt when I came in since it was drenched in sweat.

Why didn’t I call Calvin directly? Maybe it’s because I had a fever of 103 degrees? Maybe because I didn’t know to call Calvin directly, I thought calling the store would be enough?

When I worked at Wanker Banker under Bobby Risotto, I never dreamed of calling Bobby at home if I was going to be sick the next day. So now I know.

If I get sick in the middle of the night, I will call Calvin at 3:00AM if that is the hour I become sick. I really don’t give a fuck if I wake his lying drunk ass up. He’s a employee who wound up working the extra hours that I couldn’t do.

I also called Bradley up before I left, letting him know that I wasn’t sure if I would be in, and that he might be working a double shift. It’s just as well since the Bradley sold over $20,000 worth of items.

And Calvin makes more money than the Bradley or myself, so his time and a half or maybe even double time (the hours they pay you for are really quite screwy) should have been a nice salve to ease his bald head.

But it wasn’t so he wrote a little note to have me sign in front of Marcus. To make a note of my ‘Failure to follow sick day procedure’. Tomorrow on Christmas Eve, Calvin mentioned that he was going to buy a bottle of Port and let us all smoke a cigar, any cigar in the humidor.

I will not be a part of that. Sean is off as if the other part timer who’s name I’ve forgotten. It will be just Calvin, the Bradley and myself. I haven’t had a cigar since Tuesday and I don’t drink Port, so the party will be just Calvin and the Bradley. I’m on antibiotics anyhow, so no drinking for me anyway.

January can’t get here soon enough for me. A new year and a new job hunt. This place is ridiculous and I want my life back. Discounted cigars just is not worth putting up with this bullshit. FUCK THIS SHIT.

Merry Christmas!