I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder. Actually it was the sound of a building falling down. I woke up, the sky was beige. It was 5:00. I drifted back to sleep deciding to take a mental health day off from work. It was needed. It was an ok day, quite humid with thunderclouds laying low making everything humid. I phoned up Carla the receptionist, actually waking her up to let her know that I wasn’t making it in. After that I went back to sleep to the sound of pouring rain. An hour or so later I woke up and had some coffee.

And coffee, according to Annemarie could be a reason to why I had a meltdown the other night. Mainly it could be that I had too much caffeine in my system which maybe true. I had a diet coke with my burger and fries. Which is unusual since I hardly ever have caffeine after noon time. I still don’t know what happened to me and look back with regret and confusion. I am also trying to forgive myself and was able to actually listen to the Arcade Fire’s songs today, so that’s progress.

I also made burned some cd’s for brother Frank. He gave me a few cd’s the other night that I asked him to burn for me. They’re quite good. He burned XTC Drums and Wires, The Bird and Bee (featuring Lowell George’s daughter) which is very good, a compilation of a semi-obscure Scottish band, Josef K, a collection of Yoko Ono remixes, Lindsay Buckingham’s latest and a mash up collection on a cd labeled Bootie. I haven’t played all of them yet but I have really liked what I’ve heard so far. It was very nice of him to do that.

I in turn burned for Frank Girl Talk, Night Ripper, which is what I was talking to Frank about earlier at Radio City. I also burned Scritti Politti White Bread Black Beer which I think he might like with it’s Beach Boys influence, a compilation of Arcade Fire songs which I didn’t think he had, mixed in with some Bob Dylan and various things I have been listening to the past couple of months, mostly liberally cribbed from cd’s that Juan made for me just to give a sense of indie cred. Maybe Frank heard of some of the music before, maybe not.

Frank called and checked in this morning, Annemarie checking in with email. Even Harpy called telling me to cheer up, which is something I hadn’t considered. Maybe it’s a ten year thing. Last time I had a meltdown like that I was working at Right Track recording and listening to David Bowie’s Outside record which has some very dark corners. Had difficulty listening to that for a while afterwards. Same thing in 1976 with Elton John’s Blue Moves but that was tied into my personal coming out and the alienation I felt from everyone around me.

Damn these existential dilemmas!