Monthly Archives: October 2005

The Jean Genie

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Despite what may have happened I have no idea how all this blood got all over everything. It is truly bizarre. Everything seemed to be going so nicely. I spoke to Mary Ellen who is usually so competent in matters like this, but when the parrot started squawking, that’s when she lost it totally.

I do have to admit that I never saw Mary Ellen actually attack the bird, though once it was over both of the dogs and the cat were silent, transfixed on the carnage. That’s when I supposed their blood lust kicked in and suddenly they all turned on each other with Mary Ellen in the middle.

What could’ve made the animals behave in such a manner? What made Mary Ellen freak out? And why attack a parrot that she had grown to know and love and occasionally take to bed with her?

Yes, It was a strange sight to walk in on her and the parrot when I came home. Her cooing and the parrots squawking was unsettling to say the least. To hear Mary Ellen talking in her sleep, offering a cracker to the parrot was gut wrenching. I turned and shuffled and slept with the dogs and the cat.

At least I felt welcome there.

I should have seen the signs, yet it seemed all so innocent. I’ve seen people take parrots out on the street, exotic birds and what have you, but I’d never seen anyone go to the bathroom with a parrot on their shoulder. Not even in pirate movies.

I must’ve been blind when the night that was supposed to be ‘our’ night at the movies turned out to have been orchestrated by the parrot. So much so that Mary Ellen smuggled the parrot in her bag and when the lights went down she propped him on her shoulder and fed him popcorn that I had paid for. I could’ve made a fuss when she insisted on no butter or salt and the older popcorn would be fine rather than the freshly popped.

But I just kept my mouth shut. I sat on her right and the parrot had the left side. Thankfully no one sat behind us, but towards the end of the film, the usher shined a flashlight at the parrot and we had to make a hasty exit. To this day, I have no idea how the Passion of the Christ ended.

The parrot shit nearly hit the fan though when Mary Ellen brought the parrot to church one Sunday morning. When she approached the altar for communion with the parrot on her shoulder and insisted on a wafer for the bird, I could’ve sworn the priest was going to throw her and the parrot out right then and there. But he gave the parrot some Eucharist and they walked right back to their pew. The parrot turned it’s head and said ‘Body of Christ Squawk’ for at least a half hour.

And now, there’s no parrot, just Mary Ellen, two dogs and a cat all covered with the blood of a parrot. And cracker crumbs that I have to clean up.

Run Me Down

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Last night, oh what a night. Bill and I in the apartment having deep meaningful talk. Bill seems to wish I was like every other gay man. I am not. I am unique. I told him he has a diamond and would rather have a cubic zirconia. I am the diamond if you haven’t figured it out. Now don’t go thinking, ‘what an egomaniac.’ If you know me you’d know that I wasn’t. Or am I?

It was a long talk. I came home and he had the TV on for the sake of noise. He correctly figured out that I would’ve freaked out without something making noise, because initially he wasn’t so chatty. I was stressed out when I came home, and he felt it when we hugged each other hello.

I found out that he spent a year and a half more in the playing field while he left me on the bench for 12 of those months. That wasn’t too cool. And still I forgive.

He mentioned that he was upset with me for rubbing my rendezvous in his face on Wednesday night. I did feel bad about that, but also told him that feeling bad for 2 and a half hours is really nothing compared to feeling the way I was feeling for twelve months. Homeboy does need to get over himself. But I still think he’s a good man. Flawed definitely, but a good man. And like my diamond comment, I too have flaws. Gasp. Clutch the pearls.

Anyway, I do want to work this out. I once again reiterated the fact that couples therapy is in order. This whole situation last night, was not a panacea. The problem is both of us and it’s bigger than both of us. We obviously want to make this thing work. And once again I remind myself that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

There ya go, the old me. Cynical and jaundiced. With a dash of wit.
Or a mote of wit. There’s self-deprecating me.
Hello, good to meet you. I’m John. I’ll be your baby tonight.

Looks promising, no? And there’s me, beating myself up. Something I do quite well. Yeah yeah yeah. Yes it was incredibly douchie for Bill to do what he did, but I too have done some incredibly douchie things in my life. The karmic wheel turns yet again, and it’s run over my foot.

He asked me if I wanted him to stay over, and I said yes. So after the talking he was doing something on his computer as I sat at mine writing last night’s entry. It was nice to have him in bed next to me, and I don’t think either one of us snored.

And there was no sex involved. Spooning, yes.

On a lighter note, I met someone who interview for at the Animal Farm I am employed at. Nice guy, handsome, named John O’Toole. And he didn’t look like Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Drew Carey. Or Robbie Rist, for those that have been playing the game called My Life for a while.

John was a grad student at Columbia and interviewing for some position at the firm. He nattily attired. Nice half Windsor knot in his tie. Darker complexion than me, and had dark brown hair. I stood up and shook his hand with a grin on both of our faces. I asked him how the O’Tooles were doing and he said he had no complaints. Which made me wonder if he was a bona fide O’Toole, because the O’Tooles I know are nothing but complaints. A joke

His interview lasted about a half hour. On his way out I told him to tell everyone I’ll see them for the holidays. I got a kick out of it. I wonder if he did? Everyone in the building security staff that mans the front desk were all a buzz about the ‘other’ John Ozed.

Now that I think of it, he was pre-interviewed the day before and they thought well of him to ask him and someone else for a second round of interviews. Did they bring him in with another candidate for a laugh?

But between John Ozed and the other guy, I would’ve picked John Ozed instead of the other guy, A. Hister.

Definitely.