Tag Archives: Kent State

Keep A Knockin’

Just woke up from a nap. I know, I know, you don’t have a chance to nap and here I am writing about taking a nap. Life just isn’t fair. But you’re probably working (at least when I write this) and I’m not. And taking a nap is an excellent way to not spend money.

Lately I’ve had the blues. It happens from time to time. This time for me it’s a two pronged blues, or perhaps a two chord blues. Partly because from the approach of Mother’s Day. You’d think 19 years would give some relief and maybe it has, but there’s a pang of remorse involved.

Emails and commercials telling me to honor Mom this weekend. Each year around this time my life is tinged with blue.

I took the guitar out and played by the river. At a different spot than usual. Closer to 4th Street then 1st Street and Pier A where I usually play. It was quieter up to a point. Then they started doing some construction on the new pier that is being built and I wound up walking down towards Pier A.

I haven’t seen Tariq lately. Don’t know if he’s in NY or if his girlfriend kicked him out. Last time I saw him he mentioned that he and Francine had been arguing.

I was going to take a walk over by the Hoboken/Jersey City border to see if I could see the baby seal that’s been spotted but opted not to.

I did play Ohio by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young since today is the 40th anniversary of when the Ohio State National Guard opened fire on students at Kent State who were protesting Nixon’s incursion into Cambodia. 4 students killed, 9 wounded, one paralyzed.


And of course those National Guardsmen are probably muffin tops, having a beer with their families. Who knows what they’re thinking, if they’re thinking at all. I’m not sure anyone recognized the chords I was playing and I probably would have sung ‘Ohio’ if there was some accompaniment.

I haven’t heard anything about it being the 40th anniversary on the TV today. I was 7 years old at the time so I really don’t remember anything about it except for Walter Cronkite reporting it on the 7:00 News.

It wasn’t all sturm und drang since I also played ‘Hi Hi Hi’ by Paul McCartney. I played guitar for about 90 minutes before I gave up and came home.

It’s a good thing I don’t depend on people throwing change into my guitar case since I’d be in big trouble. I don’t mind since I’m not in it for the money, though it would be nice. I still have the three dollar bills that someone threw into my case a month or so ago in my song bag.

Symbolism mixed in between song sheets.

Then I came home and didn’t do much at all. My timing was good since it started to rain a bit, a little while after I came home. And that is when I decided to take a nap.

Now I’m here, looking at the rooftops of Hoboken. Looking forward to Lost tonight. Three episodes left, which is really two episodes since the last episode is going to be a two hour extravaganza.

Still sending out resumes, still not hearing anything in return. Sent a thank you email to the people who met with me last Wednesday, but no response from them either.

Straight Lines

Well not soon after posting last night, I put Land of the Lost in the DVD player. I anticipated Bill coming home and wanting to watch it. It seemed silly enough, no thinking required. I could hear Bill climbing up the steps from the lower floors.

He was lumbering as usual and as usual I greeted him at the door with a smile, helping him with his bag. Just something nice to come home to. I know when he does it for me I have a look of ‘what the hell are you doing’ since it doesn’t happen that often.

And it doesn’t happen that often since he’s not home usually when I come home. It’s when he is home, that’s when the look comes out. Probably my father’s patented look. It’s too bad, I know- Bill tries. On the other hand I don’t mind doing it when he comes home.

So tonight he doesn’t seem as cheery and I ask what’s wrong. His knee has been acting up lately and it happened a few times today. Popping actually. And he also seems a bit subdued. He says he’ll be fine. He just wants to relax. He has his box of Cheerios, his Hershey bars.

I sit and continue watching the Office which was a good episode. The 7:30 repeat. Harpy called in the beginning. He’s getting nervous about getting his teeth removed so new choppers can go in. I did my best to reassure that it would be fine when call waiting interrupted, Nature was on the other line.

Harpy got off the phone and I took the other call. After that I settled in to watch Michael and Jan’s dinner party with Pam and Jim and Andy and Angela with Dwight and his former babysitter crashing. It was just the right amount of uncomfortableness to make it hilarious.

Bill asked me about Lois DiLivio’s Shakespeare Reading at McSwells next Sunday. He wasn’t sure whether or not he could make it as he has a play opening the following Monday (which is the day I am starting my new job) but asked me how I felt about the reading last time in December.

I told him I enjoyed it. It was fun, surrounded by mostly friendly faces and familiar people. I got people to laugh as I read my lines from The Merchant of Venice. Bill pulls out a script and asks me if I would read for his reading on Monday. That was surprising.

I was unprepared for it, even though I overheard him talking to the playwright on the phone saying that they needed a white actor. I thought about offering my services but didn’t think anything of it. Now here’s Bill asking me to do the same thing.

Almost immediately anxiety set in.

Yes I would be willing to do this. I explained how nervous it sounded. I would be onstage reading with people I don’t know. Bill said that since I was able to do it at McSwells, so why not again? I tried to tell him that yes I did it at McSwells but I was among people I mainly new, they were friendly and no one else would be paying attention.

Bill mentions my busking, how I can play my guitar in front of total strangers by the river. In my mind I say to myself, those people just keep moving on. No one stands there and pays any mind to what song I may be mangling. And I am basically hiding behind the guitar.

Bill says that people were paying attention to us at McSwells last month. They could hear us, they could see us and they were very interested in what we were doing. I disagreed, since we were in that fish bowl area, behind glass. It wasn’t that crowded, it was early Sunday afternoon. And I was among friends having fun.

Obviously Bill believes in me and had been thinking about it for a few days. I mention that it would have been nice to have been asked a few days ago, now I have to cram this anxiety into 36 hours instead of having the luxury of spreading that anxiety out over a number of days.

We watch Land of the Lost. Bill liked it a lot. I chuckled once or twice but my mind was elsewhere. After the movie and some of the DVD extras he starts to get ready for bed. My silence throughout most of the movie went unnoticed.

Only when he went to kiss me good night did he ask if I was alright. I told him I was really very nervous. He didn’t understand that and said well actors take that nervousness and put it in their acting. I tell him that’s all well and good but I’m not an actor.

‘Well you did it at McSwells’

‘Yes but I was among friends, it was very relaxed and fun. I don’t want to make you look like an idiot for getting me to do this.’

‘Look if you don’t want to do it, fine. I can get someone else. I just thought that this would be good for you.’

‘I said I was going to do it so I will do it. I just wish I had known about it sooner. I mean, I was fine, chilling out at home at 6:00 and now at 10:45 I’m really not so chill anymore.’

‘If you don’t want to…’

‘I said I will do it. Just very nervous. I’ll be with people I don’t know, on a stage, it’s very nerve wracking. And my part, it’s the bad guy.’

My part is the white manager of a black sculptor in 1968 Asbury Park who screws the artist. I’m going to do it, but I guess I have butterflies carrying hand grenades in my stomach. All for the experience I say to myself, all for something out of the ordinary.

And there are typos in the script.

And now I check my email and I have an invite for an interview with an application attached to fill out.

Now it’s an hour or so later. I watched Jazz on a Summer’s Day, another library DVD, disappointed that it was only 20 minutes long. Interesting to look at the jazz fans in the audience grooving to Louis Armstrong.

I also read the script that Bill wants me to read Monday night. It’s not bad, could definitely use some tweaking here and there, some tightening up, but I’m not a script doctor. I will participate though. I’ve highlighted all my lines and creased the pages where they are.

Just some stage fright to deal with.

I wrote that last night. Things are better. I am somewhat more prepared for the reading tomorrow.

I also have a phone interview for another job tomorrow afternoon. Feast or famine it seems. I didn’t take the pre-screening application too seriously. My cheekiness might have worked to my advantage.

If I post tomorrow, it will probably be later since I will be at the reading. So hang tight.

I did run into Julio & Alexander this morning in Church Square Park. While talking to Julio I notice a bird flying in to land on a tree branch. I noticed it had a wider wing span and it wasn’t a seagull. It was actually a hawk.

Julio remarked that it was probably going to eat a squirrel or pigeon. Or mice. A few weeks ago when Bill and I were headed to Chaz’ party, as we entered the park we saw a cat jump out of the bushes. In front of the cat was a mouse that desperately did not want to be dinner.

Anyway, here are some cellphone snaps of the hawk. Of all times, not to have my camera…

Hawk in the center of the photo

Hawk in the center of the photo

as close as I could get with a cellphone camera

as close as I could get with a cellphone camera

Best photo of the hawk I think

Best photo of the hawk I think