Today, May 4, 2026. A Monday that finds itself lacking. On Friday, I wrote what I wrote when I got home, off the top of my head. Over 600 words if I recall correctly. Work was good last Friday and when I got home it was all downhill. Being at work was better than being at home. Mike was not around, and Bill was around.

Bill’s been waylaid by his back, or whatever shoots down his legs and causes him pain. I’ve told him solutions or remedies that I had used over 30 years ago when my back was messed up. But he does not heed them and therefore has recurring problems with his spine. His diet is not the best either. His weight seems to be improving, but I can’t tell for sure.

We had a stroll over to the big supermarket and a discussion regarding the summer. Where we used to go to Ocean Grove for a few days each summer, we’re not going this year. Last year we did not go since Bill was rehearsing for the awful play Postal Madness.

He got paid for his participation but not until the play was finished, and that meant about a month and a half. I could be wrong on the exact time, but it seemed like it was that long. And it fucked him up financially and he is still feeling the effects of that. And I am feeling the effect of that since we are not going this summer.

I can’t help but wonder if he would have said anything if I did not bring it up. He more than likely would not have since his avoidance game is top notch. I spent some time this morning looking at various spots that I might be able to go on holiday by myself and the truth is, it is a lot easier if there is someone else to share the expenses.

And this year there is not. There may be some things that need to be removed from my body so going in the sun at the beach might not be such a good idea though I can’t really say right now. I’m disappointed. I’m hurt. I’m confused.

That was started upstairs and now I am outside dictating into my phone. I have eaten so I feel somewhat better not bitter still confused. I suppose bill and I will have to have some sort of talk tonight or at least very soon with regards to summer plans.

Mike had a willing ear to listen to my tale of woe and he still sees it as Bill being abusive to me. I do not think that is the case but the truth is, bill and I are stuck with each other. 26 years one can’t live without the other, or at least live comfortably.

Personally, right now, I am conflicted hahaha. I found myself looking forward to going to work today, while at home yesterday. That is something that rarely happens since I am most often afflicted with Sunday night blues and it didn’t happen yesterday but I was so bored that it felt that work would be a better place to be at

Quite possibly the best thing about yesterday was running into RoDa at the supermarket. I know he has his battles but he is a font of positivity a lot of the time and yesterday was just like that

Yesterday, May 3rd was the 7th anniversary of my brother Frank’s passing. Not a happy day, that probably added to the way I was feeling. I used to think I was more aware of things like that but I am beginning to realize that even if I’m not aware ( and I usually am) these things will go on without me yet include me and affect me as time goes on.

The death of a sibling is never easy to get over and one probably shouldn’t.

And it may be a good thing that we are not going down the shore. I need to find a dermatologist to have some things- looked at, things that will probably need to be removed, things caused by exposure to the sun.

Tonight at the apartment is a whole ‘nother ball of wax…