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I’m going to do something different. I could be doing it for a day or two or I could very well continue doing it forever. There is no end date in sight you see. Once again, I’m tired. Not of writing. Unfortunately it’s one of the few things I do well.

Other things I do well is self censorship. Keeping my true thoughts and feelings hidden. So I might not be doing that. No, for now, for today, I am only writing this for 2 people, Annemarie & Harpy.

They can do what they want with this. Delete it, spam it, or even repost it somewhere else. It’s up to them. I don’t really care. Just writing at least 500 words to keep up my end of the bargain. I’ve written 1,463 entries since October 2005. All with the promise to myself that I will write at least 500 words.

I’m not breaking that promise.

Harpy, one of the recipients might have a clue as to why I’m not posting anymore. That is, I told him last night why I was thinking about not posting anymore. Whether or not he remembers, is not my concern.

I’m feeling despondent today. Professionally and creatively. Professionally you will understand with me being unemployed. Creatively stems from what I wrote the other day.

Thinking I might get some words of encouragement and support from the 5 subscribers (who never, ever comment and probably do not read those things that I posted), or from people who have told me they read what I write every day.

That would include some family members, mainly my brother Brian and his wife Karen. I understand they have their own dramas going on, dramas that are probably more important than me feeling sorry for myself. My brother Frank did call, surprising me and telling me that he had read the previous entry, but not in so many words.

And it’s obvious that without the support and encouragement that I actually hoped for, I was able to do whatever it was I had to do. Which was to go on a interview.

The interview went well. I was comfortable but that could be from the Xanax that I took yesterday morning.

I’m sure Bill doesn’t read this forsaken blog, but he is supportive in real life. He helped me out yesterday, revamping the resume, and editing things down. I had a really good feeling about this job, despite my trepidation.

After a few edits working with Bill and the counselor I met with I hoped for the best. That was probably a mistake, getting my hopes up.

This morning while taking a shower, I heard my cellphone ring. After I dried myself off I checked the message. It was the counselor asking me to call her back which I did immediately.

She said the company had my resume and would I be available to meet with them either today or tomorrow. I said today since I had such a good feeling about it.

I did not expect a call back about 5 minutes later, the counselor saying that the company has decided to forgo the whole process that was set up and they were not seeing anyone after all.

So it’s been one of those days.

But it was also one of those days that I actually used common sense and didn’t do something that I was going to do. It might have actually made me feel better but ultimately it was foolish.

So I stayed home.

Advantage in Height

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In 1987 I went on a trip to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina with some people from McSwells. Steve Raposito, Susan Sear, Martha Groffin, Julie Meanderhall and Bonnie Hauxhurst.

It was my first and only time that I visited North Carolina. The plan came to being one night at McSwells with the principals involved and it seemed like a fun thing to do. We went in two cars. Martha, Steve, Susan and myself in one car, Julie and Bonnie in the other. Bonnie and Julie were a couple at that time.

It was a long, arduous trip down there. We talked about Blue Velvet which was filmed in North Carolina and was released a year earlier so that added a creepy thrill to this vacation.

I think we went down in May before the summer season. We rented a house across the street from the beach and at the time, the outer banks were still somewhat underdeveloped.

One night after having been there for a few days, Martha, Susan, Steve and I decided to do some LSD. Acid was around quite a bit in the 1980’s. Julie and Bonnie didn’t partake. After an hour the four of us were buzzing nicely and decided to venture out to the beach.

It was quite dark out and somehow I was separated from the other three. Martha also became separated. I recall walking on the beach, singing Walking After Midnight and making a pact with the crabs, telling them I wouldn’t step on them if they stayed out of my way. I

t was a good pact and no crabs were stepped on.

It was only a matter of time when the four of us would meet up again in the darkness. I heard Susan and Steve before I saw them and then the three of us were loud enough for Martha to hear us and reconvene.

Steve and Susan were going on about a penis they found which I believe was a toothbrush holder. Martha actually found a penis sculpture in the sand that was about 10 feet long.

It was quite an impressive sculpture. Perhaps the crabs had something to do with it. The sun came up and we wandered back to the house in the light of dawn.

Not many people were stirring and we needed provisions. I went with someone, could have been Steve, could have been Martha to the generals store where a few townsfolk were there starting up their day.

There was a radio playing Roy Orbison, specifically In Dreams which was also featured in Blue Velvet. Behind the counter was an older woman, older to my 24 year old eyes in a bouffant and skirt dancing around, twirling and singing to Roy Orbison.

I turned to Martha or Steve and asked if they were seeing what I was seeing. They were. We bought whatever it is we were buying, probably cigarettes and got out of there as soon as we could, laughing all the way back to the house.

It probably took a day to recover from the trip. But the vacation wasn’t going to last for me anyhow. On a sightseeing trip, while on a ferry I was suffering from sunstroke and while trying to get to some shade and very angry dog snapped at me causing me more distress.

It got a big laugh from the others, that if I wasn’t doing so well before, the dog snapping at me truly was a side splitter.

It didn’t matter much for me anyhow. A day or so later I was getting on a bus to go to Philadelphia to see Wire playing their first US show in a number of years.

Don’t know why that story came up. I was actually going to write about it the other day. Guess I had nothing else to write about.