Let It Down

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Woke up with a cannabis hangover though I haven’t smoked it in a week now. Perhaps it’s leaving my body, leaving me, well, just leaving me I guess with vivid dreams.

Last night was about someone, maybe Bill switching the tables on me, taking my table which this computer is on and giving me a table I used to have back in Riverview Avenue. It was maybe 2 feet tall and a lot smaller. Don’t know what that is supposed to represent if it’s supposed to represent anything.

I had to get up earlier than I’ve been since I scheduled a visit from PSE&G for this morning between 8:00AM and 12:00PM. I made some coffee and did my usual routine. Online I got an instant message from Vinnie, who I used to work with in the Wanker Banker days.

He asked that I call him as soon as possible and so I did. I contacted Vinnie the other day regarding putting him down as a reference. I was apprehensive since his mother has been sick and in the hospital and I hoped my timing wouldn’t be awful. It wasn’t his mother just came home yesterday.

He was surprised that I’ve been out of work since July and he’d be more than happy to be a reference. We had a good talk and he had a suggestion that I should look into taking a real estate license test, figuring I would be good at that.

Vinnie said if he was going to buy some real estate, he’d buy it from someone like me. The funny thing is, yesterday while ambling around Hoboken where there is a real estate office on almost every block I passed by an office with a sign in their window suggesting a change of career, try real estate.

I thought I might do good in that so it’s actually something I was considering and Vinnie saying the same thing seemed fortuitous. He’s really a good guy and I am glad to have him in my corner. I even sent an email to a friend of Julio’s who did the same thing, got her broker license and now works in real estate.

Who knows? It seems like a good idea right now. I wished Vinnie and his wife and kids a Happy Thanksgiving and made tentative plans to meet up for a coffee down the line.

Walked around a bit today and stopped by a stationary store that had a help wanted sign in their window. I went in and asked if it was an off the books job and it wasn’t. They gave me an application and I started to fill it out, then I said that I was running late and would fill out the application at home and bring it back.

I’m not going to bring it back. I was hoping for a situation like Farfetched but obviously that wasn’t in the cards, so to speak.

Ran out of Stevia and so it was off to the A&P where I ran into Clara a girl I used to work with at that video store almost 20 years ago. She lives around the block and I see her every couple of months. She’s a happily married mom now with 2 kids.

We were close at one point but as it happened we drifted apart after I got fired from the video store after being caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing while in the downward spiral I was in in the months following my mother’s passing.

It was good to see her though, she’s still a sweet heart though time and rumors widened the chasm between us. It was a day where former co-workers from my past popped up.

And then there’s Harpy. He pops up like clockwork. While I’m writing, or eating dinner, Harpy invariably calls. I don’t mind since I love Harpy and I know he loves me.

Had a good talk with my brother Brian last night. He’s a good guy and I love him a lot. We went though a lot of shit together and being the brother closest to me in age, a lot of fighting which he almost always won.

But that was then, here we are now and I consider him not just a brother but a very dear friend. I’m sure he doesn’t understand things about me but I know he’s there for me and I am there for him, lending an ear whenever possible.

Played guitar today as well, learning some Paul Simon songs since if I’m going to be busking, it’s good to play songs that people know, rather than going for songs that maybe be cool to me, but unknown to most.

I mean, I’d love to play All Tomorrows Parties by the Velvet Underground and singing it like Nico would, but really, would the people walking by the riverside know what I was singing? More than likely not, so I’ll play Me & Julio by the Schoolyard or Kodachrome and be happy with that and hopefully get some greenbacks in my guitar case.

And with that, I will wish you all, or the both of you, a very Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t know when I’ll be posting, we’re heading upstate and if we don’t catch the 6:00 train getting into Hoboken around 9:00, we’ll catch the 9:00 train, getting into Hoboken around midnight.

So Happy Thanksgiving from me.

Turn the Heater On

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It’s a Tuesday. Not necessarily a sunny day but it was OK enough to get me out of the apartment after job searching for a good part of the day. Last night’s cannabis free dreams involved being in a taxi on Eighth Avenue with a former co-worker who was a composite of a few different co-workers.

In the dream I started out wandering lost in the Port Authority bus terminal. Larger and more sprawling than it actually is. Caught a cab with the co-worker, and as we sat in traffic the cab driver decided to take a short cut which was basically a parking lot with only one way to get in and out. Bumper to bumper traffic.

The co-worker left when we got back into the traffic and I eventually woke up. Made some coffee, had breakfast and showered. Yes, all blah blah blah. Living on the 5th floor of a building means that it’s generally cooler five stories up than it is on the street.

I usually turn on the heater built into the stove for a little while to warm things up but found that when I went to turn on the heater, there was no heat. I checked and the pilot was out. SO I lay on the floor trying to turn it on to no avail.

I texted Julio to see if he could help me with it, but they have a similar problem with the heater in the bedroom and even a handyman like Julio couldn’t fix it so they’ve been using a space heater. He suggested calling PSE&G for an appointment so they’re scheduled to come here tomorrow between 8AM and 12PM.

And since the stove which is pretty old is not under warranty it could cost us some money for the visit. The stove works, but not the heater. I called Bill and left a voice mail for him.

I’ve been doing good. Avoiding most TV news. No more MSNBC on during the day. Instead I watched the Gilmore Girls and wanted to move to Stars Hollow. I watched a repeat of the Daily Show from last week and then headed out.

Wandered around Hoboken, making my way up to 14th Street and then over to the river. Bill called back a few hours after I called and he was his usual ebullient self. He asked what I was up to and I told him I was walking around Hoboken, glad to get out of the apartment.

I also remarked that I was glad to be away from people and he laughed at how I was alone in the apartment and now alone outside. I told him that there was no one around where I was walking, that that was what I meant.

He asked how I was feeling and I told him I was reluctant to tell him about being a little depressed. He didn’t mind hearing it, saying that I would be there for him if the situation was different. And it’s true, I would be and I have been.

But this has been going on more and more lately, hence my reluctance to say anything. Then Bill had another call and said he’d call me back. That was about 6 hours ago, not that I’m counting. He’s at work and doesn’t need to hear the crap I’m going through.

Walked towards the train station, circled around Pier A. In the distance I saw Tariq, packing up his guitar and heading away from me. I could have yelled out to him but decided not to.

I made my way home, and called my brother Frank. It’s been hit or miss with him lately and decided not to let him interrupt. Told him about the guitar playing and the keyboard playing the other day and even how I’ve been a little bit depressed lately.

He suggested playing the guitar some more and once I got off the phone with him that is exactly what I did. And he was right. It took my mind off my problems and gave me a feeling that I was accomplishing something.

I’m trying to build up a repertoire for when I actually try my hand at busking and for the past couple of hours I’ve been playing Paul Simon songs courtesy of the Ultimate Guitar website.

One song in particular stands out and it’s a from a video by Gary Weis from the early days of Saturday Night Live, just footage of people coming home for the holidays at various terminals and meeting their loved ones.

I always think of Gary Weis’ video when I hear Homeward Bound, and just sent him an email telling him so. Another person sent an email to him saying basically the same thing. A short 3 minute video that resonated so deeply 30 years ago, still resides in my mind and my heart.