Last night Bill and I met up at 45th street and Broadway. There was an Anti-war demonstration at the Army Recruitment Center. It was crowded but able to move about in the triangle island. Would’ve been great if Good Morning America was on. That would’ve been the perfect thing to do. Probably some deal between the city and ABC so that nothing like that ever gets on the air. Not a private space like the Today Show has at Rockefeller Center.
There was one guy walking in the street outside the barricaded triangle calling everyone inside the triangle traitors. Not one for someone else’s free speech. Man, people like this have existed forever. The “You don’t like it? Leave!” set.
It was there that I dropped the bomb on Bill regarding the open relationship scenario, which thus far is a scenario, excepting last Thursday’s rendezvous. Talk with Julio last night occurred while drinking beer with a content of 10% alcohol, from where else, but Denmark! Hej!
Julio bless his heart, was looking out for my back. 10 years ago I would’ve wished that literally. But good kind friend he is, spent the majority of his time reminding me of what I felt and said less than two months ago. Yes I was hurt, and totally angry. He really did help, and I appreciated his cold-water wisdom as much as I appreciated the Fox Beer.
It did get quite heated and topped off with laughter.
But there is also love, not lost, but quite possibly regained.
A chance to begin again. Start fresh. A depth has occurred in this relationship that not felt before. Some friends told me when this relationship went aground that they were surprised at how strong I had become. I do believe that I am still that strong.
Bill has told me his fears now that I’ve told him of my rendezvous. His fear of me being with someone and falling in love with that person, i.e., becoming an emotional and not just sexual relationship is a fear I have lived with when he would suggest certain things like going to a club and such. And not a dance club.
No thanks. I’m no prude. I’ve been around the friggin highway, never mind the block. And I do mean that literally. Definitely something I am not proud of at all. The fact that I am alive and writing this in reasonably good health is really an amazing thing.
But I never did the clubs, the baths whathaveyou. Never any need. Which is probably why I’m here. I did bury a few friends and mourned others during the beginning of the plague years. But when I found Bill I felt I didn’t have to look again. Now, it turns out I may have to.
There is love there I know it, I can feel it. There is also pain and anger. A fine goulash, best served warm. Feeds two. Bittersweet perhaps. But we have a long way to go. And hopefully it will be a long trip.
I’ve always said to Bill that there is no guidebook really. Each relationship is different. There are similarities for sure. So it’s really up in the air. I don’t know the future, and I don’t think I really want to.
No prophesies of Nostril Damage here.