10.15.05 Summer Days

Well after 8 days of non-stop rain, it has finally stopped. No covenant with god, no rainbow. A rainbow is light refracted through water, a prism effect. I’m sure that’s the basic explanation, not a sign from god. That is hilarious. I’ve found that there really is no difference between the Greco/roman myths and the god of the bible. The Greco/roman gods were so much more entertaining.

But now it’s officially autumn. Summer days and summer nights are gone. I’m playing a Bruce Springsteen song, ‘Incident on 57th Street’. I am reminded of a funny thing that happened this past summer.

Julio, Stine and I were coming back from Monmouth Beach after yet another splendid day there. Reading, drinking beers, just have a nice mellow time after swimming in the sea. We figured out where Bruce lives, and decided to swing by. Foolish and invasive but fruitless. The road in front of his house was under construction and after driving in circles of his neighborhood, Julio at Stine’s suggestion drove around the Road Closed sign and parked for a minute. Stine and I got out on the right side curb and Julio was getting out on his side. Stine and I lit some cigarettes, and then she started walking down the sidewalk.

Just then out of nowhere, a Cop Cruiser appears, and pulls up to Julio. The officer was younger than us.
He asked us what we were doing. Julio tried to deny anything, saying that we, Stine and I, wanted to smoke. Stine of course, was a dear deer in the headlights. He asked us if we knew who lived there, and Julio, then Stine said no. He looked at me and I said Of Course we know who lives here.

He looked at our ID’s and another cruiser appeared. This cop was hotter, but never got out of the car. We didn’t have any records so he handed our ID’s back, and let us be on our way. He did tell us that Bruce’s security team called him. Turns out Bruce gets fanatics and psychos regularly. Which sucks. It’s really too bad. He has to live a sheltered life. Someone said it seemed reclusive. I mentioned look what happened to John Lennon.

A gilded cage. It was fun but a little sad to be lumped into the crowd of fanatics and psychos. We’ll never go back there again though we do wave when driving past his street.

Stine was funny during the whole thing. She doesn’t deal with authority very well. She doesn’t become aggressive, quite the opposite, she gets very scared. On the way to get something to eat, Julio and I keep making comments about how the police following us. She started to freak, we laughed.

We went to Red Bank and ate at Dublin House. Nice town Red Bank. Lot’s of shops and restaurants, and home of the Count Basie Theatre. After a few beers and pints, we walked around a bit and got some ice cream. To Stine’s annoyance, Julio and I kept seeing undercover cops following us. Then it was back in the car heading homewards to Hoboken.

10.15.05

The Right to Write about Frank Lloyd Wright.

Why did I pick architecture rather than Aeronautics? What’s it all about Johnny? It’s about nothing Johnny, and it’s about everything Johnny. I am in love with Bill Vila. Who is a decent, good man and has done some bad things. My partner, Bill who we’ve committed to each other 2 years ago, who I’ve been with for 5 years, my partner and I have separated. It had to be done. Things were getting askew, to put it politely.

There’s so much shit (to put it impolitely) to deal with. Homeboy has got serious issues. I feel like I have been there already, or at least have a good idea of where his head is at. Usually it’s up his ass, meaning, he sees and cares for nothing but himself. I mean, he cares for me, he cares for his parents. He hates to be told what to do by them and he hates what is suggested for him by me.

Bill stopped finding me sexually attractive, and in feeling this way was compelled to find what was missing from our relationship amongst strangers in booth stores. Of course my friends told me he was fucking around, but I didn’t want to believe it, choosing to think it was our schedules. I made myself available to him 24/7. He made himself available to me for about 45 minutes a day.

But still I love him. He supports me I suppose, he supposes. But we both definitely need counseling. And it is up to him to arrange it, since he’s the one with the abstract schedule.

He is a decent guy. There is innocence to him that I find charming and irresistible. A lot of friends don’t see it. And he’s jealous of my relationships with Julio and Pedro. The fact that I’ve known them for almost 20 years doesn’t seem to matter. He’s jealous.

But as I’ve told him before, we have a different relationship than the friendship with Julio and Pedro. In fact it’s probably better. I want to be with him for the rest of my life and I think he wants the same thing.

And it’s about life. To share one’s life with someone is a great act of humanity. I don’t think he understands that. He just has so many damn issues. He doesn’t realize that when his parents or myself say something about what he should do, it’s all for what’s good for him, the best for him.

But he doesn’t see past his nose, and what he hears in his head is nagging and people telling him what to do. Jeezy Creezy, he’s 42 and still behaving like a rebellious teenager.

And I do love him very much. Relationships are work and this is where it becomes really hard work. We both need to put our shoulders to the grindstone.

Since August 30, and today is October 14, I’ve become stronger. I always felt, not superior but more knowledgeable in life matters when being with Bill. I am giving him one more chance and if it doesn’t work, then that’s that. I plan to make it work. I want him to make it work as well. I’m surprised that we’re not in couples counseling yet.

10.14.05 b