Bananas. It’s all bananas. I believe today was my third anniversary at work. Of course, none of my coworkers from that period are there. They’ve all moved on and apparently speak to each other, wondering why I’m still there. To tell you the truth, I really couldn’t answer. I’ve been good, going to bed at 10:30 each night, waking up at 6:00 AM feeling well rested, definitely a marked improvement on my morning outlook. No, really. I have had discussions with Bill about his unhappiness with me not being a morning person. Of course, he chose to have these conversations in the morning. Generally not a very good idea. Perhaps it’s like going into a starving lion’s den and trying to convince the lion to go vegan.

I was listenening to Brian Eno’s ‘Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)’ as I puttered along the street to work. 8:02AM, no one else there. I set about starting up the office, dropping off newspapers, stocking the fridge, turning machines on, stuff like that. All was going well, as I was quite busy. About an hour after that Bleedin’ Hope shows up and sits next to me saying that it would probably be a good idea to get a temp. The funny thing is, she had asked a put upon coworker, Brenda, to do certain tasks while Bleedin’ Hope flew off to Europe on vacation for two weeks, Brenda said, No, Hire a temp. Bleedin Hope says a temp is not in the budget.

Then Bleedin Hope comes out and tells me it would be a good idea to get a temp to work with me. I said there was no need. She mentioned that she had some complaints about the phones being unanswered. I told her that I sent her emails most of the time when I was away from my desk, telling her phones were being forwarded. I also mentioned that some of her Admins don’t answer their phones. She made it a point to say Admin, singular. I said, no it’s plural.

Zelcah, the bitch that started all this decides to leave in the middle of the day, not telling anyone that she’s off getting her hair done for an hour and a half. No one knows that Zelcah is desperately trying to get her old job back, calling the old office everyday. I also said that I answer Zilch’s managing directors phones more than she does. Bleedin Hope asked how I knew this, I told her because I see her.

Then she mentions that my ‘buddy’ Brenda doesn’t answer phones either. I said ‘well at least she has a buddy’. Brenda has been so put upon since Bleedin Hope arrived and took over. Bleedin Hope seemed unaware that there is still ill will between Zelcah and myself. Well Bleedin Hope’s head is so far up her ass you can see it when she opens her mouth.

Then she says, that I should speak with the great wombus, Helen Devilakos. I say, no. Why should I speak to her? Everything is fine, dysfunctional but fine. I come in at 8:00 and leave at 5:30. NO problems. Interaction between myself and Zelcah kept to an absolute minimum. Once again I express my disdain for the great wombus, when Bleedin Hope puts her coffee down, and with crocodile tears, gets up and says, ” that’s it. I’m quitting today’.

I say nothing and watch her go to the elevator and hit the down button. Is she going to the street? To the wombus? Who knows? Who cares? Not me. The office lush, Lucille joins her, followed by the wonderfully ignorant Helen PI. Bleedin Hope returns fifteen minutes later saying that the great wombus refused to accept her resignation until she returns from her two week vacation.

Yes, according to Bleedin Hope, the company will pay her for two weeks vacation then allow her to resign. Come on now. She goes to her desk, gets her bags, and leaves work six hours earlier than expected saying that she’s officially on vacation. She actually said this in my face, with tears edging her waterproof make up eyes. Oh boo fucking hoo. She gets to relax and shop and pack six hours earlier than she expected. Life is rough.

No word from the wombus though I did finally file my complaint with the Department of Labor. My complaint was about how a coworker, Christina, made a comment when I showed her a picture of Bob Saget that was sent to me by a former coworker. “You know, we used ta call him Bob Faggot.” Charming. Then a few weeks later, we were listening to some music, and she said, “You know, we used ta sing this as ‘la la la maricon’” Can she get any more charming?

Then she claimed when I said to her that that wasn’t good to say those words, this Puerto Rican girl from the Bronx said, ‘I didn’t know what maricon meant’. Oh yes, I’ve also gotten eight women pregnant. She’s also prone to calling Dominicans, Dumb In A Cans.

There also the time when Bleedin Hope, Lucille the Lush, Helen PI and Zelcah sang happy birthday to Christina in front of me as Christina and I share a big desk. A joke was made about someone being a lesbian. And they call me unprofessional. Knives out. So I had to put it in writing and send it off to Albany so they’ll have my complaint on file.

Yes it’s a rant, a venting if you will. I also had sex tonight.

Good night everybody!

10.20.05