Can I Change My Mind

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 045

Last night was yet another quiet evening at home. Watched Olbermann forgetting that Heroes was on,
but I wound up DVRing Heroes. Ah, foresight.

After Olbermann I watched Outrage, a documentary on outing political figures who support and legislate anti Gay laws during the day and trolling bathhouses, public restrooms and gay bars. People like Larry Craig from Idaho who you may recall was busted in a public restroom in the Minneapolis Airport.

And Governor Charlie Crist of Florida, longtime bachelor dogged by rumors for years. A silhouetted man or two showed on screen saying that either they had sexual relations with Crist or knew of it happening.

Of course, New Jersey’s own John McGreevey, the Gay American. McGreevey was interviewed and gave some insight into the world of the closeted gay politician. He didn’t sign any anti Gay laws.

A lot of these men don’t identify as Gay, they just like to have sex with men before going home to their wives. I know, I’ve seen it happen. Sometimes it’s a generational thing. A lot of older men still carry the stigma that being Gay is wrong and immoral.

So they carry around this false shame and play the game, going so far as to marry a woman and usually being the loudest anti Gay voice out there. Michelangelo Signorile is someone I admire and he told his story, that when puberty hit, he ran to the dictionary and other reference books and found that being homosexual was immoral.

His reaction? To hang out with a group of toughs who used to be up obviously Gay people. Because how can someone who was Gay do such things. That is the hateful cover a lot of loud anti Gay voices use.

For me, when I found out I was Gay, I got the same information that Michelangelo Signorile got. I didn’t hang out with a group of toughs though. At 13 I realized that I would have to live a double life, be very cautious and duplicitous.

It wasn’t right for anyone but I really didn’t have any choice. I did eat dinner at a table where queer jokes were occasionally said.

I’m all for outing closeted anti Gay politicians. Though to be fair, Larry Craig wasn’t outed, he was merely soliciting an undercover police officer under the partition in the men’s room. Outrage is definitely worth a look see.

Well I’m tired. Spent a few hours this afternoon walking around Chelsea with Harpy. I thought about doing it yesterday. Last time I had gone was with Bill on my birthday. Calling up Harpy was a last minute thing. Something to get him and me out of our respective apartments.

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 006

And it was a perfect day for it. Took the Path into Manhattan to 14th Street and Sixth Avenue and met Harpy at Eighth. I suggested walking the Highline but Harpy wasn’t having it. So we walked up Tenth Avenue to 20th Street, randomly going from gallery to gallery.

Harpy

Harpy

Some interesting stuff, but a lot of things I had seen last month with Bill. That was a disappointment, hoping to see something new but seeing things that I had seen before. Harpy was good company but he was wearing down.

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 017

His ankle was starting to freeze up, a side effect from his subway stairs tumble last year and not having any insurance. But we had seen enough art anyhow, if only for today. I enjoyed a cigar as we walked east to the trains.

Harpy thinking he would have to stand, me saying perhaps a karmic reward would be in the form of a seat. And sure enough, Harpy sat. I finished my cigar and walked over to the Path train where I knew I was going to get a seat.

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 021

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 014

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 052

10.6.09 Gallery Hopping with Harpy 004

Hallogallo

10.4.09 Hoboken 038

Yesterday turned out to be quite an alright day. I wandered around Hoboken, which is more crowded on weekends now that no one leaves for the Jersey shore on weekends after the summer. That makes the waterfront which is usually not that crowded, densely populated on weekends.

And with the piers falling into the river, a quiet spot to sit and read the New Yorker and have a cigar isn’t as easy as it is Monday through Friday. But I persevered and found a bench in the shadow of Steven’s Tech, across from Sybil’s Cave and sat there.

I talked to Billie from DC for a while and midway through our conversation, a couple walked by, the guy in the couple said, ‘That looks like John Ozed’. That caught my attention and told Billie I would call him back.

The couple walked closer and I said, ‘Hey, what’s going on?’. The guy knew I didn’t know who he was, the woman had no clue. He came up and introduced himself. It was Jason Stasium. Jason was a guy I worked with at Right Track Recording in the 1990’s.

We were friends then, I brought him to a taping of the Letterman show back in the day. Elvis Costello and Toshi Reagan performed. I liked Jason and used to make fun of him. He was a Deadhead then, following Jerry & Co around the country.

But after Jerry died, Jason settled down in New York and started working as an assistant engineer. It was funny the other day I was walking down Garden Street and saw someone who looked like Jason in the 1990’s and I thought about his then girlfriend who worked at Angelica’s Kitchen in the East Village.

She was nice too and got me some discounted gift certificates that I gave to my vegetarian roommate William and Julio who was a vegetarian at the time.

We did some catching up, Jason introduced me to his wife, who’s name escapes me at the moment. Where was so and so that we worked with? What’s going on with Right Track? Where is Joe Lizzi? Gian East?

Those are the only 2 I know and that was via Facebook and Jason doesn’t want to join Facebook.

I remember a few years ago I sent an email to him, congratulating him on either winning an award or being part of a Broadway show that won an award. His response was ‘who the hell are you?’ So I dropped the subject and expected never to hear from him again.

I wasn’t hurt or anything. Just felt that door had closed.

It wasn’t like on September 11, 2002 when I contacted a former co-worker Gerri Delaney who witnessed the previous years events next to me. I called her to see how she was doing that first anniversary and basically got ‘Why are you calling me?’.

Now that was awkward. Awkward enough, especially on that raw anniversary to cut contact. A few years later she somehow got my name and called me when I was working on the Titanic. It was all, ‘Hey! How’s it going/Let’s have drinks’ I was noncommittal and did write her number down before eventually losing it.

I did see her once when I was walking out of Grand Central Station and she was entering it. I was in a suit and tie so I looked like most of the other men passing through and she didn’t make the connection and that was fine by me.

Just a few weeks ago, while waiting for Brenda, yet another former co-worker, I stood around waiting when who walks by but Gerri Delaney. This time I could have sworn she saw me, even passed by looking at a menu near by, so as to steal a second glance. I just turned and looked the other way.

I did exchange phone numbers with Jason so perhaps we will meet up for dinner like he mentioned. I also made plans and bought tickets for a trip to Washington DC this weekend. Just a one day trip, get on bus, March on Washington, listen to speakers, get back on bus.

I should be seeing Billie, if only for a few hours so that should be fun.

10.4.09 Hoboken 039