Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five

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Well here it is, Wednesday. Started out rainy, started out with me sleeping later than usual and that was because I was up until midnight which I rarely do. Maybe on Fridays or Saturdays, but not Tuesday. Bill’s dad is still unresponsive, in a fetal position. His heart rate slows and speeds up and he’s breathing on his own, but I guess not much else is going on. Bill spent most of the day at the hospital. The bitch of a home health care aide threatened to call social services, claiming that Bill is neglecting his mother’s care.

Of course this happened after Bill told her there will be no money under the table, and that her services were no longer required. Oh and she’s a judgmental religious type to boot. I tried to reassure Bill that she’s probably gone forever, and that was her last attempt to get back at Bill. She will probably move on to another family to torment, holy book in one hand, and a steel rod up her ass.

After a slow hustle around the apartment I got to the bus stop to see the regulars standing there, leaving me to think that either everyone woke up late or the bus was late. It was the bus because it was crazy crowded when I got on it. Since it was rainy and since I was late, I decided to take the train, and once on the platform I remembered why I don’t like to take the train. Too crowded and I couldn’t fit onto the first train that pulled in, I mumbled Fuck this shit and stepped off waiting for the next E train.

Got to the office a little bit late yet still in before anyone else. I did what I had to do, and also deftly avoided Tom Chin who is probably wondering why I don’t have anything to say to him that’s not work related. Maybe it’s because he yelled at me last Friday when I was still sick, or maybe it’s because he’s just a 58 year old nerd. It’s probably a mixture of the two. I heard tomorrow is the employee review day.

Two of the Three Stooges were in and they mentioned they were probably going out for drinks after work, I told them I would probably be logging onto Monster.com. I was joking really. I don’t think anything will happen, that they will fire my ass. I don’t even care about the bonus that could depend on the review. If I get it, great. If I don’t, no big deal. If they try anything though, I do have an ace up my sleeve.

I did hear from a former Wanker Banker colleague, that one of the IT guys, my old pals, Vinnie’s father passed away yesterday. That was sad to hear, Vinnie being a really good guy. I made a point to go to a card shop and buy a card for Vinnie, a birthday card for my brother in law Rex, who got the Onion Atlas that I ordered for his birthday this weekend, and a card for my late cousin Jackie’s widow, Corinne to let her know I was thinking of her. I didn’t send a holiday card to Corinne, it didn’t seem like the thing to do, they were probably still grieving and having a sad Christmas. A handwritten card a month later could say so much more.

I left the office a whole fifteen minutes early, even said good night to Tom Chin but his head is so far up his ass that he probably couldn’t hear me, being so gassy and all. Had to buy coffee for the office, I was glad to see that girl was not behind the counter. One guy filled my order, a new guy filled it, charging me for two pounds instead of three. I had to tell him the actual price. I turned and walked out the store after the purchase, and there she was, the girl who was so tired and cranky the first day I walked in. I think she thinks we’re friends. I don’t know why. I do my best not to give her that impression. ‘Oh you’re buying more coffee?’ she said. ‘Yes I am’ and I walked out the door into the brisk, yet refreshing arctic air.

Added a few hours later

Message of Love

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It’s Tuesday, dreary, cold and wet. Been drizzling on and off all day. A definite gray day though I did see some part of a blue sky today, but it didn’t last. Last night was ok, pretty quiet here, Bill not as rambunctious as usual, not exactly subdued either. He spent the day going to the VA nursing home out in St. Albans in Queens. That would be a sobering experience for anyone. And on top of that the primate in charge had delivered his last State of the Union address, which I didn’t pay any attention to. I called my brother Frank who said he couldn’t talk, that he would call me back.

So I called brother Brian and first spoke to his wife Karen who sounded good, we exchanged stories of our illnesses. We both had the same symptoms, aching bones, fever, chills and how it lasted about 24 hours mainly. Both of us are still feeling the after effects. Then Karen put Brian on the phone and I talked longer with him than I had in a long time. We talked about brother Frank, both of us coming to the conclusion that the Frank we once knew is gone, and slowly he might be coming back, not as fast as we thought or hoped. Even Frank mentioned a few weeks ago that he thought the stroke was behind him, but there are still lingering effects.

Brian and Karen, and Frank and Elaine went to go see the Smithereens last week at BB King’s and I heard Frank’s take on the night, and last night I heard Brian’s side. Both totally opposite versions. Brian was surprised at Frank’s totally negative attitude and the fact that Frank would not stop talking. Frank’s version was that it was an ok evening, Brian’s version was fraught with concern. We’re both worried about him, and Brian mentioned that perhaps it might be a good thing for Frank to retire, and hopefully get a government disability as well. He doesn’t seem to be doing well at work either, and Brian and I agree that Frank probably shouldn’t be driving.

Too much going on in the world that might set him off and an accident though always a bad thing could be even worse if he is involved, and not by his hand, just that there are so many terrible drivers out there, and other terrible scenarios. Then there was the drama of having a teenage son which I won’t get into here but I commended Brian about how he and Karen are handling this supposed little pain in the fucking ass.

We discussed our upbringing, how we lived in fear of getting into trouble with our father. Brian said he wasn’t hit by our father, whereas all I can remember is being hit by my father. He tried to lessen that painful memory by saying at least our father wasn’t like the So and So’s father from down the block, who didn’t hesitate to use a belt or whatever else was handy to discipline his children. In that instance, Brian was right, our father was literally hands on, at least for me, though I feel Brian might be blocking things out.

Then I spoke to Harpy who supplied the much needed levity. I wonder if Harpy was a court jester in a previous life. I know he’s a court jester in this one, but still I love Harpy, he’s a good egg. After Harpy, brother Frank finally called. Unfortunately I think he had a few phone calls before calling me back so I got the tired Frank. Still it was good to talk to him, it was a good talk. I recommended There Will Be Blood, telling him he should see it in a theater since a DVD would lessen the impact. He started to sound exhausted so he signed off and I went to bed soon after, to the sound of Bill snoring.

I woke up before the alarm clock, and I was surprised to see Bill still sleeping in bed. He decided to go in late today. I got my act together and took it to the bus stop, wondering if Washington Street was going to be closed off since there was a fire at 1203 Washington Street, a few families displaced and one fatality. That part of Washington Street was closed and the bus wound through side streets before heading into the Lincoln Tunnel. Made it to work before everyone yet again and I set about turning things on, making coffee.

Spoke with Bill a few times, actually playing phone tag. We finally connected, only Bill had bad news. His father was unresponsive and in a fetal position. Now he is at the hospital and might be in a coma. The end may be near, and Bill asked that I ask people that know us, to say a prayer, or put out some good thoughts and vibrations for Bill and his family. So please do.