Well I ended last night’s entry, with ‘I do love him’ and I still do. I was finally able to talk to Bill though not face to face but over the phone. I prefaced the talk by saying that I knew that he’s been under a lot of stress lately and I don’t want to add to it, but while I’m supporting him and encouraging him, I was falling apart and I don’t think he knew. Sex was part of the problem, but I think my loneliness was the main thing that was on my mind. I learned that Bill thinks I’m high maintenance 90% of the time. I disagree but I could be wrong.
It’s just not easy to be a couple when there’s only one of you around. I told him it would be easier for me if he were on tour or something, but he’s only a mile away. Things have changed for us both in the eight years we’ve been together. When we first started going out, I had tons of friends around, always something to do. They moved on, had kids or whatever. Now hardly anyone is around, whereas Bill has a nice group of people he works with, and has good times with. I reminded him about how envious he was with my friendships with Pedro and Julio, and how now, he’s taken their place and the only difference between those friendships is that Bill and I kiss.
It was a long talk and I am glad we had it and I think Bill did too. He gave up going to a party to be able to talk to me which was a sacrifice. I am going to resolve not to be so dependent on him. Have to figure out how to do things by myself and for myself. On this past Wednesday, while freaking out about the games being played out in my office I called him and was able to get somethings off my chest regarding my anxiety and self doubt, and though he took the call, he shouldn’t have been on the phone with me, so I’m definitely going to cut down on phone calls to him again. I thought that had gotten better, but then again I didn’t think my high maintenance was at a 90% level.
While the phone call helped, a good part of my mood was lightened by Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. I loved it. A perfect movie for a music geek like myself. Every cliché from rock and roll bio pics was sent up accordingly. I laughed basically from start to finish. Jack White was a really funny Elvis Presley, and Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Justin Long and Jason Schwartzman where very silly as the Beatles in India. Lot’s of funny things throughout the movie. It was more akin to Airplane that it is to SuperBad and Knocked Up.
Those were funny but I enjoyed Walk Hard a lot more, and John C. Reilly did an excellent job singing the songs. The Brain Wilson bit was really tops. It’s almost worth buying the soundtrack, but I’ll try to snag a free copy somehow.
Also went to the first McSwells Flea Market today. El Jefe and Lady Gigglepuss aka Rand and Lisa had a table selling Jack Kirby things as well as comic books. I didn’t buy anything, I have enough crap though it did enter my mind that if they do this again I would like to get a table and sell my crap too. My crap is just as good as their crap.
