Category Archives: Mood Mambo

I Need You To Love Me

Another day, another grey day. Even less sun it seemed. Just a lazy Saturday. I slept in much later than usual, so much so that I was still in bed when Bill came home. And when he got into bed, I got out and started my day. Which wasn’t much to begin with. Drying clothes hanging on racks and in the bathroom. I did some tidying up yesterday which was mainly shredding documents. Nothing much going on today. Bill was asleep most of the day and I went out briefly for some foodstuffs. I thought about posting the thing I wrote the other day, but it is so bitter and nasty yet funny and vindictive.

Maybe someday, but not today. So here’s a look back.

September 29, 2006- Working for McMann and Tate. Company party at a club in the meat packing district. I neglected to write that when I went to Felicia’s apartment beforehand she buzzed me in while a walking around her apartment naked. She did offer me some powder which I ingested and set the tone for the rest of the evening. Partying with a group of Britishers made me realize that I was no match for them and proceeded to get quite pissed. I almost crashed in a client’s hotel but wound up paying for a taxi at 2:30 in the morning, back to Hoboken.

September 29, 2007- A Saturday and a day off, spent cleaning the apartment and posting a list of songs via the iPod shuffle. I was working at the Biotechnology Investment Bank.

September 29, 2008- Still at the Biotechnology Investment Bank and it was a Monday. Did banking for Greg Stevens, taking his money out of one bank and moving it to another. The stock market plunged and working in finance showed an atmosphere of stress and fear, much more than usual. I also included a list via JoeMyGod of the top ten bank collapses, all during republican administrations and which still did not equal the amount of money lost by Washington Mutual.

September 29, 2009- Bill and I still recovering from a previous argument. Heard from Julio twice in one day and also ran into Stine with Alexander. I watched Ripley’s Game and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, also Curb your Enthusiasm and the Colbert Report. Unemployed.

September 29, 2010- Working at the cigar shack and really hating that jazz crap. In the midst of going on interviews, hating the cigar shack so much that I was willing to unload trucks for Macy’s during the holidays. Thankfully Macy’s did not appreciate my willingness. Some cousins were contacted with regards to getting a new job, some replied other didn’t. I already stopped trusting Calvin (who later had a name change to Zack, exactly). Though unhappy I still went to work and did a decent job, though I was always on the lookout to better my station.

September 29, 2011- Still cigar shacking it. A day off though, sending cards and gifts to friends and a nephew who was born on the 30th. I just got a smartphone and then, like now, I am still trying to figure it out.

A lackluster entry for a lackluster day.

“Exactly, hur hur hur…”




Altitude

I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me

I was just thinking about my mother. I remember growing up, not knowing how old she was or even really where she lived, asking her if she saw the Hindenburg go down in flames, or if she remembered seeing King Kong on top of the Empire State Building. I was the type that thought King Kong was a documentary.

I know my mother loved movies and born in 1927 1926, she probably saw at least some of the classics, like Gone with the Wind which came out in 1939. She would have been 12 and I guess that she probably had a chance to go out and see it. I think it was probably a stolen moment since she was the only daughter with 5 brothers and more than likely had to help out her mother with the chores and household tasks.

It couldn’t have been that easy growing up during the depression, 5 brothers, and an abusive father to deal with. And not just abusive but from what I can remember- a drinker. Late in his life and early in my own, we had him in our house for Thanksgiving. To me he was just an old man with white hair and black horn rimmed glasses.

After Thanksgiving dinner, it was just me and him awake, seemingly everyone else all had naps or went over to friends’ houses. I offered to make him some coffee and I got him a cup. On the dining room table where he sat was an unopened bottle of whiskey. He asked me to get some milk from the kitchen and for just that short amount of time, half the bottle of whiskey disappeared.

It was looked on humorously when my family slowly started to awake from their post dinner naps. My grandfather died a few weeks after that, sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I consoled myself by listening to the original Broadway soundtrack of Godspell. I was mourning, not for my grandfather but rather for my mother being unhappy.

The wake was somewhere in the Bronx and one of the last times my mother and her brothers were all in the same room at the same time. Their mother died not too long after my birth and I did not know her at all. I heard she was nice though. Her name was Helen I believe.

Soon my uncles started dropping off. First was my Uncle John. Didn’t know much about him but loved his children, they were pretty much very close to the ages of my brothers and sister. After that I guess Uncle Richard died. From what I heard he had a steel plate in his head and sweat and grease seeped under the steel plate and slowly drove him off the deep end.

Then came Uncle Harry who was my Uncle John’s twin. I barely knew him but knew him more than my Uncle Richard (who was talked about in joking yet hushed tones). Uncle Tommy was next to go, an unhappy marriage and with a brood of children who didn’t like him very much. He might have been a drunken terror at home, but I really couldn’t say.

My mother passed away on Mother’s Day 1991, all of a sudden from a heart attack, doing the Sunday Times crossword puzzle. And finally my Uncle Joseph, the baby of the family, who after a fight with diabetes and who knows what else, died a few years ago.

I am mainly still in touch with my Uncle John’s kids via Facebook. They’re all nice people. The other cousins, Uncle Tommy’s progeny- I have no idea who or where they are. I can pass them on the street and wouldn’t recognize them. Joseph’s son, looks like his mother only bald and I last saw him at his father’s wake.

I guess me and my sibllings were the cream of the crop. Though if any cousins are reading this, I am more than happy to discuss this with them. We can compare our wounds- physical, mental and emotional.

Powers to the people!

2 – Downtown