Category Archives: Abstract Absurdist Otherness

Read it and weep! I’ve published and now, I be damned! There are some diamonds in this coal. Proceed with cautious carelessness.

Outdoor Miner

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Last night was very cool, very quiet. Thought I’d get a call from Julio, inviting me down for a drink, we were talking about Gin and Tonics but he never called so there was no alcohol to be had. Not bad, I had enough the previous days. Bill mad it home again last night, midway through my watching of Recount, an HBO movie about the 200 election and how Florida screwed up their voting system. I remembered some of the events that occurred, Bill didn’t.

I also watched a documentary last year about the election scandal, and that’s what it was, a scandal. I didn’t realize that all these republican congressional aides were flown down to Florida to disrupt and slow down the recount making the election officials miss the deadline. Laura Dern was great as Katherine Harris, a woman with a sieve for a brain and a colander for a hat.

Laura’s looking a lot like her mother Diane Ladd I think, but we love Laura Dern ever since Blue Velvet and she also gets points for marrying Ben Harper who seems like a cool dude though I’ve only seen him on TV, not owning any of his music. From what I got from the movie, if the Democrats perhaps pushed harder and earlier there might have been a different outcome.

I have doubts that we would be in an endless war in Iraq, and if the 9/11 attack occurred on Gore’s watch perhaps Bin Laden’s family wouldn’t have been flown out when every other plane was grounded in the US and we might have had stupid jerk face neck bone in custody. Bin Laden, not Bush. His time will come though. Went to bed after that and woke up 6 hours later with Bill kissing me good bye. I made it to work in some on again off again drizzle.

Came into the office (which I visited to get some ice water while waiting for a train to take me to see Miriam and family) and it was a mess. One of the friends of Vivek had a meeting and left all the leftover food and wrappers all over the place as well as empty bottles and cans of soda. It pissed me off but then I realized I get paid for this and it’s a nice paying job to do it. It only took about 10 minutes to clean up and then it was done.

I knew that since I am out of the office at various points in the day running errands, they werre going to realize that they need a front desk person. I didn’t push the idea since it was shot down, I decided to let them find out for themselves.

I did talk to Vivek about the mess later on and he spoke to his friend about it and then Vivek came back to me saying that we should get a receptionist to replace Linda who left last week. He inquired about my friend’s son coming in. The friend’s son is Juan. For some reason I thought it would be better if i introduced the concept of Juan as a friend’s son rather than some guy I get jazzy with from time to time.

Unfortunately Juan is incommunicado since he still doesn’t have a cellphone and his internet at home is non existent. So on the off chance that Juan sees this I implore him to get in touch with me as soon as possible, if he wants a good job for the summer. It beats working at Applebee’s, don’t you think?

On My Radio

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Well it’s a new day and I feel like shit. Didn’t sleep well and I am anxious about this afternoon’s oral surgery. I feel somewhat doomed. Last night still replays in my mind. I was supposed to go with Bill and his cousin to see Natalie Cole (?) this weekend but I told Bill to forget about it. I really don’t give a damn about Natalie Cole. I’m sure she’s a nice person But I would rather not go. Things are definitely up in the air vis a vis Bill and myself. He’s also supposed to be the godfather to a friend’s baby on Saturday afternoon and since last night I would rather not go to that as well.

Let’s face it, the way I feel now, I doubt I will be doing anything with Bill in the near future. To Bill’s credit I got 2 text messages this morning, the first one went as follows: ‘Babe, I’m so sorry I didn’t let u know I needed more time to finish my work instead of having u waiting around not knowing what was going on. I’m also sorry 4 snapping @ u b4 entering the subway. U shouldn’t have 2 bear the brunt of my frustrations’. And the second text message: I truly love u and only want happiness 4 u. Also (and I hope u embrace this as much as I mean this), u, r a winner.’

All very nice and I’m sure he spoke with his friend Margaret which prompted him to have such an about face, because last night he was quite adamant in his refusal to apologize for anything as I sat there being hurt. Do I need this? No I don’t. I have enough on my plate, as does Bill. I asked Bill on the phone last night if he noticed that I don’t tell him anything really about what is going on in my life and of course he didn’t notice and why should he. He’s always going off on what is plaguing his life at the moment and after his comment that I am high maintenance I decided not to tell him anything personal about me.

Great relationship huh?

As I walked across town this morning on my way to work, I decided to play side 2 of the Buzzcocks ‘A Different Kind of Tension’ starting out with ‘I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life’ and ending with ‘I Believe’ which is one of my all time favorite songs. I was surprised that I was getting choked up during ‘I Believe’ singing quietly to myself and walking through Bryant Park. I continued after that to Singles Going Steady, the Buzzcocks singles compilation. Ever Fallen In Love, What Do I Get, Promises all hit home.

I tell you Pete Shelley really hit the nail on the head when he wrote those songs. Now it’s back to the anxiety, the fear that something is going to go wrong with my oral surgery. My brother Frank had his stroke last year, around this time, the dreaded month of May and I feel I am slated for the same fate or worse depending on how you look at it. In any event I would like ‘I Believe’ by the Buzzcocks to be played during my memorial service. I definitely don’t have a positive attitude towards the whole thing and once again I am on my own, going through it solo. I guess writing about what songs I would like played at my memorial service betrays my morbid approach to the whole situation.

CODA

Walked to the Dental School, and it was warm enough outside to break a sweat and that’s when I realized I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so out of it was I. I got to the front desk on the fifth floor and let them know I was in. As I was taking a seat, who do I see but Bill. Apparently he took half a day off at work so he could be with me. I was pretty much frightened of the whole oral surgery thing, and the memory of my brother Frank’s stroke, caused initially by a tooth infection added fuel to my fire.

I told Bill that if I start talking incoherently and I’m not drunk or on drugs, get me to a hospital pronto. With the stress of the dentist as well as last night’s fiasco I was a bundle of nerves and it showed this morning. And no real restful sleep. I think Bill either figured it out from what I told him last night, or someone else talked some sense into him but he was somewhat humbled this afternoon. We still have a lot to talk about with regards to it all. I’m tired.