Dreamt about being around the campus at Rutgers University. The rooms were filled with secret doorways. A hunt for a bagel shop that was supposed to be famous. My brother Brian appeared and we attempted to fix a bicycle tire which went better in the dream than in real life 52 years ago. It wasn’t that pleasant a dream.

52 years ago Brian and I were on a bike ride. My chain kept falling off. That pissed Brian off. It wasn’t my fault, I was 11 and he was 15. I was an annoying ball and chain that was left with him to watch. He hated it. He did alright but there were moments that were just hell. I’d rather not get into it, but I am happy to say we are friends today.

And today I went for a walk around Jersey City, the Newport area. I enjoyed a cigar as I walked through. I must have been quite a sight. I looked good, I have to say and I never say anything like that.

I was thinking about John Lennon. He was my favorite Beatle. I identified with him the most. He was funny and acerbic. I remember watching the Beatles cartoons and seeing the cartoon version of him squinting his eyes when he was portrayed singing ‘And Your Bird Can Sing’. He had his faults and readily admitted them.

Nowadays the young folk call him a spousal abuser. He admitted that and so did his first wife Cynthia. She said he slapped her once and immediately apologized. Cynthia said it was the only time that happened. But all it takes is a slap and despite his admitting it and trying to make himself better they apply the label.

He was a fucked up person from a different time. Not an excuse at all, but for a long time, if a man slapped a woman other people turned their heads and looked the other way. I’d seen a few fights at VFW picnics, drunken veterans beating each other senselessly, sometimes over something a wife did or was perceived as doing.

I discussed it with my sister in our weekly phone call. Grandfather putting Grandmother in the hospital is shitty behavior indeed.

Back to John Lennon. 44 years ago this week, John & Yoko’s last album was released. The last album while John was still alive, Double Fantasy. I didn’t understand it when it came out. I loved it since Lennon was on sale again. It didn’t make sense to me until I got older.

It was mellower than I expected and positive when I was into New Wave and Punk. New Wave is now known as Post Punk by the way. Now when I hear Double Fantasy, I feel wistful. It was definitely a more innocent time, at least for me.

Living in my parent’s house, relatively carefree. My parents are gone, the house was sold and I am anything but carefree. But that’s where I am now and there ain’t nothing I can do about it.