Tuesday, July 14. My niece Corinne was born in the 80’s on this day. I can’t really say what the exact year was but I got the date right thanks to social media reminders. It was my niece Kasey’s birthday the other day. I wished her a happy birthday from my file of birthday greetings and I will do the same for Corinne when I get home tonight.
Some families are closer than others. My family is not like that. Distance, time, and life keep us apart. Other families are not like that. They are tight and always in each other’s business. Bill’s family was like that, though the previous generation have faded away, as my family had.
We weren’t close and did not see much of each other. Sometimes, years had gone by. I have no recollection of most of my grandparents. My mother’s father stayed with us for a few days in 1973? 1974? It was around Th
anksgiving. He was an alcoholic and did not have much to do with me. I was assigned to watch him while everyone had their post dinner naps. I fixed him a cup of coffee which he filled with booze once my back was turned. Everyone thought it cute and funny. I was just glad I was not in trouble.
I don’t think my grandfather lasted much after that. A wake in the Bronx, a funeral in Valhalla Cemetary in Westchester. I know I have not gone there since then. I do not even go to the grave of my parents. Annemarie did and Brian has. Not me though. I usually only think of my mother anyhow. I have been driven past it more than I had ever visited.
Today is supposed to be the first day of yet another heat wave. I wore jeans today, though tomorrow I am certain I will be wearing shorts. Yancy will be here once again in the morning. I think he will have a few things to say regarding mistakes that I had made yesterday. Mistakes that were corrected in a minute or two after they were made but the whole rationale is that they should not have been made in the first place.
I tried to cover up and explain as things went on and I hoped that no one from my team took notice of it but the voice in the back of my head tells me, of course they know and I am in big trouble, in danger of losing my job which would be awful.
Now I keep my head down. I had a major request of a couple of dozen names and it was mainly all copying and pasting and that leaves no room for mistakes but knowing me I will always find a way to make a mistake.
I just finished listening to Pink Flag from Wire, a group that sort of resembles the Jack Chicks that I wrote about yesterday. I have to say the comment posted about yesterday’s post was a little bit better than the original post.
It is time to have lunch but I am not hungry. I ate because it was time to eat.
Then a two hour online class about sexual harrassment. Apparently, I’ve been doing it all wrong (insert rimshot) https://instantrimshot.com/
That’s about it. 105° is expected for tomorrow.
# THE PETRIFIED SOUFFLÉ (Le Soufflé Pétrifié)
### A Film Outline in the Style of Luis Buñuel
**Theme:** The paralyzing absurdity of familial duty, the suffocating anxiety of the petty-bourgeois workplace, and the bizarre, dream-like rituals of polite society.
—
## CHARACTERS
* **THE PROTAGONIST (Jean):** A middle-aged clerk trapped in an endless cycle of minor clerical errors and intense, quiet panic.
* **YANCY:** Jean’s supervisor. A menacing figure of absolute, bureaucratic authority who speaks in polite, terrifying riddles.
* **THE GRANDFATHER’S GHOST:** A silent, spectral old man who wanders through scenes holding a teacup filled to the brim with gin.
* **THE PATRICKS & THE KLEINKES:** A chorus of bourgeois relatives who appear in inappropriate places to demand social obligations.
—
## SCENE OUTLINE
### I. The Altar of the Algorithm (The Digital Duty)
* **Setting:** A sterile, aggressively beige living room.
* **Action:** Jean sits before a glowing computer screen. It is **July 14**. He receives a flashing, neon digital notification: *“It is Corinne’s birthday. Celebrate.”*
* **The Absurdity:** Jean does not know who Corinne is, nor what year she was born. He opens a digital cabinet labeled **”EMOTIONAL COMPLIANCE: BIRTHDAYS.”** He selects a generic, pre-recorded video of a laughing clown and sends it into the void. He sighs with intense relief, having successfully simulated human love.
* **The Buñuelian Touch:** A tight-knit, incredibly loud family (Bill’s relatives) suddenly emerges from Jean’s coat closet, shouting over one another, passing platters of raw meat, and entirely ignoring Jean before climbing back into the closet.
—
### II. The Thanksgiving Vigil (The Mirage of Memory)
* **Setting:** A dining room frozen in 1973. A half-eaten turkey sits on the table, covered in dust.
* **Action:** The family is asleep in chairs, snoring in unison. A young Jean is tasked with guarding his silent, trembling Grandfather.
* **The Event:** Jean pours the old man a cup of hot black coffee. The moment Jean turns his back to look out a window—where a hearse is slowly driving in circles on the lawn—the Grandfather produces a silver flask and pours pure alcohol into the cup.
* **The Reaction:** The sleeping family suddenly wakes up, applauding politely and laughing at the “cute” display. Jean smiles, terrified, realizing he has escaped execution. The Grandfather instantly vanishes, leaving only the smoking cup.
—
### III. The Pilgrimage of Non-Arrival
* **Setting:** A sleek, modern sedan driving down a highway in Westchester.
* **Action:** Jean sits in the passenger seat. Annemarie and Brian are upfront, singing hymns. They pass the gates of Valhalla Cemetery.
* **The Conflict:** Jean begs them to stop so he can visit his mother’s grave. The driver agrees, but every time they pull toward the exit, the highway stretches into infinity. The cemetery gates remain exactly fifty yards away, mocking them. Jean realizes he is destined only to drive *past* his parents, never to reach them. He shrugs and opens a sandwich.
—
### IV. The Inquisition of the Minor Error
* **Setting:** An office of blinding white light. Outside, the pavement is visibly melting.
* **Action:** Jean wears heavy, thick denim jeans in anticipation of a devastating heatwave. He sweat profusely. Yancy, dressed in a pristine winter tuxedo, stands over his desk.
* **The Terror:** Yancy points to a spreadsheet. Jean has made a typo—a name copied incorrectly. Jean explains he corrected it within ninety seconds. Yancy smiles warmly, yet menacingly:
> “Of course you corrected it, Jean. But the tragedy is not the error. The tragedy is that you possess the capacity to err. The team knows. We all know. You are a threat to the harmony of the database.”
* **The Dream Transition:** Jean’s desk begins to sink into the floor. To distract himself, he puts on headphones. The aggressive, minimalist punk of Wire’s *Pink Flag* blasts through the room, but the music is coming from a live band of priests performing in the corner of the office.
—
### V. The Mandated Climax: The Sexual Harassment Seminar
* **Setting:** A corporate training room that gradually morphs into a courtroom from the Spanish Inquisition.
* **Action:** Jean sits through a mandatory, two-hour online seminar on sexual harassment. A robotic voice on the screen explains basic human interactions.
* **The Punchline:** Jean realizes, with growing horror, that every polite greeting, handshake, and nod of his entire life has been a grave, punishable offense. As the realization washes over him, a disembodied, physical **rimshot** sound effect echoes loudly from the ceiling ($[https://instantrimshot.com/$](https://instantrimshot.com/$)).
* **Ending Image:** Jean looks out the window. The thermometer outside reads **105°F**. A snowman is standing on the blazing asphalt, completely unbothered by the heat, holding a copy of *Pink Flag*.
*Jean opens his lunchbox. It is empty, but he begins to chew anyway. Fade to black.*