Monthly Archives: April 2011

I Walk The Line

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Back to work today after a good night’s sleep. Still not feeling all that great but the relationship between Bill and myself is stronger than ever. I really do love him so and apparently I said a few of the right things to say to him when I got home on Sunday night.

I wish I can remember what they were, but until I do I’ll just play along. Last night’s sleep was quite good, had a few dreams one involving Macca, the other involving being almost killed by a crane when it dropped whatever it was that was being suspended.

In the dream I was laying on the ground looking up and realizing that it was going to fall, I moved a few feet out of the way before it came crashing down. Any dream interpretations are welcome.

I’m pretty sure standing around for 9 hours a day is doing some damage to my leg. I just sat in the man cave with my leg elevated somewhat and now it feels better. Still tonight, I won’t walk down to the bus terminal, I’ll give it up to the MTA along with my $2.25.

Listening to David Byrne’s The Catherine Wheel right now at the cigar shack and also right now I am in third sales wise.

Cassandra Wilson came into the store today. When she came in I wondered to myself if that was Cassandra Wilson and then Calvin asked her if she was who he thought she was and when she answered that she was and I was surprised to have been correct.

No jazz queer me, but Thomas who is a jazz queer had no idea who she was. She was nice and sat in the man cave, smoking cigarillos and talking with the men folk.

I was incredibly anxious about going into work today since I called in sick. Probably since I hadn’t followed the mythical corporate handbook previously, I felt they would have said something about how I dialed the phone, or the way I left a 45 second voice mail.

But no, nothing was said. In fact Marcus has the same symptoms as I did. And so did Pedro who had chicken wings to my chicken fingers on Sunday afternoon.

Does this have anything to do with the solar storms, the earthquakes, or maybe because some Christianists have predicted the world to end next month? I have to make to Thursday, my next day off as well as a meeting I am taking in the building where the Coneheads flew off from in the late 1970’s.

I doubt I will be in the same spot as Margaret Bourke White in her iconic photograph from way back when. Just about an hour left in my day here in the cigar shack. It can’t end soon enough.

I am going to try to make that 9:42 bus and ride with Bill & Hyman. That means sneaking out a little early but I really don’t care, which is the wrong attitude to have but it’s all that I got.

I caught the bus with Hyman, Bill was unable to catch the bus. He was missed.

I Understand Just How You Feel

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Oh how the past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster. Lazy start in the morning yesterday, heading into the city to have lunch with Pedro, fun phone call with Annemarie. It was a fun time with Pedro, meeting up at the Astor Place cube.

We walked down St. Mark’s Place and wound up at BBQ, which is tacky but where we’ve eaten before. Lots of stories from Pedro, not about Rikers, but rather about his life. I’m not one to spill the beans, it’s his story and not mine and way too personal.

Over a few drinks we laughed and talked and eventually wandered around the East Village. Pedro dropped me off near the bus terminal after unsuccessfully trying to talk him into dropping me off in Hoboken. He probably would have done it if it weren’t for the bumper to bumper traffic.

I came home and took a nap. Bill had ordered a pizza and after a few hours’ sleep I woke up again, hungry for some pizza. No pizza to be had. An argument was to be had though. A loud argument, in each other’s faces. Accusations thrown back and forth. It got ugly fast and ended just as fast.

Bill apologized and I accepted. I did not sleep well at all last night and woke up feeling quite queasy and dehydrated. I figured there was no way I would be able to get through the day, spending 9 hours on my feet, so I called Marcus’ cellphone and left a voice mail message explaining my situation in semi graphic terms.

I knew I made the right decision in not going into work, still there is some regret and a feeling of dread that I will certainly hear about it tomorrow when I get in. I did follow their rules though and called directly, but I did not call Calvin since he was off today.

Bill had kissed me good bye for the day and he was very apologetic for last night. As I went through the day today I found a few reasons for me to apologize as well. He should be home in about an hour and I can’t wait to see him.

He was an asshole last night and I was an asshole too. I suppose we’re lucky to realize and accept that both of us were right on some things, and wrong about other things, or at least the way the other things were presented.

For me today was a day of feeling a bit unwell as well as regret for the way things turned out to be last night. Things will be better later when Bill gets home and will be better tomorrow. And as for me, I’m not so much a drinker these days and I’m sure alcohol had some say in what happened last night.

Bill and I chatted online earlier, and we both realize we need each other, really yin and yang stuff. I think we turned a corner last night, a hard turn but a turn nonetheless. Bill is home now, and I was able to have a short nap before he came home. And I am glad he’s home.