Monthly Archives: October 2007

Tired Of Being Alone

It’s Monday and I’m fine with it. It gives me something to do, the carrot dangling at the end of the stick is a paycheck and it’s not so bad. I do like my job and have no complaints. Yesterday was rather quiet, but you read all about that, not doing anything except talking myself out of doing things. If only there were someone to do things with. That’s rather presumptuous, especially since I could have seen Jose while he was in New York, but me being tired, wet and cranky, not to mention a little dulled by the play I had just seen, I blew it off, opting to go home solo. Bill walked me to the gate but that was as far as he had gotten. He says he told me as we entered the terminal but I didn’t hear him and up to the point where I was getting onto the bus and he said ‘Ok baby, have a good night’ I thought he’d be next to me. So the farewell kiss was abrupt and my response to his ‘I love you’ was a little bit on the curt side. Let’s just say my heart wasn’t in it.

I did run into Alice Genesse when I got off the bus. She had never seen me in a suit and tie and complimented me on how good I looked. I offered condolences for her friend, Lady Jaye who had died from an undiagnosed heart condition. Lady Jaye was Genesis P. Orridge’s paramour in Psychic TV which is the band Alice has been playing with. Alice is a sweetheart which leads me to believe that as gender bending as Psychic TV is lately, they must be good people to have Alice in the band with them. Alice was sad and I gave her a hug. I had hung out quite a bit with Alice about 20 or so years ago, she was temping near me while I worked for an accounting firm and we’d have lunch in Times Square in buildings and restaurants that simply don’t exist anymore.

Saturday was rain, Sunday wasn’t. Just very windy. Like I wrote yesterday, there were too many people around so I walked around town for an hour and came home after that. Bill was understandably standoffish so communication with him was limited to that and also the fact he had two matinées as well as an evening performance. He thawed out a bit on Sunday, texting me about how he was excited to be reading the scripture reading at his church, and playing piano with a 90 voice choir. I would have liked to have seen it. Not for the religion, just for the show. But I found out to late which was Bill’s doing.

He told me that in the evening. He was so tired he called me from his parent’s apartment. Bill tried going to sleep at 8:00, he called me at 9:30, near tears. Totally stressed out. His dad is still in the nursing home, the insurance has run out and that means the cost is coming out of the savings which would stress anyone out. He was on a roller coaster ride if emotions, his high being the church service, the low being at his parents apartment in the dark. His mother, losing her mind, and very tired and his dad vegging out across town. Bill needed someone to talk to and that someone was me.

We talked about the inevitable, and the guilt that one feels sometimes when their parents are ill and fading away, and you wish that they would just go already. It’s a common enough feeling that is usually accompanied by a tremendous amount of guilt and thats what Bill is going through.

Now it’s not even 8:00 and he’s asleep in bed.

3 Minute Rule

A beautiful Sunday, which is quite nice after a very wet Saturday. Quite a quiet Saturday night, but what else is new? Got sucked into watching the Heroes marathon of the first season. It was fun to watch, saw things that I may have missed the first time around. Also finishing up the Pattie Boyd memoir, which was entertaining. She’s been living a very interesting life and continues to do so. She also looks great, and hasn’t had any work done. Just another one of those swingin’ sixties chicks. Last night also had the Beatles in Help! On the Sundance channel. That was fun to watch, especially after knowing that the Fab Four were totally stoned throughout the filming.

After that I could barely keep my eyes open and went to bed. SNL was a repeat anyhow. Drifted off to sleep listening to 20 somethings leaving Halloween parties, on their way to the next one. Hoboken is still a party town obviously. A beautiful blue sky was nice to wake up to and it was brisk as I walked and did some morning shopping. Didn’t run into anyone I knew and also didn’t curse out anyone mentally for alleged slights. A by product of not having enough coffee to interact with society.

Read the newspapers rather quickly, and tried to think of something to do. Considered going into the city, but talked myself out of it. Thought about walking to Target in Jersey City but once again talked myself out of it. Walked around Hoboken for about an hour, ran into the neighbors Mike and Nicole with their bulldog Stella who really likes me. Nicole told me that Stella always plops down on our welcome mat, staring at the door waiting to be let inside our apartment. I’d love to get a bulldog like Stella. I think she’s actually a French bull dog and I think that means money. Plus all the responsibility. And then they die on you. So, I guess I talked myself out of that as well.

The walk around Hoboken lasted exactly an hour, from the time I left the apartment to the time I got back. Lot’s of people out, perhaps too many. No herd thinning going on. Plenty of people walking in the sun which made the shady side of the street less congested with baby strollers and people. I was going to walk to Pier A but there was some autumn event crowded with families so that was a no go zone. Wandered over to Barnes and Noble instead and bought a collection of Mark Twain. Almost bought the Oscar Wilde collection but I have a few of those and never really read Mark Twain before. And it is classic American literature at a bargain price.

Now I’m at home, chillin. VH1’s I Love The 70’s is on and that’s been a fun stroll down the memory fast lane. A nostalgic Sunday afternoon. Spoke to Pedro and I might head up to Otisville next weekend. Fun to get out for the weekend, if only for an overnight. Get out and see some foliage, play dominoes and have a few beers. Sounds good to me.