I was very troubled by the killings in the Amish school in Pennsylvania, I found it weighing heavily on my mind. I first heard about it yesterday when the first reports came in. I had been out in Pennsylvania Dutch country in 1976 with my mother. It was a fun, informative trip. They seemed like nice people who only wanted to be left alone. Yesterday this psychopath comes in and shoots a bunch of Amish girls, killing five and wounding five. I just can’t get my mind around such brutality. Three school shootings in a week? What the fuck is going on in this country, or rather this world, since a shooting just occurred a week or so ago in Montreal.

I walked out of the apartment after doing the usual thing, shower, coffee, cereal and when I got to the street I thought it was too cold, and it would be cold when I got out of work at the end of the day. So I climbed up four flights and I got my denim jacket and also my cell phone which I didn’t even know I had forgotten. By the time I got back downstairs I was exhausted. Then I went to work this morning and with each passing moment felt worse and worse I walked to the Path train, feeling totally out of sorts. With each step I sweated and felt more and more tired. I slept really well, and didn’t have any difficulty waking up.

I had gotten to the Path station as a train was pulling in and wondered where everyone was. I thought it might’ve been a holiday but it wasn’t, I had gotten on the wrong train. The train that was about to leave was getting crowded so I got up and walked over and got in. I could only lean against the wall I was so fatigued. I got off at Ninth Street and walked down Sixth Avenue to work, bones achy and drenched in sweat. I texted Felicia that I wasn’t feeling so good and didn’t think I would last the day. She texted back that I should hang in there. I tried focusing on the computer screen to start organizing the day and couldn’t figure out where to start.

I was able to start up the office, talking to one or two people who remarked that I wasn’t looking so well. I took that to heart as I changed my t-shirt. I wandered around the office as if in a dream. One person that I work with Raige Piney, started asking me about conference rooms and I tried my best to help her, while trying to explain that most every room she wanted had been booked by someone else. She insisted that I move them around and I did my best despite the fact that the people who had originally booked the rooms were not in yet. Not that it mattered to her. She seems to get what she wants and it is my job to see that Raige, gets what she wants.

After appeasing Raige somewhat, I started fading fast. I told Felicia that I needed to go home and she wasn’t too keen on the idea, but I wasn’t going to be much good to anyone at work, in fact I would probably make things worse. Reluctantly she let me go and I grabbed my gear and split, riding back to Hoboken on a nearly empty Path train. Came home, called Bill and went to bed where I slept about 4 hours, after taking my temperature which turned out to be 96 degrees. I feel a little better now, not 100% but plan on going in to work tomorrow. I feel guilty about leaving work so early, but there was nothing I could do and no real reason for guilt. I hate being sick.