Today made for my three month anniversary at McMann and Tate. It went well. Very interesting situation, very busy not put off by certain people and I kept getting job offers, or job postings from Lawrence, Virginia and Michelle’s company. Virginia has me set up for an interview tomorrow but I’m not so sure I could make it. It pays well but I don’t know if I can get out of the office in time to do it. I’m already thinking of excuses to get me out of that. Next week, I may have other interviews, but since I have notice of the possibilities I can get out of work when needed.

There of course is a twisted aspect to the whole thing. I’ve been getting along with some new employees and I think I may have hit my groove at work. It’s starting to be a walk in the park, but Bill reminded me about how I felt last Tuesday going to have dinner with Annemarie and Earl. Sometimes I hit the groove and everything goes well, and other times it is nothing but shit. The thing is I feel I will let them down if I leave, and these are the people who’ve told me to think about whether or not I want to continue working there only three weeks ago.

That is the actual event that started the new job search. I cast the fishing lines out and they seem to be biting right now, actually it’s more like they’re nibbling. On one hand I feel like I’m fitting in, and on the other hand I still feel like the rank outsider. It’s a strange position to be in. And with everything happening on the third month anniversary it truly makes for a strange brew.

Of course, nothing could happen at all. Yesterday I thought I’d be given a hero’s welcome at Michelle’s office, and I wasn’t (though that 10:30-6:30PM gig she told me about today was mighty sweet and tempting). This could all be me building this up in my head. It might just be a good day at the office. I think there is the other shoe waiting to be dropped. So much on my mind.

I’m glad Bill was here to talk me in off the ledge. I was a bit out of sorts, alone with my thoughts walking down to the World Trade Center Path train, listening to Talking Heads and smoking a Padron, it’s was all I could think of. I’m glad Bill was home tonight, not just for his support, but we are watching a documentary on the drug culture and music from the sixties and I’m pointing out who’s who. It’s an eye opener for Bill, learning about the sixties culture. Not that I experienced it first hand, just had easy access to the information, I experienced the sixties twenty years later, and in some ways I still am, but with a touch of punk sensibility and the whole DIY thing. Then again, Do It Yourself (DIY) is probably a hold over from the sixties. The more things change, the more they stay the same.