Mellow Mood

4 Replies

Well I just woke up from a nap that I didn’t think I needed, but it turns out that I did. It seemed to shake the cobwebs off my increasingly bitter mind.

I woke up tired this morning and then after getting bagels and whatnot, I got the packages together to ship back to the fraudulent manufacturers. I was so plagued by doubt and self loathing, plus an unhealthy attitude to most of the world.

I had a great talk with Annemarie who did her best to bolster my spirits and I did my best to resist her attempts. She suggested the nap which made sense after I came home.

Last night I mainly sat in the dark until 11:00. Bill came home and tried to be comforting but I was too uncomfortable for that. Even Juan called, somewhat alarmed after reading last night’s entry. And here I was thinking that Juan didn’t read this anymore.

That was awfully nice. It’s funny- a week before, I had an excellent day with Juan. Last Friday, going to Ikea, where I hadn’t laughed like I did in a long time. Even last Saturday, going to Hiro Takeshita’s art opening with Bill was nice.

Somewhere between then and now it all turned to shit, or at least started to.

I do think Bill was disappointed last night when he asked what time we were going to Dan and Shawn’s party in Jersey City this afternoon. I used to work with Dan at Wanker Banker, 5 years ago. He left in 2004.

I told Bill I wasn’t much into going to it anymore, complaining that it would mainly be theater people. As I said that, I remembered that Bill is theater people.

I’d like to think I was more on the fence rather than dead set against going to the party, and I am pretty sure I was dragging my feet about it, going back a couple of weeks ago.

In any event, the invitations and the directions can’t be found at this moment in time. I can’t find it and neither can Bill and I forwarded him the invite a month or so ago.

Well I just searched my gmail trash and there was the invitation, for last Sunday. So all that worry for nothing.

Tonight Bill is taking me somewhere, one of his surprises that he told me about a few weeks ago. He loves to surprise me, loves the whole ‘I ain’t sayin’ shit’ about it. This drives me crazy.

I was thinking we were going to the Rhythm Revue tonight at Roseland that his Stuyvesant Town neighbor told him about. He was hopped up about it and I figured that was it.

I even guessed it, but I was incorrect. Then I figured we were going to Bob Mould’s Blowoff dance party in Brooklyn tonight and I was certainly dreading that. I asked him if we were going to Brooklyn and he said no.

He said we would be taking the Path train to Christopher Street and that was all he was going to say about it. He gave me the chance to ask 2 more questions, but since this was pre-nap I didn’t.

I did ask if we were doing something gay and he said ‘hell no’. So that was a relief.

All I know is that we have to be on our way by 8:30.

Hopefully the fraudulent scheme from these companies is taken care of, after getting Return Authorization numbers and shipping them back via certified mail. It’s amazing what a nap can do.

That’s it. An early posting, way earlier than usual. Thought it best to strike while the iron is hot.

Better, not bitter

Better, not bitter

Seventy Six Trombones

1 Reply

Well it’s Friday. I’m supposed to have Fridays off but here I am in the office waiting for phone calls. I called up Vivek and told him that I was in and waiting to hear from Raj in Pennsylvania.

Vivek made a comment that this job is mine if I want it and I told him I did. I also told him that I think I would be good at it. Basically I would be a salesman. Vivek seemed surprised at my confidence, then made a comment that it would help if I wouldn’t be as moody as I’ve been for the past couple of weeks.

Well as I mentioned the other the other day I was working on it. I’m doing my best to smile as I pick up and throw out used tissues, and to ignore the conservative loud mouths going on a few feet away from my desk.

I’m sure it was inadvertent but Vivek’s words had an undermining effect. But I can’t do anything until I hear from Raj and then ask Vivek or his business partner or Abby and so far they haven’t called despite my attempts to reach them.

And that is making me feel depressed. I did have some plans for fun and whatnot today but those fell by the wayside when I found myself having to come into the office without pay, and also when I found out that Bill was not going to work and was planning on being around the apartment.

That made it just as well that I was going to work. Nothing against Bill of course, but lately I’ve been feeling a bit unmoored.

My gmail box is near full so I’ve been going back and deleting just about everything, going as far back as 2005. In going that far back I’ve found some fun things and some sad things. 2005 was when Bill and I had a falling out and there are some pictures that he had taken to perhaps boost up our relations.

They didn’t have the desired effect. In fact there was little or no desire to be had. 4 years later, it still leaves me bitter.

It’s a beautiful day outside and once again, I ain’t feeling it. Why? because I’ve been sitting in a cube in my office waiting to hear from people who’ve insisted that getting in touch with me is so very important.

Well I’ve left a few messages for these people and haven’t heard a word. The day just gets better from there.

I come home all gloomy Gus, and find 2 packages at my door with my name on it. I ordered some cigars the other day but these did not seem too heavy. Nevertheless, my name was on the packages and I brought them upstairs and opened them.

One package contained weight loss diet supplements, the other had two bottles of collagen for face and body. I didn’t order either of these.

I call up my bank after pulling up my account on the computer and there were 4 charges to my bank card, all done on Monday, April 20, within minutes of each other.

The bank does what they can on the phone and suggest that I go to a branch and cancel my card and have the charges disputed.

I do that and and sit with Antoinette who does what she can, cancels my card and gives me forms with the wrong apartment number. I come home and call these companies. 3 of them seemed understanding and cancelled, the 4th had a dick named Tou in customer service.

They claim that someone must have stolen my card. I ask them how often does someone have a card stolen and have products shipped to the card holder. They tell me they can’t explain the criminal mind.

This guy Tou tells me I have to get a police report and send it in. Once I get off the phone with this idiot, I walk down to the police station and ask to file a police report.

The officer behind the desk tells me they could give me a case number but I wouldn’t be able to get a copy of the report until Monday.

Right now I’m fit to be tied. I really hoped to talk to someone, and with all the numbers in my cellphone, there was no one I could talk to.

Everyone has their own problems and more than likely don’t want to hear about mine.

And I could be writing more but I’m a pussy. I censor myself when I write this blog. And once again I’m leaving it at that.