I Can’t Hear You

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Another other day another doofus. That was my Facebook status in the beginning of the day. Woke up feeling hungover, but not from alcohol since I did not have a drink. More of an angry hangover and that anger met with despair this morning.

Last night was the staph meeting and it went relatively well, the only problem was the fact that someone (more than likely Jerry Vale) threw out my bottled water. I didn’t get home until after midnight which did not make me very happy.

Bill once again kissed me goodbye, telling me he loved me that I was beautiful and I said in return that I loved him too and asked him to be careful. I walked to the bus stop and sat waiting for my bus, smoking a cigar that I started last night and feeling such depression. Nothing happening job wise, no responses from real people or companies, just bull shit from Career Builders and the ilk.

I was so trapped in my own head as I stared out the window. My neighbor Deborah got on the bus and talking with her certainly helped me out. I was avoiding talking to Bill, not calling him while waiting for the bus though I did call him once I was near the cigar shack. He noticed the despondency in my voice and I did my best to lie and just say everything was awesome. Word to the wise, if you ask me how I am and I say ‘awesome’ I am more than likely not awesome.

I of course had to bury my feeling and my state of mind when I started work which may have convinced Calvin that I was OK but Thomas knew. Of course Thomas knew. I confide in him and hope he is trustworthy. He is a gentleman. Or at least his blog states that he is.

As the day progressed my spirits had gotten somewhat better. I spoke with Bill again and also with Pedro. And made plans for a beach trip with my niece on Monday. Something to look forward to. On Sunday I am scheduled to go to Millbrook NY and represent the cigar shack at some event that to my dismay does not involve LSD.

I volunteered for it thinking that it would be nice to get out of town and since I am off Monday and Tuesday it seemed like a near perfect getaway.

At last I am home once again. And once again I am, if not down in the dumps, in the vicinity of them. At the cigar shack, the area around the cigar shack was shut down due to a suspicious package found nearby. No evacuation, just a lot of people walking past, a lot more than usual and drivers and pedestrians yelling at each other.

I ordered food since I was hungry and hadn’t eaten since 2:30 in the afternoon. Of course the delivery was late and the order was incomplete. I have to remember to not order from Good Burger anymore. They always fuck up my order.

A day off tomorrow and my only plan is to see the Guitar Bar All Stars as they play by the Hudson River. It will be good to see the funniest woman alive once again as well as her husband Mr. Wonderful and their kids. And I get to sleep later than usual tomorrow morning.

I Can’t Hear The Music

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Back in the shack again after a day off. Yesterday was an alright day, nothing to write about even though I did. I can’t say it was entertaining or informative, that would be up to you. Slept relatively well which was good. Woke up to Bill kissing me good bye and telling me he loved me. That’s always nice to hear even if I am such a crab ass when I am laying bed. I did have the idea of actually attending the St. Ann’s feast but it started raining and when it stopped raining the idea had gone away.

At the shack today it’s a full staff. Calvin is back from his sojourn and has called a meeting so that means Bradley, Thomas, myself and Jerry Vale are all in attendance. I don’t know what the meeting will be about, no one does and maybe even Calvin doesn’t know since he is in the man cave writing notes on what to say.

We all got nice packages from Calvin and the convention he attended, a few packs of various cigars that he picked up in Las Vegas. I’m looking forward to having a few. They were given as homework which when the same thing happened last year with Marcus returning with goodies, I took him seriously and wrote down notes and impressions of each cigar. They were never asked for or collected.

So these are mainly for smoking I guess and enjoy them I will. The staff meeting is after the store closes and beer and pizza is provided. I raised a few eyebrows when I said I wasn’t drinking. Not feeling the need to have a beer and talk shop, literally. Not much of a drinker these days. Not unless I am in the bosom of my family. And obviously I am not.

Not so much into running for the bus with beer on my breath and then there is the price to pay tomorrow. Perhaps the adage of ‘one’s too many and a hundred’s not enough’ applies to me or at the very least this situation. The first time I heard that saying was from Nick Lowe but he was singing about kisses and not beer or booze. At least I think he was.

So the pizza is on the way and I got myself a diet caffeine free Pepsi. Calvin and Bradley are in the man cave. Beers were had by everyone but me. I didn’t mind. I was happy with my soda. Calvin ran down his list on how things were and how things should be. It was all mainly positive reports with events on the calendar coming up. Should be interesting.

I have to say I certainly did not expect Jerry Vale to start swearing like he had Tourette’s Syndrome. I know it wasn’t funny but I couldn’t help but laugh. Eventually Calvin noticed the fact that I was checking my watch as things were winding down and Thomas and myself started getting ready to head out. I couldn’t find my bottle of water and was disappointed to find that it was thrown out to make room for the beer they had for the meeting.

I also texted Bill to let him know that I was still at the cigar shack. The text went unanswered leaving me to assume that he was still in rehearsal. I came home and found Bill in bed. He stirred somewhat and asked why I was still at the shack at that late hour.

I told him a staff meeting and he mentioned something that I didn’t hear and so he repeated it, but since I didn’t understand what it was I said yeah and wished him a good night as I walked out of the room.

I hold much in disdain.