I Don’t Want You Now

Leave a reply

Yesterday was day five, ten hour shifts and I was toast before I even headed in. I saw Bill only for about five minutes before I headed out the door and I was so stressed. Near the cigar shack the same six holiday songs, done in a New Orleans Dixieland style are played loudly and endlessly on a loop, as if it was the sounds of the holiday signaling the oncoming apocalypse.

Ahead of me lay a long day, a Saturday with a staph meeting at the end. I was not sure about what the staph meeting would entail or the length. Last time there was pizza and beer as well as a free cigar of our choice and if that was to be the case then it was probably going to be a long dazed journey into night.

As per usual I took the bus into the city and walked up the avenue, getting my egg sandwich and arriving at the cigar shack earlier than I needed to. Zack was opening so that meant I would have to enjoy my sandwich standing up in the pantry next to the garbage can instead of being able to sit in the office before signing in for the day.

Thomas and Frank Burns were in, with Jerry Vale expected later in the day after he gets out of his other job. I was alright thanks to a Xanax, but still could sense despair on the edges of my outlook. The ritual 3:00 phone call with my sister had her alarmed by my bleak vision.

In hindsight it was probably the darkest part of the day for me, more than likely from not having eaten lunch yet. After a burger deluxe and a chocolate shake I did call her back to let her know that I was feeling better. If I don’t eat, I crash- mentally, physically and spiritually. The day went on as it was supposed to, ending with Thomas and myself nabbing the top two spots in sales respectively.

Still the staph meeting was scheduled and neither Thomas or myself knew what was in store. Were we going to be chewed out? Was Frank Burns going to be the anointed assistant manager? It turned out to be quite a mild meeting, Zack reading aloud from notes, as the rest of us dutifully followed.

Questions were asked and answered and the whole thing was over and we were out of the shack by 10:30, leaving Zack to finish his cigar alone. I lucked out, getting on the subway platform just as an express train was heading downtown.

I was wary about a long line and wait like last Saturday but there was no need. Things were going as they should, the Path was running so there wasn’t hundreds of other people waiting for the Hoboken bus. I was home by 11:00 and watched Saturday Night Live before heading to bed.

Bill phoned from Atlantic City, lovingly concerned about my wellbeing. I reassured him that I was home and doing alright.




If 6 was 9

I Don’t Want You Back (Fuck It!)

Leave a reply

I just don’t really understand it, it seems to be a time thing. This time last year I was feeling very much the same only not as intense as I feel now. Last year was a time of uncertainty and nit still is and like last year I am subject to the whims of the universe and man are they kicking my ass.

It is affecting my sleep, at least last night it did. I can’t seem to shut off my brain which leaves me to lay in bed, listening to air escaping from Bill’s sleep apnea mask which is better than his snoring. I went to bed at a decent hour and closed my eyes and tossed and turned and then after about 30 minutes got out of bed, took 2 melatonin tablets and surfed the net for about 20 minutes.

Then I went back to bed and waited for the melatonin tablets to kick in. I guess they did since I did do something resembling sleep, but I wouldn’t call it restful and I wouldn’t say nit was enough. Bill kissed me goodbye saying all the nice things he usually does and I couldn’t even open my eyes. I did speak to him but I really don’t know what we were talking about or even if we were talking about anything besides the usual morning ‘I Love You’.

He left and I stayed in bed eventually getting out about an hour later. Then it was the same thing, shower, coffee, cereal. I was out again on Washington Street waiting for the bus, oblivious to most everything and feeling a few steps behind everyone else in the world.

Neighbor Deborah got on at the next stop and since I didn’t see her in about a week I chewed her ear off. It was quite an interesting story and funny thanks to the spin I put on it. The story consumed the entire bus ride into the city and she was sympathetic as well as supportive, reminding me of a possibility next month which we had discussed in the past.

I got to the cigar shack area and killed sometime before heading in. It was Thomas and Frank Burns (who really does look like a possum when he does not wear his eyeglasses and eats) at the controls. It was fairly busy today so there wasn’t much time to get in each other’s way.

At lunch time I planned on sitting on that bench near the park but found it to be too cold so I went back to the man cave and sat and read the New Yorker (Food Issue- yawn) and Mojo Magazine which wasn’t as engrossing as I hoped. Jimmy Seltzer made an appearance as did My Friend My Friend.

Now it’s just Thomas and I and we are actually doing things. Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day with a staff meeting at the end of a 10 hour shift. Jerry Vale, Zack, Frank Burns, Thomas and I. Should be a nightmare, at least. I don’t think I will post tomorrow so I will post on Sunday instead.