Category Archives: WTF

I Don’t Want to Die (In the Hospital)

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Well today was different. It certainly was a change, what with having to get to the cigar shack at 9:30 and open which is usually someone else’s job. It was Zack’s doing since I had requested Sunday off and since the schedule had to be rearranged I didn’t mind.

I was a bit anxious about it since it was going to be me and Zack for two hours before Thomas and Frank Burns were due in. I walked up to the bus stop and waited. A totally different type of person on the bus earlier in the morning, earlier than what I am used to.

It wasn’t so bad as I ran onto Alice G on the bus and we had an interesting chat about our jobs, our pasts and our futures. Alice has big plans afoot, she’s in Psychic TV and a documentary on Genesis P. Orridge is going to be released as well as a tour of Australia and New Zealand. All very exciting but then again Alice G is quite an exciting woman. Having written that, I’m dumbfounded that I have known her for over 20 years.

Zack has been acting weird lately ever since Calvin took a powder so I did not know what to expect. Actually I was expecting something like how Raymond was let go. He came in, there was a discussion and a few minutes later Raymond was gathering his things and headed out the door. But nothing happened, it was merely Zack sitting in his office and me trying to keep busy.

It’s a weird situation for all concerned and perhaps weird for those that happen to be unconcerned. Zack didn’t want the position he is in now and he found it thrust upon him. He’s making the most of it and doesn’t want to fail and personally I don’t want to see him fail. I believe he and his girlfriend have a baby on the way though it hasn’t been announced.

Frank Burns actually let it slip and Zack and Frank Burns have been extraordinarily tight these days. Maybe it’s a gay thing, I don’t know. One is utterly fascinated with who may or may not be gay and the other stated that he and his cousin had sex a week or so ago, so I don’t know who to believe but it does make for some interesting talk.

Thomas came in as did Frank Burns and it made it difficult to be busy when there was now competition to be busy. Wiping down glass, facing cigars, emptying ashtrays. Well actually I’m the only one who empties the ashtrays, at least that is what some of the customers tell me.

An earlier lunch than usual and that was nice since the sun was still out and I was able to enjoy a cigar and read Please Kill Me some more. I finished the New Yorker and since the new one hadn’t arrived yet, I needed something to read. It fit the bill nicely.





06-mos_def-quiet_dog_bite_hard

I Don’t Wanna Know

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Another day, another dollar or in this case another roll of toilet paper. For the past two days I have been ill. I started feeling ill on Friday while at the cigar shack. I told Zack and Frank Burns how I was feeling and they were understandably alarmed for their own safety.

I did not mention how I was freezing in the shack since the last time I complained about how cold I was, Zack told me to stop whining. So I kept my mouth shut and worked while Frank Burns yelled at the television in the man cave with his cousin watching the World Series.

I think the bird team won, ably defeating every other team on the planet, therefore winning the World Series. Take that Zambia! Eat shit Lichtenstein! Drop dead Paraguay! Go to hell Sri Lanka! I made it home and after adding a few touches to the entry, I went to sleep and was able enough to make it to work on Saturday.

Definitely a low key kind of day, and once again when I got home I went right to sleep. Now somewhere between Saturday night and Sunday morning I took a turn for the worse. I did not sleep well at all and dear Bill was understandably concerned. He suggested making a doctor’s appointment and I reluctantly agreed.

Unfortunately, I could not make an appointment for Sunday, so I had to choose Monday, today. I woke up as usual on Monday morning and after spending a considerably amount of time in the bathroom, I called up the cigar shack manager and left a voice mail telling him how sick I was.

I had a feeling he wasn’t going to answer his phone. After that I went back to bed and slept another hour. Sweaty, fever dreams followed. Insane situations, people I hadn’t seen in years popped up in a too real manner. It was like high definition. After escaping the fever dreams (death eaters!) I hopped into the shower and put on some clean clothes and headed to the doctor.

Now I am not too fond of this doctor and his twin brother. It’s all too much like Dead Ringers, only these twins definitely do not look like Jeremy Irons. After waiting in the waiting room with a motley group of other ill and sniffling people I was escorted into the doctor’s office and within a few minutes involving a cold stethoscope the doctor gave me some anti-biotic and showed me the door.

It was quite a nice door. Wood, I think. Then I made my way back home and went back to sleep. A few hours later I woke up and was feeling a little better. A bit hungry and not as dehydrated as I was earlier, I plan on returning to the cigar shack tomorrow.

I dislike being sick but then again I am sure everyone dislikes being sick. Worst Halloween ever! Back in the day I would get sick from eating too much candy. Not this time. No candy, no trick and no treat for me.




Angels and Devils