Category Archives: Shed a tear

Advantage in Height

In 1987 I went on a trip to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina with some people from McSwells. Steve Raposito, Susan Sear, Martha Groffin, Julie Meanderhall and Bonnie Hauxhurst.

It was my first and only time that I visited North Carolina. The plan came to being one night at McSwells with the principals involved and it seemed like a fun thing to do. We went in two cars. Martha, Steve, Susan and myself in one car, Julie and Bonnie in the other. Bonnie and Julie were a couple at that time.

It was a long, arduous trip down there. We talked about Blue Velvet which was filmed in North Carolina and was released a year earlier so that added a creepy thrill to this vacation.

I think we went down in May before the summer season. We rented a house across the street from the beach and at the time, the outer banks were still somewhat underdeveloped.

One night after having been there for a few days, Martha, Susan, Steve and I decided to do some LSD. Acid was around quite a bit in the 1980’s. Julie and Bonnie didn’t partake. After an hour the four of us were buzzing nicely and decided to venture out to the beach.

It was quite dark out and somehow I was separated from the other three. Martha also became separated. I recall walking on the beach, singing Walking After Midnight and making a pact with the crabs, telling them I wouldn’t step on them if they stayed out of my way. I

t was a good pact and no crabs were stepped on.

It was only a matter of time when the four of us would meet up again in the darkness. I heard Susan and Steve before I saw them and then the three of us were loud enough for Martha to hear us and reconvene.

Steve and Susan were going on about a penis they found which I believe was a toothbrush holder. Martha actually found a penis sculpture in the sand that was about 10 feet long.

It was quite an impressive sculpture. Perhaps the crabs had something to do with it. The sun came up and we wandered back to the house in the light of dawn.

Not many people were stirring and we needed provisions. I went with someone, could have been Steve, could have been Martha to the generals store where a few townsfolk were there starting up their day.

There was a radio playing Roy Orbison, specifically In Dreams which was also featured in Blue Velvet. Behind the counter was an older woman, older to my 24 year old eyes in a bouffant and skirt dancing around, twirling and singing to Roy Orbison.

I turned to Martha or Steve and asked if they were seeing what I was seeing. They were. We bought whatever it is we were buying, probably cigarettes and got out of there as soon as we could, laughing all the way back to the house.

It probably took a day to recover from the trip. But the vacation wasn’t going to last for me anyhow. On a sightseeing trip, while on a ferry I was suffering from sunstroke and while trying to get to some shade and very angry dog snapped at me causing me more distress.

It got a big laugh from the others, that if I wasn’t doing so well before, the dog snapping at me truly was a side splitter.

It didn’t matter much for me anyhow. A day or so later I was getting on a bus to go to Philadelphia to see Wire playing their first US show in a number of years.

Don’t know why that story came up. I was actually going to write about it the other day. Guess I had nothing else to write about.

Mr. Lee

Well today was the day of the interview. Not much to report on. Just met with a staffer at an agency. They check you out before sending you to the actual company. Then the company interviews you and then makes their decision.

The only drawback I can see if the fact that they are asking for a college diploma, ideally a bachelor’s degree and I did not go to college due to my loathing of education.

If you think I’m smart, it isn’t because of schooling. It’s more from the people I’ve met and things that I’ve read on my own. Obviously I don’t recommend this for everyone. I don’t regret not going to college, but I wonder what those college graduates who are presently jobless might be thinking.

The interview went well I think though. Met with Peter Lee since the original person I was supposed to meet was out today. We clicked I think and he mentioned that if this doesn’t happen, then he would keep me in mind for other positions that might come up.

I think they’re connected through the New York State Department of Labor so they might get a kick back if they can place someone in a job somewhere. The job was originally posted through their Paramus NJ offices and when Peter mentioned that I was ready to say I can’t work in Paramus.

But no, the job is at 38th Street and Fifth Avenue. I do have to take a skill test which Peter sent to my email. That’s a bit nerve wracking even without the pressure. Of course it all boils down to confidence and that is something I generally lack.

I’m going to wait until Bill comes home so he can bolster my spirits and perhaps give me a nudge in the right direction while I do the test. He’s been so good lately with his belief in me (though he always believes in me, a lot more than I believe in myself) and I can say that without him I’d more than likely be lost.

I have given advice to various people in the past advising them to stop beating themselves up, the world is always more than willing to do that to them. And of course I have difficulty in following my own advice leaving me with the wringing of my hands, the scratching of my head and an overall sense of uselessness.

With all that on my mind it’s no surprise that I didn’t sleep to well last night. I was tired enough but couldn’t really sleep too well due to the fact that Bill’s sleep apnea mask was making some noise which kept waking me up.

At some point I did ask him to take the mask off. He heard me ask him that but still slept with the mask on.

I did eventually get a couple of hours of sleep once Bill went to work. And then’s when I had a dream about my father. And it wasn’t a bad dream.

I never dream of him as far as I can remember but it started out with my brother Brian cleaning the front of 13 Riverview, where we used to have bushes. I went into the house where I saw my father and gave him a hug.

He was talking to someone about me, saying that I used to be called Idaho John since that’s where I was conceived (?) but now that I go out with men of color (that would be Bill) I’m now called Black John.

Yes it was a weird dream and I quite sure I wasn’t conceived in Idaho in any event.

Just got a phone call from the previous job. My replacement was asking me about the dimensions of a glass table piece that was broken last year. As if I carry that info around. I never had the info to begin with and suggested she get a tape measure and measure it herself.

Such knuckleheads they be.

It's me

It's me