Ok. Back to work today. I didn’t really care about what was scheduled for me today. There was the meeting with the Persian Bitch and Helen Devilakos. It was supposedly the Persian Bitch’s wanting to put it behind us. So a truce was planned. I agreed to attend. How could I not?

It started late. The Persian Bitch and I circling outside the conference room, careful to avoid any contact. When Helen Devilakos arrived we sat. Helen thanked us for cooperating on the matter. She acknowledged there is a problem and she wants to get it resolved. Ok? She doesn’t want to hear any he said, she said things. That should really not be.

We’re both excellent workers. Helen pointed out that she’s not saying that I am an excellent worker and the Persian Bitch’s boss says she’s a good worker. Not at all. It is an issue of unsatisfactory team building performance. So she thought it would be a good idea to air out our problems.

The PB went first. She doesn’t personally dislike me. She just feels that I pick on her. She claims to be of utmost professionalism, and tries to present herself this way. I had blood in my mouth for I had been biting my tongue. She also was upset because certain people, not me, felt that she was being ultra sensitive.

She doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. Helen threatened with disciplinary actions if it doesn’t work.

Then it was my turn up at bat. I spoke about how often I tried to help her, because it’s my job and each time I was rebuffed. I’m sure they had to do a quick scan of their mental dictionaries trying to find the word ‘Rebuff’. I mentioned how when she first started and I was trying to help her out cleaning a conference room and she insisted on being able to do the job alone, telling me she didn’t want or need any of my help. I said, ‘each time I put a hand out to help, she bit it.’

Oh what a great line. There are a few other good lines but I don’t want to go there. It ended with Helen Devilakos making us shake hands. My hands just cringed when I wrote that. Helen said that once we left the room we were new employees. Nice. The PB went her way and I went mind not looking at each other again. I try to not even see her when I am next to her. I have even gone so far as to have the lobby security call me when she’s coming in so I could just be away from my desk and not have to look at her.

It’s really better that way.

Things got more interesting at the afternoon meeting. Too many names to write, and yes, I’m being lazy. Pseudonyms can be so exhausting. But the gist of it is that the PB got reamed by a few people. I didn’t partake since I had made ‘peace’ with her a few hours before. Even her fat ass accomplice got a piece. Of course Fat Ass turned on the tears but someone, not me, told her to knock it off. Everyone knows she’s a different person in here, out there she’s a beast.

It was great. Then there were ideas and a poster board where we all wrote a word on what we want out of the company. I forgot what I wrote.

That’s where my head is at.

It ended with more of Helen’s insistence on shaking hands. I got out of there as soon as possible and washed my hands.

Monday again. Followed the advice I heard as I was leaving the office early on Friday that it would be understood if I called in sick today. And sick I felt so sick I called. Unfortunately no one was around to play hooky with, all I could do was play with myself. Chatted a few times with Juan and a few other irregular regulars on gay.com.

It was somewhat productive in the sense that I was able to scan some job search websites and send out the resume. Yes I am hopeful but wary of rejection, which is always a possibility. The glass is neither half full nor half empty, this vessel seems empty. But there is always a chance, it has happened before it might happen again. Where’s Lou Christie?

Ran a few errands, got some bagels, a woman behind the counter on weekdays, surly bagel makers have Mondays off I suppose. The woman looked and sounded like Edie Falco but it wasn’t. Maybe it was merely a hangover from last night’s episode of ‘The Sopranos’. To top it all off I got a haircut after that. Risky business for me since I hadn’t had a cup of coffee yet.

The barbershop on the corner usually has a few paisans in it and this morning seemed like a convention of the pinkie ring set. Fine with me. I told my barber that I hadn’t heard talk like that since Lodi. He laughed saying they talk like that all the time. Nicky and Vinnie and don’t forget Tony. I felt like an extra on the set of the Sopranos.

I didn’t have much hair to cut so it took about 15 minutes with the Three Stooges playing in the background. I did consider get a cut like Moe’s but my hair simply wasn’t long enough and they didn’t know where the bowl was. Made some pasta for lunch and then headed into the city, with enough time to wander around, perhaps have a cigar and read the New Yorker. Of course I stopped once I got in the city to see if there were any British music magazines out this week having bought Mojo last week. There was Uncut magazine which I snapped up fairly quickly and I turned and headed to the counter, where behind the sales guy was the wonderful blue color of Gauloises.

This was the same store that told me in January that they didn’t have anymore. I’m not complaining, and bought what I could and left somewhat satisfied. Immediately rolled one up and it was heaven or at least something that brought me thismuchcloser to heaven.

Sat in Washington Square Park listening to production assistants and avoiding the point of view of various cameras making student films. So if you’re watching a Sundance Channel short student film and see someone that looks like a cross between Philip Seymour Hoffman and Drew Carey in the background chances are, it is Drew Carey or Philip Seymour Hoffman smoking a Padron.

I met up with Bill and we headed over to see Philip Beansprout for our Monday night therapy. I mentioned the hobgoblins at work and how I played hooky. I also brought up my bad handling of taking compliments. Low self esteem issues that would be better handled in individual therapy rather than couples counseling is what Philip Beansprout said.

Initially when we started the therapy with Philip Beansprout the first session left Bill feeling he was ganged up on. Tonight I knew how he felt.

Last Wednesday I mentioned how horny I was to Bill as we were going to see the Dave Chappelle movie. Bill didn’t want to hear it. At least didn’t want to hear how he thought I was saying it. I didn’t mention the fact that I saw this gorgeous man, 6’5”, dressed right out of GQ magazine, wearing a fedora and smoking a nice cigar. My type of man. Untouchable, unhaveable, but enough to stir up the loins.

That’s why I had mentioned how horny I was. Not to rub it in Bill’s face, so to speak. But he heard it as that, I saw his reaction and decided to swallow whatever it is I was going to say. I had a shit day, saw a hot guy. Let’s talk about the shit day.

So we saw the film, Bill and I had a deep chat before he hopped on the train to stay with his cousin that night. I didn’t mention the fact that I was more than likely hypoglycemic as good doctor Sunshine pointed out since she is my sister and had the same symptoms.

So what I learned tonight is not to nag, not to mention if I am horny. If anything happens it will happen. If it doesn’t, there’s always somewhere else to go. Do I need to keep reminding myself of that fact? Because I feel I might be going elsewhere more often than not. That’s how it is. That’s how it’s gonna be.