It’s September 11 again. Remembrances, memorials and moments of silence. The world continues spinning. Overall it’s a sad day. As the years go on, the pain and tears lessen but the occasional pang erupts and eyes moisten. A lot of people took off the day in the city it seemed. Noticeably fewer people on the sidewalks. Today was perfect weather wise for a day like today. Gray and overcast, and quite humid. Could have done without the humidity. Nothing you can do about that just as there is nothing you can do about the past. Just got to move on and take your time while doing so.

Annemarie was right. The eggs are being thrown out though I wish I had someone I disliked enough to throw them at. The White House is too far away, and Cheney’s Chamber of Mystery is too well hidden, so I guess it’s in the trash they will go. I prefer free range eggs myself, but who can turn down 2 and a half dozen free eggs? Not me, obviously. The eggs expired, or actually the last day they could be for sale was September 9, which is the day I made the brownies from hell. I think it was the plastic since that was the taste I could not get out of my mouth, not the eggs. But since the sell by date has come and gone, time to donate those eggs to the garbage man. Such is the life of an egg donor like myself.

Woke up this morning, and like yesterday it was overcast which was like waking up in the winter, in darkness. Makes it difficult to rouse oneself out of slumber but I was able to, on my own, no prodding from Bill since he was with his mom last night. I guess there will be five more weeks of that. He plans to stay over tonight and tomorrow so I will wake up on my birthday with Bill next to me and go to bed the same way, with Bill next to me. That’s a nice way to start and end my birthday. Of course I can think of other things to make the day that much sweeter, but those thoughts remain silent and buried in my consciousness.

I got an early present from Annemarie, Rex and Earl who mailed a package from San Francisco and arrived yesterday. I tried to hold off on opening it, but Annemarie made me open it. She insisted and pulled the older sister tone of voice (no she didn’t). I got two books by Sherman Alexie, an iTunes gift card, Bruce, Boz Scaggs, Cat Stevens, Damian Marley and a collection of songs from Woody Allen’s films that she burned for me at my request. And also at my request, most importantly cookies and brownies that don’t make me ill and taste like, surprisingly enough like cookies and brownies. What is her secret?

Just got a phone call from Teo Oliveri who was a neighbor when I lived in a basement hovel at 1124 Willow Avenue in Hoboken. He called to wish me a happy birthday as he was on his way to a 12 step meeting. Good for him and good luck to him. He was a little out of control when I last saw him, but I have seen worse from other people.

I was supposed to go out for cocktails with Renee, a former employee of McMann and Tate and Amiable Alan who still works there. It was planned last week and the plans started to fall apart last night, finally collapsing when Alan couldn’t make it due to the oily wolves he works for. C’est la vie. It’s good to be home.

Gimme a cookie!

It’s Monday afternoon. I went to work for about two hours. Left feeling rather gross. Clammy, sweaty, upset stomach and bad taste in my mouth which is no taste at all. Yesterday I didn’t do too much of anything, no beach day but I did make brownies. Not those kind of brownies since the special ingredient is too expensive to use sometimes. Just plain old brownies. I had all these eggs that Julio gave me a couple of weeks ago and I thought it best to use them before they hatched. I grabbed an old mixing bowl from the top shelf of my pantry and it was a little dusty so I cleaned it and scrubbed it and thought it was ok to use.

I grabbed some eggs, some vegetable oil and some water and stirred about 60 times with a spoon. All seemed to be going well but the bowl smelled of plastic. I didn’t think too much of it as I placed the brownie batter in a tray, in the oven. Soon the whole apartment smelled like the bowl, or at least in my mind it did. 31 minutes later I took out the tray to let them cool and a little while after that I had a piece. It tasted ok, but there was that smell. Couldn’t get it out of my mind, and after eating a brownie or two, couldn’t get it out of my mouth. I wound up throwing out the whole batch.

Now, why would I bake brownies in 80 degree humidity? It was all about the eggs I guess. Not a good excuse especially since Annemarie is sending me a package of baked goods for my birthday like I always ask for. Just a bad idea. Felt funny strange after that though I could function. Woke up, feeling totally out of it. I imagined large pieces of plastic floating through my intestines, my blood stream. I got out of bed, showered, coffee. Bill spent the night over and headed to work, I dragged my ass soon after that, with each passing minute, feeling like crap.

Got to the bus, couldn’t even read, just stared out the window, trying to keep my eyes open. By the time I made it to work I was totally out of it and drenched in sweat. Felt like and looked like shit when I got to my desk, a bit annoyed that the weekend workers left all their crap laying around, making me clean it up. Changed t shirts and tried starting up the office, surprised that that was about all I could do for the day. Felt really clammy even though my desk is underneath a vent.

Carla came in and I made my move. I opted to leave at 10:00 since there really wasn’t anything else I could do and I was feeling so tired. I made it across town and was soon snoozing on a bus headed back to Hoboken. Took a nap for a few hours and feeling better. My temperature was 97.7 before the nap, now it’s 97.8. Progress?

I do feel a lot better. Just taking it easy. I threw away that nasty mixing bowl of plastic death. I can’t help but think the bowl was made in China.

Just got back from a walk outside, still muggy as all hell and once again, I am drenched.