It is what it is. And that’s Ok. Went to work today. Major accomplishment. It wasn’t raining so at least not having to deal with that made it a little bit easier. On the way to work I listened to Brian Eno’s latest record Another Day on Earth. Very moody. Mitt vocals! I was going to turn it off, play another song by someone else but couldn’t get a reason to. It certainly is interesting.

I strolled into work before Christina, did what I had to do and waited for the day’s drama to unfold. It got quite odd when the lush locked herself in a private phone room with a door that doesn’t lock. She simply couldn’t figure out how to turn a latch. And she is currently in charge of the office with Bleedin Hope touring the continent.

Met up with Bill after work. We went to the anti-war rally, which now in hindsight seems most apt. I told him and I do believe this, that an open relationship is the way to go if our plan to stay together will survive. I do admit a certain gloating when I was telling him of the fact that my 14 month drought had ended. I had no guilt then and I have no guilt now.

He seemed surprised that I felt the way I did about open relationships, and he should be surprised considering how I was against them. But love is love. We shall remain a couple who love each other, though the fire of sexual desire for each other has cooled quite a bit.
I was worried because I thought he was still in his sexual compulsives group therapy, but it turns out he wasn’t, he was going on auditions.

I know what some of you are thinking…

So that’s what he’s been doing…and I believe him. I do love him, so I suppose like classic couples of the past a bohemian open relationship with me being the bohemian and Bill being, well, Bill. These roles can be interchangeable if need be.

After 14 months of me thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ and then suddenly posting an advert somewhere and getting all these messages about how hot I am, it was truly a well needed boost to my ego. And I think most people that know me, know my lack of self-confidence and low esteem. And that’s just the charming bit.

Self-Effacing? Check please! And could you wrap this self-deprecation to go? Thanks.

Of course rules, boundaries will have to be put in effect. Bill for instance won’t bring anyone to Hoboken. Me? Hey, somebody’s gotta host!

I know that makes me sound like I cruise the net all the time looking for hookups. I really don’t. Swear to dog. I was much busier way before the Internet. Now it’s all about something that I don’t really know how to speak about. I can write about it no problem, but very few guys are into wit.

Where is the grace of an erect cock outline grabbed outside of a guys pants. The subtlety of a wanton gaze? Where is the lust?

So it rules and boundaries and respect…

Well today was a day of inaction. On every level. I didn’t want to deal with the rain, I was tired when I woke up. So I did not go in. I couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed until 9:00. I did make it to the store and the dry cleaners. Two noticeable accomplishments. Oh, and a 2 hour nap.

I did get a phone call from work from Christina from her cell phone, telling me that the office phones were all down. That can’t be good. Glad I missed it.

I sometimes find myself looking back at my life, in the strangest signposts. Sexual, emotional, a varied sort. I remembered, after my sister told me about how I had to be pulled off the fence when I started Grammar school. Screaming and crying for my mother, not knowing why she abandoned me at this institution. I think that is where all my abandonment issues come from. Seems pretty obvious.

Presently I am on the phone with Julio, who is playing the role of a guidance counselor.
But as he hears me typing, he doesn’t want to hold me back from writing. Now he’s hung up, didn’t want to impede my writing.

I did watch some dvd’s of Six Feet Under from Netflix. Watched the ‘That’s My Dog’ episode. Still intense and more brutal than I remembered. Michael C. Hall deserved some award for that episode. And watching the repercussions on the following episodes makes me realize what a jewel of a show it was.

I definitely related to the David/Keith storyline. Reminded me of Bill and myself. My brother Frank complained to me from time to time how annoying it was to see them argue all the time. I saw that side, yet I also saw the tender side. I don’t think Frank did. Can’t ask too much.

Frank had an emergency trip to the hospital where a procedure was done on a major kidney stone. It’s been taken care of via procedure involving a camera going up his urethra. Ouch.

Had a lengthy phone call with Kathe Charas. We’re both going thru similar yet different situations. She’s been writing and I encouraged her to start a blog. She said she’s heard that from someone else as well.

I’m thinking about taking some things that I had written a while ago, some things I wrote for Lemon Custard, others from dusty notebooks that are close to 20 years old. I like to think I’ll take an active role and maybe edit, or find some priceless jewel that I wrote while sitting on a bar stool at the end of the bar in Maxwells.

But I was so inebriated and altered at the time it might be a cautionary tale for the future generations of people who ignore blogs such as this. The Lemon Custard stuff might be worthwhile. Just have to find where I put it. It should be fun to see how little my life has changed in almost 20 years. Real fun.

Rosa Parks died last night.

The 2000th GI was killed in Iraq today. No WMD’s were found.

10.25.05