Category Archives: Abstract Absurdist Otherness

Read it and weep! I’ve published and now, I be damned! There are some diamonds in this coal. Proceed with cautious carelessness.

The Warmth of the Sun

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It all seemed to be going so well. Listening to Ian Dury and the Blockheads, ‘Do It Yourself’. That record, now CD, always makes me feel good. What a crackerjack band those Blockheads, and what lyrics and vocals from the late Mr. Dury. ‘Through channels that were once canals, do lift the heart of my morale, to know, that we, are pals’. Never had a chance to see them, they only played the states once and it didn’t go well.

So I floated to work, listening to Do It Yourself, and I was feeling pretty good. It’s true, hell is other people. Once my coworkers started arriving, the day started going downhill. Being it was the day before the day before Thanksgiving, pies were ordered. Not just any pies, and not any pies in the immediate vicinity. No, these pies were across town.

They ordered about a dozen pies. Apple Sour Cream, Pumpkin, and Carrot Cake Apple sauce. Jamie the office manager and I had a town car to take us to the pie company, so the cost of 12 pies was about 500.00.

The president of the company paid for them. This is the same guy I spoke to about my issues at work. This is the same guy that has done nothing. And the issues and the situation have gotten worse.

I did hear from Jamie, that Bleedin’ Hope and her bleedin brain moved to San Francisco, which really confirms my suspicions that she lied about everything. I mean, if your brain was bleeding, do you think it would be a good idea to pull up your roots, forget the doctors, and move to the other side of the country?

No one bats an eye. Now the 34th floor water buffalo known as Wombus with the kidney problems has been whispering in the ear of her supervisor, Joe Hemosaxual. Faggot douche bag supreme. I’m sure that’s how he graduated from the business school. Such a fucking priss. He has no clue what’s going on, only what fat ass tells him. Fat ass comes in late, waddles around the office, annoying people with her Staten Island drone, and leaves early. She dresses like she’s going to play bingo in a trailer park. Sometimes she does nothing all day, stays late, gets a free dinner and a car service home to Staten Island.
He fired off an email stating that put upon Brenda isn’t a team player since she doesn’t really communicate with the other admin assistants. But doesn’t the Persian bitch fall into that category? She doesn’t speak to me, is she a team player? I mean I can picture her doing the team in the locker room in some triple X rated porn flick, but a team player?
No not at all.

She seems to have won over various people in the company. Men who are easily swayed by tight pants and four inch heels. I guess these neck bones never had the opportunity to be driving past the Javits Center late at night and seeing her doppelgangers outside turning tricks in rabbit fur coats.

And most of them are Transgendered who look way better, even with a five o’clock shadow. The only proper name for her is anatomical slang for vagina.
I desperately need to be out of there. Not her vagina, I wouldn’t be anywhere near that thing, but rather, out of Wanker Banker. It’s too bad. At one point it was a pretty good place to work. Now, I’m a relic, a dinosaur from another time. Maybe I should leave some dung behind so they could dig it up long after I’m gone.

Sneaky Feelings

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Bill just left. It was a long day. I heard it was nice outside, but we spent most of the afternoon indoors, talking. About everything, where we were, where we’re going. Tears were shed, hugs given. It’s amazing, when I talk to Bill I am so incredibly rational. I have to be because sometimes he can be very irrational.

I mentioned a few times the fact that counselling would be a good idea, and he was a bit resistant to it. But as we talked more and more and his issues kept popping up, I think he realized that he does need help and we both need help for our relationship. He is frightened of the fact that if I see someone else for sex, I might fall in love with that person and forget about him. That is the thing in the back of my mind for a long time and told him so.

He realizes that he can’t have it both ways. I said to him that we have a lot going for us, and sex is part of the equation that is lacking. Not easy to admit, but since he doesn’t find me sexually attractive, I will have to go somewhere else. I still love him and want him in my life.

That didn’t make him happy, but I think he realized that it was he who put this all in motion. Then somehow we wound up in bed doing things we’d never done before. A few times. It was great. It was a welcome return, and we really got into it.

We were both surprised at this. A lot of stress has fallen by the wayside. I know nothing has been solved and we still got a long way to go. Bill mentioned a game him and his friend Kevin used to play, called I think, ‘When and How Many?’ It was a support game they devised for each other, either that or it came from the life affirming group that they were both in called Life Spring.

So we decided, When will be January 3, 2006 and how many will be how many visits to couples counseling will be needed, and that is an unknown variable. Perhaps we’ve turned a corner or at least reawakened sexual urges for each other. I’m sure it’s the reawakening.

I do feel relaxed. Almost mellow. Not as stressed as I’ve been. It IS work, and it IS hard work. He complained that he’s tired of work, but he’s not getting off that easy. I had to point out his hypocrisy, which though easy to do, isn’t much fun. It’s like a game of chess. Some sort of chess, I really don’t know how to play, but it seems like every move he would make or everything he would say, I’d present how invalid his view was.

And it really was. I also had to school Bill on the levels of friendship, that I have great relationships with Julio and Pedro, but I have a different, deeper relationship with him. Bill’s also worried that my friends won’t like him and try to turn me away from him. I told him that my friends care deeply for me and I for them, but they realize that it’s my life and they might not like what I do with it, ultimately the decision is mine alone.