Just had a greasy bowl of Penne pasta, Pesto sauce and chicken. Quite good, but winds up sitting in your stomach as a ball of greasy dough. Not very appealing but should stave off the hypoglycemic demons. Also taking the opportunity to write right now because I probably won’t feel like writing much after tonights counseling session with your favorite shrink and mine, Mr. Philip Beansprout.

Yes, the same Philip Beansprout who said that when I get upset I turn to whatzits. That’s funny because I’ve been quite upset lately and haven’t really gotten laid at all. Oh but he has that special magic paper that enables him to know it all, so I must be wrong. And Bill played accompaniment to Phil’s statement, and Bill would know too how often I turn to whatzits when I’m upset.

So far my own principle of not mentioning whatzits again to Bill has held up nicely. I haven’t said a word. The reason for that is, because it seems like nagging to Bill and his advisors, i.e. Roberta and who knows who else. Their advice? If he keeps it up, dump him. Brilliant and understanding. Written later: I later found out that it wasn’t primarily about the whozits but more referring to that fact that I keep bringing up the bad shit from 6 months ago.

There is an underlying question to myself, and that is, will I publish this? Doubtful. Or merely make it private so no one can read it? Private! Private! I did that last week, my pen full of venom, published for a few minutes and then withdrawn after Juan concurred saying that it was a bit standoffish. So it was withdrawn and replaced with something innocuous. I’d be so great under pressure!

It really sucks to be in love with someone and not actually able to say what is on your mind. Awww.

Oddly enough, we both share the problem.

The way I’m feeling is that the whole counseling thing seems to be exasperating for ol’ Phil. It is for me too, and Bill could have Monday nights off so he can go do his thing, be it going to seances, or auditions. Has it run it course? Who knows? The insurance is bound to run out in a few more weeks anyhow so maybe the natural death will be the way to go for counseling. Drama! Tune in tomorrow for another chapter of “How John Ozed? How?”

It was a noble attempt if you ask me. Ah, the falling on the sword.I am feeling a heady mixture of antagonism and ambivalence. And not operating heavy machinery I might add. I don’t intend to be standoffish, quite the contrary, I intend to really not say much of anything. Umm, isn’t that standoffish? Of course I could be provoked into saying something. I’m not going to sit there, mute. What are the odds? Got to get my money’s worth. KaChing!

3 more hours to the gallows. Oooh…drama! There isn’t really anyway to say how the session will go. Could be good, could be bad, it’s just after last weeks session I have become pessimistic (moi?) about the whole schmear. And money is getting tight, at least for me it is. I want results! PRONTO!

Did wake up wrapped in Bills arms this morning. That hadn’t happened in what seemed like a while and I had almost forgotten how nice it felt. Awww.

Now it is later. The session was the usual see sawing topsy turvy banana sinclair. (?)

Ol’ Phil must get quite exasperated. There’s a lot of contradictions in most things that we say and it’s a wonder Phil doesn’t throw his hands in the air and kicking us out of his office.

Talked about a lot and ran out of time just as we were getting somewhere. Ain’t that always the case? Aren’t we a pair? You here at last on the ground, me in midair? Where are those laffy daffy clowns?

Anyway, we’ve been talking for hours and we think adopting a baby is the way to go.

Yeah, right.

No, really

A better day today than yesterday. Though a bit under the weather and the weather is quite gray, the Piper’s Union Local 154 have finally departed. I was able to be more productive and able to mix with society with no ill will. Juan has gone back to school, Bill’s coming back from Mohegan Sun sometime tonight and Julio should be up to watch the Sopranos in a little while.

Back to work tomorrow. Don’t have the usual dread, no knots in the stomach. I’m sure they’ll arrive in time for counseling tomorrow night.

I neglected to mention that Song gave me a set of coasters with Aboriginal art on them. Very nice.

Right now the NCAA is on. A few years ago when I was somewhat more interested in basketball, I was watching a very good, fast moving game. I don’t recall who was actually playing. There was some fantastic move and then they went to commercial break. I picked up the phone and dialed Julio.

The other end picked up and I said, “Yo, can you believe that? That was incredible!” He replied, “Man that was unreal. Hope they replay it” I thought for a second and realized I might have dialed the wrong number. The other end started to realize it too. “You’re not Julio are you?” “ Nope” “Well that was some play though” “Yeah, sure was,” we said to each other while laughing. How often does that happen? You dial the wrong number and start talking and the wrong number knows exactly what you’re talking about.

I still get a kick out of that.

So the Sopranos will be on tonight and after last week’s cliffhanger Julio and I are on pins and needles. Most everyone who saw it was surprised. Many different scenarios from a few of my friends. I do love the show. I saw guys like the Sopranos crew growing up. And its gets weird for me sometimes because they do film certain scenes in Lodi, where I’m from.

A few years ago I scammed tickets to the Sopranos screening for the second season at Radio City Music Hall followed by a big party at the Hilton up Sixth Avenue. It was a very cold night. I had taken Susan from Farfetched and Bill and Julio. We all dressed as nicely as we could and fit in quite well. Saw the first two episodes of the second season, then everyone trooped up Sixth Avenue on carpeted sidewalks.

Susan blagged off saying she was too cold. Bill, Julio and I soldiered on, prepared to eat and drink and mingle with the cast. I don’t recall seeing James Gandolfini or Edie Falco, but creator David Chase was there. Aida Turturro took a liking to Julio, Bill and I took a liking to looking good, smoking cigars and hanging out with guys that looked like made men. The pinkie ring set.

Great food, much wine, a few cigars. A perfect evening. I even told Jamie Lynn Sigler that she was great. Also told Steven Van Zandt that his Sun City record was life changing. Didn’t want to go the obvious route of bringing up Bruce.

I hope to have lunch with Song, hope to go to the gallery with Roda and Tony next weekend, and I hope Juan has a splendid time at school.

“That was intense.”