Wednesday night in the rainy season. Very wet despite precautions. So sick of the rain. I could never live in Arcata I would go insane so kudos to them that do. Today was busy and I was running around quite a bit. Major client in the office today and four more expected tomorrow. I will be a jugglin’. The day slid into stupidity as it wound down with more and more contact with people.

Sitting at home after a day like what I just described. Juan and I watched Sarah Silverman’s ‘Jesus is Magic’ DVD that Juan had bought yesterday. She’s very funny, and I hate to use the term edgy, but she is. She spins things on their head. It’s hard to describe but she’s quite outrageous. Bill watched some of it but couldn’t bear to watch too much since he’s tired and wasn’t really feeling her particular type of humor. She’s a lot like Sandra Bernhard back in the eighties.

Juan’s wisdom teeth are coming in and he’s in a bit of pain. I sympathize. Mine came in without a problem, low pressure. So much for being the same person.

I was thinking the same thing the other day about this blog. It felt like homework. I remembered the type of student I used to be, a C student. This caused my parents, actually my father a great deal of anguish. He came up with the brilliant idea that I should sit at the dining room table and do two hours of homework each school night. My brother Brian had to do the same thing. It didn’t matter if there was homework that could be done in 10 minutes or a half hour or if there was no homework at all.

We would have to sit at the table with my parents twenty feet away in the living room watching television very loudly. My father was slowly losing his hearing and the TV had to very loud. We were supposed to hunker down and study in these conditions. Eventually Brian graduated and I was alone at the table. When there were nights with little or no homework I would simply go to the encyclopedia and copy whatever was on a page or interesting subject word by word.

It helped make 2 hours go by a bit faster. The were the occasions where my parents would go out, or to the store or god forbid parent teacher night at school. I would freak out on those nights hoping that the teacher would like me enough and perhaps have some insight that if they said the wrong thing I would more than likely come to school scarred in some way or another.

I usually went to school unscathed, perhaps a ringing in my ears from being yelled at. Report card time was nightmarish. Never forged the document but man that piece of paper caused a lot of stress and strife in that house in Lodi. Really ugly scenes. There was always the reminder that my father was spending x amount of dollars on my catholic school education. Not like I asked to go.

Mondays are a drag. Let’s face it. Even if you’re off from work or out of work, they suck. If that’s the case, and there’s no work, chances are the people that you would like to be with to hang out with are working or at school. That’s the lazy me. I could find something to do alone, go read, ride the bike, see a movie or go to a museum if I didn’t have to work. But it is work I must do.

I get out of bed, leaving Bill’s embrace and shower, make coffee, turn on TV and PC and before you know it, I am out the door. More overcast skies and people streaming towards the train. Plantain man wasn’t in so there was no pup tent peeking occurring. I looked good in an English public school way, wearing a striped blazer. I should’ve work a collared shirt instead of the banded collarless one. I should’ve also lost some poundage along the waistline. Pants and trousers still fit, but some fetal action it seems.

I could qualify for bear status, which Song seems to see me as, and Juan denies me. I don’t know why. I could easily identify with the bears in the gay community. But then again Juan is me and I am he, so goo goo g’joob. I am the walrus. There must be a middle one of us which we haven’t met yet. That will probably kill us all. You know the laws of the omni verse, no two things that are eerily similar could actually exist in the same time space continuum. That’s a bit of science fiction. Probably all the science fiction I will ever write.

No, Juan sees the fact that I am not a joiner so to speak. I’d really like to be part of the greater whole, but I stand more on the sidelines. I think most of my friends are like that. I used to wish I could be like everyone else, but I really can’t be that way. Nah, I’m happy being me, marching to the beat of myself.

I just watched one of the last episodes of Six Feet Under. I really loved that show. I loved how they portrayed a gay relationship between two men, an interracial couple. A lot of what I saw on the screen mirrored my relationship with Bill. It was so moving the last episodes, the finale was the clincher and strengthened me in my feelings for Bill. Especially last August when the hard rain was a gonna fall.

Tonight’s episode was Nate’s funeral. There was a scene with Claire, played by Lauren Ambrose who calls up a coworker and asks him to just drive. Anywhere. Just to get out of the house. I could certainly relate to that. I remember driving at various points with Annemarie, Brian and Frank. Talking about the loss of our Mother, talking about music, talking and driving.

Watching the show in its slide to the finale, nearly a year later I see how somethings have changed, and how somethings haven’t. But being able to see what is going on affects how things could be going. Bill still hasn’t said anything about what Philip suggested which was merely talking about sex. Not a good situation, and he pours on the love, which I don’t feel is in bad shape.

It’s a strange situation.

An even stranger situation is the fucking idiot of the United States is pushing for the Federal Marriage Amendment, writing discrimination into the Constitution. Of course it won’t pass but the totally fucked up thing is the fact that the fucking republican party will trot this issue out to scare the conservatives into voting against their better interests by fostering a hatred and distrust of gays and lesbians. Hello folks, I’m the fucking Boogieman.

I certainly hope my brother Brian realizes this. He’s the only person close to me that votes republican. I hope he wises up.

Cut and paste damn it
http://www.hrc.org/voteno/voteno/video.htm