Mondays are a drag. Let’s face it. Even if you’re off from work or out of work, they suck. If that’s the case, and there’s no work, chances are the people that you would like to be with to hang out with are working or at school. That’s the lazy me. I could find something to do alone, go read, ride the bike, see a movie or go to a museum if I didn’t have to work. But it is work I must do.

I get out of bed, leaving Bill’s embrace and shower, make coffee, turn on TV and PC and before you know it, I am out the door. More overcast skies and people streaming towards the train. Plantain man wasn’t in so there was no pup tent peeking occurring. I looked good in an English public school way, wearing a striped blazer. I should’ve work a collared shirt instead of the banded collarless one. I should’ve also lost some poundage along the waistline. Pants and trousers still fit, but some fetal action it seems.

I could qualify for bear status, which Song seems to see me as, and Juan denies me. I don’t know why. I could easily identify with the bears in the gay community. But then again Juan is me and I am he, so goo goo g’joob. I am the walrus. There must be a middle one of us which we haven’t met yet. That will probably kill us all. You know the laws of the omni verse, no two things that are eerily similar could actually exist in the same time space continuum. That’s a bit of science fiction. Probably all the science fiction I will ever write.

No, Juan sees the fact that I am not a joiner so to speak. I’d really like to be part of the greater whole, but I stand more on the sidelines. I think most of my friends are like that. I used to wish I could be like everyone else, but I really can’t be that way. Nah, I’m happy being me, marching to the beat of myself.

I just watched one of the last episodes of Six Feet Under. I really loved that show. I loved how they portrayed a gay relationship between two men, an interracial couple. A lot of what I saw on the screen mirrored my relationship with Bill. It was so moving the last episodes, the finale was the clincher and strengthened me in my feelings for Bill. Especially last August when the hard rain was a gonna fall.

Tonight’s episode was Nate’s funeral. There was a scene with Claire, played by Lauren Ambrose who calls up a coworker and asks him to just drive. Anywhere. Just to get out of the house. I could certainly relate to that. I remember driving at various points with Annemarie, Brian and Frank. Talking about the loss of our Mother, talking about music, talking and driving.

Watching the show in its slide to the finale, nearly a year later I see how somethings have changed, and how somethings haven’t. But being able to see what is going on affects how things could be going. Bill still hasn’t said anything about what Philip suggested which was merely talking about sex. Not a good situation, and he pours on the love, which I don’t feel is in bad shape.

It’s a strange situation.

An even stranger situation is the fucking idiot of the United States is pushing for the Federal Marriage Amendment, writing discrimination into the Constitution. Of course it won’t pass but the totally fucked up thing is the fact that the fucking republican party will trot this issue out to scare the conservatives into voting against their better interests by fostering a hatred and distrust of gays and lesbians. Hello folks, I’m the fucking Boogieman.

I certainly hope my brother Brian realizes this. He’s the only person close to me that votes republican. I hope he wises up.

Cut and paste damn it
http://www.hrc.org/voteno/voteno/video.htm

A really hot day. Summer heat. Very hot. I even played Summer in the City by the Lovin’ Spoonful. It was that hot. And then tonight there were some really violent storms. I don’t know karate, but I know crazy. Work has been easy lately. I’m fitting in, still have some Macanudo issues, in fact had to call up Bill to ask him about a shortcut or two. He’s been in the Bronx, attending a wake. I’ve been hanging out at home.

Had the computer turned off due to the heavy electrical storms. I do have to go in early tomorrow and that means in by 7:30. But I admit I got sucked into ER. I watched two ours of the brilliant show, ‘The Office’ and then ER came on. I tried not to watch. But no, something happened blood, hysterics and sex. Usually gets my interest though not all at the same time thankfully.

Mr. and Mrs. Lopez are off doing whatever it is married people do. I wouldn’t know since I can’t get married, yet. Juan is crashing a prom. Hopefully he left the bucket of blood behind.

Felicia has been awfully nice lately, giving me a wide berth to do my job and do my job I do. Also been listening to a lot of music at the desk. Today was heavily into the Atlantic Records collection and then Bjork. Worked for me. I even took some time away from the desk, which is something I hardly ever do lately and actually went outside and ate in a park, though even in the shade it was oppressively hot.

After work I had some errands to run in midtown and run I did with one eye in the sky looking at the oncoming thunderclouds. Made it to the Path thinking it was going to be pouring when I got off in Hoboken. On the train I struck up a conversation with someone who was reading an article about Michael Brecker the Jazz Horn guy. Apparently Michael Brecker is quite ill. Or was. I asked him what magazine he was reading because as I read over his shoulder, my ex –boss’s name.

The Legendary Record Producer. A really nice guy and quite the gentleman. That’s all I’ll say about him, because I am humble. He is too. After producing all these great talents, a mere mention in johnozed.com would could simply make his head swell. So for his sake, and his family’s he shall remain anonymous.

Tomorrow is the return to Philip Beansprout. Bill couldn’t make it last week so he has a lot of catching up to do. It should be interesting. My big plan for the weekend is to get a haircut. I was supposed to help Pedro move to his new place upstate somewhere but him and his woman, Connie did it themselves. Would’ve been good to see him again. I’ve known him almost twenty years.

I don’t know karate, but I know crazy. Word.