Author Archives: johnozed

About johnozed

I'm 50+ years old, 210-ish#, 6'2", reddish blonde, blue eyes with glasses (and without) masculine, funny, relatively intelligent, enjoy the company of assorted friends and family especially sordid friends and family. I love music, reading, writing, conversing, laughing, going to films, shows, concerts and smoking cigars. And I also enjoy looking nice in a suit and tie. Looking more like Lewis Lapham than Tom Wolfe. I'm sure there is more, but we'll just have to find out when I write about it. In a lifetime relationship with partner Bill Vila.

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Baby you can never look me in the eye, yeah you buckle with the weight of the words. Stop draggin’ my, stop draggin’ my, stop draggin’ my heart around. Just a song that popped into my head from years ago.

Flew in the face of my so called punk orthodoxy it did. It was a shaky orthodoxy to begin with. I was pretty much a pop music kid growing up, living so close to the WABC radio tower in Lodi that my neighbors, the Williams family had the radio transmission coming through on their phone line.

Which in my mind proved to me what a cool family the Williams family were. I didn’t know until years later that they were just as fucked up as any other family on Riverview Avenue. I thought Marge Williams was a beautiful modern woman unfortunately married to a boor and a bully.

I always think of Vanessa Redgrave as Guinevere in Camelot when I think of Mrs. Williams. The first and perhaps only time I saw Camelot was at 7 Riverview, watching it with Scott and Mrs. Williams as Mrs. Williams sang along with Vanessa Redgrave.

I saw part of Camelot on Turner Classic Movies the other night, and unfortunately it wasn’t the part that I remembered watching all those years ago. Sometimes when I think of the crappy job that I have right now, I think of Mrs. Williams and how she had to hold down 2 jobs when she and the bully separated and eventually divorced.

On Sunday mornings after mass, that is while my family still went to mass, we would sometimes go to the Saddle Brook bakery where Mrs. Williams worked behind the counter, almost always putting a few extra crullers or rolls in the bag with a wink.

Mrs. Williams also dabbled in art, with a bust of her eldest daughter Suzanne that was on the shelf in their finished basement. Our basement was never finished and only cleaned once every decade. I thought about the box of boots that used to be on the right at the bottom of the basement stairs. We were sloppy but we were relatively happy mostly.

I know that Mrs. Williams was greatly upset when my mother died suddenly on Mother’s Day in 1991 and I was very upset to learn of Mrs. Williams passing years later. I recall one night when my parents were out somewhere, probably at their watering hole, with Annemarie, Brian and myself at home.

Annemarie wound up stepping on a pencil and Brian and I were terrified that Annemarie would die of lead poisoning. We didn’t know what to do or who to call, but we did know not to call the watering hole. So we called 845-8435 and Mrs. Williams came rushing over, reassuring crying Brian and myself that Annemarie was not about to die of lead poisoning.

After all I didn’t die of lead poisoning when Brian threw a pencil which hit me dead center in my forehead, leaving a bluish grey dot that could be seen for a number of years.

It was another time though, most everyone has moved from that neighborhood. Some kids I grew up with passed away, most of the grown-ups passed away. The neighborhood hasn’t changed much at all since I had last been there but the residents have moved on, the kids moved out.

It’s now a two way street, and a closed off street at that. No more easy access to Route 80 or Essex Street. The Bellos, Connelly’s, Serpone’s, Merlino’s, Benkovitch’s, Marge Vander Bruck, among others, all gone. That’s the way things are I guess, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

A sawed off piece of a tree which seemed to grow around a telephone/electric wire



I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

Another long day. Another half a tablet of Xanax. It wasn’t snowing or raining today at least. It was a balmy 40 degree something or other. Once again I dragged myself out of bed and got myself together, taking my sweet time which still got me to work on time, if not a little earlier.

It was Calvin and Marcus. Marcus was well enough to come in and Calvin recovered from the Prince concert he attended with the missus. My dear friend Lovely Rita was there and I would love to hear what she had to say about it. Her opinion is important to me. Most everyone else, I really don’t care.

It was a long day for me. Just me and Calvin and though he had his usual 2 hour lunch leaving me alone mostly it was difficult to get through the day. I didn’t have a chance to go outside today until about 4:30 which is when I went to Universal News which has internet access, $2.00 for 10 minutes.

Those 10 minutes allow me to check and delete email, and see if any jobs that I applied to lately have gotten back to me. Mostly they hadn’t. I sent an email to the guy I spoke to yesterday, stating that I didn’t want to be a bother but I was trying to set up my schedule for tomorrow which is a day off for me. No response so a few hours later I called and left a voicemail saying the same thing basically.

No response then either. I started falling into despondency, thinking that I had so much hope for this slim chance of a new job and it felt like the slim chance was getting slimmer and slimmer. I mentioned it to Bill and he felt that contacting this guy two times seemed desperate. But I was desperate. I am desperate. I really want to be out of the cigar shop as soon as possible.

Calvin had punished me somewhat this afternoon. Last Friday he mentioned to me, to tell everyone that we need to do a comprehensive inventory and order some cigars that we need. And I did mention it to my co-workers and nothing was done.

Today, Calvin came up to me and told me Marcus had chewed him out about this and so it was up to me to do this comprehensive inventory. One catch though and I had to tell Calvin, I don’t know how to do a comprehensive inventory.

He gave me a quick rundown on what to do and I was in the humidor for over an hour, not doing sales, just counting boxes, which accounted for Calvin doing about $2,250 in sales and me having sales of about $300.00. Of course I will be talked to about how my sales are quite low.

It certainly not the same cigar shop when I started in June 2010. Ron is gone as is Dave. That’s Don and Raymond for those playing at home.

Now I am home, Bill just loaded my computer with all the latest Microsoft products that he got via work for about $20.00. I’m happy with it and thanked Bill for his work. That’s it for now, I’m tired.



this picture was taken with the camera resting on top of my head.