Author Archives: johnozed

About johnozed

I'm 50+ years old, 210-ish#, 6'2", reddish blonde, blue eyes with glasses (and without) masculine, funny, relatively intelligent, enjoy the company of assorted friends and family especially sordid friends and family. I love music, reading, writing, conversing, laughing, going to films, shows, concerts and smoking cigars. And I also enjoy looking nice in a suit and tie. Looking more like Lewis Lapham than Tom Wolfe. I'm sure there is more, but we'll just have to find out when I write about it. In a lifetime relationship with partner Bill Vila.

I Go To Sleep The Kinks

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Well yesterday’s good feeling, thanks to prayer or chanting or whatever seemed to fall by the wayside. Last night while going to bed, I was visited by a few Charlie horses. In rapid succession they cramped my leg. I never thought that going to sleep would be so strenuous as to require stretching before going to bed but there it was.

Bill was fast asleep, the sleep apnea mask doing its job. After a while I was able to massage my left thigh and get the Charlie horses out. Last week it was a leg cramp, more than likely from low levels of potassium, so I’ve been eating a banana a day. But despite that I had a visit from the horse named Charlie. I was able to fall asleep, not as soundly as the night before but still I did get some shut eye.

I was awoken by the sound of a major rainstorm in the morning, luckily I was off today so I was able to sleep a little bit later than usual. But the body clock had designs of its own and despite my struggles I still got out of bed. Bill was going to work later than usual today, meaning he was still around at 8:30. I decided to defy the body clock and get back into bed, not wanting to deal with the pouring rain outside.

Bill had left and suddenly reappeared, climbing the four flights of steps since he left his phone home. He got the phone, gave me another kiss and headed out as I did an about face and went back to bed. It was of no use since I was awake already and not going to be able to go back to sleep.

I did have an appointment in the city, a meeting with an agency. We had arranged it all yesterday and I headed into the city on the Path train around 9:45. I was at the agency at 10:15 and like they said, the meeting would last around 15 minutes. At 10:35 I was back on the street. It had stopped raining and I decided to walk to the bus terminal since I needed to get to the supermarket and the bus would drop me off closer to the market than the Path train would.

As I rode back the bus driver, (my second favorite bus driver after Bill) told me that he wouldn’t be my driver anymore. He would be on a different schedule, until April when he might be able to get the shift back again. That was a mild bummer and I walked to the supermarket and got my usual items. Of course as I left the supermarket, the skies opened up and I hustled to get home before getting a good soaking.

Once home I got out of my suit and into some jeans and a t-shirt. After finally having something to eat I got my very late holiday package to the post office and sent it to my sister and her family in California. Walking back I ran into Stine and Alexander and that was quite nice. Alexander was playing the shy bit, smiling but refusing to say anything to me, or shake my hand or give me a high five.

It was alright, he was tired after being in school and just wanted to be home with his mom. Stine did invite me over sometime soon for dinner, so I guess that might happen on my next day off next week.

It’s been a decent day, nothing to write about, though I did just that.








02 Holotelani

I Say A Little Prayer

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Another day in the cigar shack. Last night I came home, surprised to see Bill still awake. He was complaining about being tired and needing sleep, but there he was, doing things. Still getting his stuff in order, he bought a lot of boxes at the container store so a lot of his gear is mostly compartmentalized.

And as of last night all the double A and triple A batteries are in a certain drawer. Now it is up to him to put those drawers somewhere where they would be actually useful and accessible. I got out of my suit & tie and settled into my relaxation trackie bottoms and t-shirt and slippers. Bill stayed up later than expected and so did I.

He was fast asleep by the time I went to bed and I was wary about another sleepless night. As I got into bed, I decided to say my bedtime prayers for old time’s sake. “God bless me, make me a good boy, for soul and body amen, sweet Jesus amen. Angel of god, my guardian dear, to whom god’s love entrusts me here, ever this day be at my side to light in god, to rule in god amen. God bless mommy and daddy, Francis, Annemarie, Brian & John, grandparents in heaven, Nana and Grandpa, Sister Mary Octavian and everybody- amen.”

I just looked it up and the guardian angel prayer is supposed to go like this: “Angel of God, my Guardian dear, to whom His love commits me here, ever this day (or night) be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen.” SO I’ve been saying it differently all these years, having learned it phonetically from my mother. Doesn’t matter though, I do prefer my version but I do appreciate the clarification.

Sister Mary Octavian was the nun who tormented me when I was in kindergarten, chasing me around the class and making me stand behind the television set until Mrs. Burson came into the room. I think she was going after my brother Brian who was his 4th Grade teacher across the hall from the kindergarten and when he proved too slippery to grasp, I was the next best thing.

I remember when she died, my family went to the Immaculate Conception church where there she lay in state, in a pinewood box wearing a crown of thorns. I later found out she made the pinewood coffin herself. Not too macabre.

After my bedtime prayers, for a lark I threw in the act of contrition. I always liked the act of contrition. It’s the prayer you say when you are about to die and everything is basically absolved. I always picture myself falling from a great height and as I plummet I say the act of contrition, instead of ‘Oh fuck. Oh shit’ and it’s instant admittance to the afterlife.

I have to admit, saying the prayers, even for a lark brought me some peace of mind and I slept quite soundly. I also woke up in a very good mood, feeling somewhat positive so I thought I would continue with the act of contrition being repeated in my mind at various points throughout the day. And I felt good doing so.

I also listened to some Patti Smith who sometimes sings of such catholic things as I walked up the avenue to the cigar shack. I even told Bill of my stopping in at a bed & breakfast on the road to Damascus. He was surprised for sure. I would say it certainly has been an interesting turn of events. A positive and peaceful day, the kind that I hadn’t felt in a long time.





01 – Oh happy day