Author Archives: johnozed

About johnozed

I'm 50+ years old, 210-ish#, 6'2", reddish blonde, blue eyes with glasses (and without) masculine, funny, relatively intelligent, enjoy the company of assorted friends and family especially sordid friends and family. I love music, reading, writing, conversing, laughing, going to films, shows, concerts and smoking cigars. And I also enjoy looking nice in a suit and tie. Looking more like Lewis Lapham than Tom Wolfe. I'm sure there is more, but we'll just have to find out when I write about it. In a lifetime relationship with partner Bill Vila.

I Honor U

OK. Last night I was really bitter when I wrote what I wrote. No regrets. In fact I even went so far as to title the entry as ‘Bitter’. And I went to bed bitter. I woke up depressed. Filled with despair. After a shower and some coffee I went to drop off some shirts at the dry cleaners and then a trip to the supermarket where my favorite cashier, Isis was grouchy and unavailable.

There is a new manager in the supermarket and she might have forced Isis to close her lane early, leading to Isis being very much a sourpuss. I came home, had some breakfast and did some laundry. Still the day was edged with the blues, very dark blues.

During one of the laundry cycles my phone rang and saw it was the cigar shack, the source of my depression. I did not take the call and it went to voice mail. Then I made the mistake of checking the voice mail.

Once again, a day off that was scheduled is going to be rescinded since ‘someone’ has to work while Bradley & Thomas host an event at a nearby overpriced steakhouse, paired with cigars at the shack. It was upsetting. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t call back. I will deal with it tomorrow when I return to the cigar shack. I’ll be working with Zack and Bradley who will have come back after having 5 days off. I will wait for whomever to bring it up.

The dismal sunny day continued and I finally gave in and had a Xanax. It’s been months since I last took one it did the job. Taking the edge off of everything and leaving everything dull and sleepy. I walked around Hoboken, looking for a new watch band.

The old one that I got with my Timex a while ago was leather and finally falling apart through wear and tear. It was being held together by rubber bands I was starting to find that unsightly. I remembered a store on First Street in Hoboken and walked over there only to find they moved a block and a half away.

They rented space in a building that used to be warehouse, now it’s mainly where some friends and artists and craftspeople have their studios and workspaces. I asked if they had watch bands and had to explain what I meant. They showed me what they had which was quite meager at best.

Since I was down by the Path train I opted to head into the city, just a quick jaunt. I notice that a lot of shoe repair places also have watch bands and will even put them on the watch which seemed unlikely from the store in Hoboken. I found one near where my friend Jesse works and got my old watch band replaced after saying a hearty hello to Jesse.

Then I just hopped on the bus back to Hoboken, spending more time traveling in and out of the city than actually being in the city.

Came home and took a nap which seemed to have put me right, leaving me to think I should have just taken a nap after waking up this morning.


07 Uneasy Sunny Day Hotsy Totsy

I Honestly Love You

Bitter!

Now I am home. It’s a Thursday evening and it has been a long day. Up at 7:30, at the bus stop at 8:30 and in the cigar shack at 9:30. I got through alright, after a few decisions on how to get through the day. Some Facebook friends were dropped.

Didn’t need to deal with their shit anymore since I usually have to deal with their shit face to face. Now it’s only face to face, no phoniness. Its more ‘professional’ wouldn’t you say? The day was slow enough and also had an empty promise that was repeated from yesterday.

I didn’t believe it then and I didn’t believe it today. I have also decided not to give any sales away, even after I hit my personal goal. I used to do it but since no one else does it, so why should I? From now on it will be all mine. I couldn’t really expect others to do what I do.

That would be impossible I guess and unfair to them. It’s a burden, such a burden, oh what a burden to be so relied upon. You can thank Brian Eno for that line, or rather, I can thank Brian Eno.

I was aloof most of the day, while friendly and sociable. I guess I am that way right now. Bill is sitting behind me watching Lawn hors d’œuvre on his iPad and I sit here in front of the computer with my back to him. He offered to turn on the TV but he’s in the middle of his show and whatever I wanted to watch is being recorded so I can watch it anytime.

So the only sound is Sam Waterson & Carey Lowell talking about a case. A deal is struck, the ominous closing music is playing as Waterson & Lowell close the show. Bill probably has another episode on schedule I’m sure. He just turned on 30 Rock and I just turned down the volume instead of listening to the last 6 minutes.

Yeah I’m ambivalent tonight. Tomorrow is a day off and you know what? I really don’t care. Pathetic isn’t it? And it has been quite a struggle to write this much so far. Nothing to write about really. Not that there ever is.

I’ve slowly started looking for a new job again. Nothing major, just an email to useless staffing agencies. One out of three responded to my email. I try to send an email every couple of weeks but I am sure I have been binned.

No response makes me feel like I am a hopeless case. The longer I am out of the office environment means it will be more difficult to get back into that situation. In June I will have been at the cigar shack for 2 years. Nothing to be proud of I’m afraid.

Yes it’s a job and yes I am grateful to have a job but it is stressful. Sell sell sell all the time. No sitting down, which more than likely accounts for the weight I have lost. I haven’t needed to unfasten my trousers when I take them off in about a year. I remove my braces and can easily slide right out of them. What an accomplishment!

That’s it. I hit over 500 words for today. No mas.




08 No Clocks