All The Things She Said. A Simple Minds song featuring Robin Clark on backing vocals. I wasn’t too fond of it when it first came out but I have to say Robin’s voice drew me in, 40 years later.
Fructose on the mainstream. Just a sentence that popped into my head earlier today. It means nothing, or does it?
Right now I am participating in a LGBTQ+ zoom call from the agency that placed me. They are an earnest bunch, clearly dedicated to the agency and clearly so young. I am the old guy I guess. They’re comfortable being queer, where when I hear the word the hair on the back of my neck rose a bit. I am trying to embrace the word but the negative connotations are still in the back of my mind. Fight or flight.
They’re in a different world than the fruit stand. And speaking of which, Marcus dropped the news that he will be leaving the fruit stand. I am not sure if he knows what he’s getting into. I know the world where he is going to but he will have to find out for himself.
I will miss his passive aggressive abrasiveness. Or maybe I won’t. He is a difficult read.
The meeting ended and I applauded and threw hearts up when I felt the kids deserved it. They were earnest for sure. Now I am killing time. Not much going on. I have a few errands to do before I get home. Food, a cigar and a stop at a dispensary.
Mike is in better, not bitter spirits. I am looking forward to enjoying a cigar when I get home. Bill is still in New England. I had to get over my non vacation, not much I can do about it. I know I can take a trip somewhere by train or subway. I used to do that back in the day but those days are over 20 years ago.
I also flew through a very easy crossword during the LGBTQ+ meeting. I was on camera, the crossword was off camera and as far as I know, no one was the wiser.
Mike and I watched The Devil Wears Prada 2. It was entertaining, a mild summer comedy. It certainly picked up while Emily Blunt was on screen. Stanley Tucci was understated, and Meryl Streep nibbled on the scenery. Anne Hathaway was enjoyable. Mike did get a kick out of it since he does quote the original movie from time to time.
And speaking of time, there is a little over 30 minutes to get through. I can do it, I’ve done it before. I usually get a seat on the Path going home since I like to read but I think tonight I will stand.
Yancy called. I hadn’t heard from him in a few days. That was why he apolgized, his absence. Things puttered along nicely in hhis stead. He talked about Marcus’ moving on and that instead of having me go to the big fruit stand every two weeks, I will be staying at my more desirable fruit stand. Things are going to start getting hectic and I would be better off where I am. And he’ll be taking some time off to tend to matters familial, but that’s rather here nor there. I did wish him safe travels.
Now home, Bill is in Margaritaville and Mike, having eaten dinner, is fast asleep on the couch again, while Ted Lasso streams on the telly.
Google Gemini rewrite as Monty Python sketch
**SCENE START**
**INT. MINISTRY OF ODD THOUGHTS AND RETIREMENT-AGE QUEERNESS – EVENING**
*(The scene opens in a dimly lit, slightly dusty office. **PRESENTER**—played by John Cleese in a sharp suit and thick-rimmed glasses—stands in front of a giant map of Great Britain that has randomly glued pieces of fruit attached to it.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Good evening. Tonight on *Thinking About Things While Waiting for the Train*, we begin with pop music of the mid-1980s!
*(He smacks the map with a pointer.)*
**PRESENTER:**
“All The Things She Said”! A song by Simple Minds, featuring the vocal stylings of one Robin Clark! Now, forty years ago, I thought it was utter drivel. Rubbish! Absolute poppycock! But *forty years later*, Robin’s voice has somehow ensnared my soul!
*(He leans in close to the camera, whispering intensely.)*
**PRESENTER:**
And then… this sentence popped into my head earlier today: *”Fructose on the mainstream.”*
*(A fanfare sounds. A MAN IN A VIKING HELMET pops out from behind a curtain.)*
**VIKING:**
Does it mean anything?!
**PRESENTER:**
*(Screaming)*
NOBODY KNOWS! NOW GO AWAY!
*(The Viking vanishes. Presenter turns to a computer monitor showing a video conference call full of very bright, extremely enthusiastic TWENTYSOMETHINGS wearing rainbow badges.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Right now, I am participating in an earnest LGBTQ+ Zoom call organized by my staffing agency. Look at them. So young. So absurdly dedicated. I am, naturally, The Old Man of the Sea. They drop the word “queer” with absolute, breezy comfort! Meanwhile, the hair on the back of my neck stands straight up like a frightened porcupine! Fight or flight! The negative connotations of 1974 are still clanging about in my skull like old tin cans!
*(He looks at the camera, suddenly solemn.)*
**PRESENTER:**
They live in a completely different world than… *The Fruit Stand.*
*(Dramatic ORGAN CHORD. Cut to an ARTHUR GUMBY character standing in front of a pile of oranges, wearing a knitted vest and wellies.)*
**GUMBY:**
Marcus is leaving the fruit stand! My brain hurts! He doesn’t know what he’s getting into! I know the world he’s going to, but he must find out for himself! I shall miss his passive-aggressive abrasiveness! Or perhaps I won’t! HE IS VERY DIFFICULT TO READ!
*(Cut back to the Presenter, who is surreptitiously hiding a giant newspaper under his desk while nodding at the Zoom screen.)*
**PRESENTER:**
The Zoom meeting concluded. I applauded enthusiastically and threw up digital hearts like a benevolent grandfather. Meanwhile, off-camera, I tore through a crossword puzzle at absolute supersonic speed. *Nobody suspected a thing!*
*(He steps out from behind the desk. He is wearing a trench coat now.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Now I am killing time. Errand time! I require three things for survival: Food, a cigar, and a quick stop at the local legal cannabis dispensary!
*(Enter a PEPPERPOT—an elderly woman in a floral dress—holding a copy of a movie magazine.)*
**PEPPERPOT:**
Ooh, what about Mike? How’s Mike?
**PRESENTER:**
Mike is in better spirits, Mrs. Slocombe! Not bitter at all! We watched *The Devil Wears Prada 2*! A mild summer comedy! It picked right up when Emily Blunt appeared! Stanley Tucci was understated, Meryl Streep nibbled gracefully on the scenery, and Anne Hathaway was a delight! Mike quotes the original endlessly, you know.
**PEPPERPOT:**
And what about your vacation to Ocean Grove, eh?
**PRESENTER:**
*(Sighs dramatically, looking out an imaginary window)*
Washed away! Bill is still up in New England. I had to get over my non-vacation. I *could* take a subway or a train somewhere, like I used to twenty years ago, but alas—those days are buried in the sands of time! Tonight, I shall take the PATH train home. I usually sit down to read, but tonight… *I SHALL STAND!*
*(A chorus of brass instruments plays a heroic fanfare that abruptly cuts off as a telephone RINGS loudly. Presenter picks up a giant red vintage telephone.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Hello? Ah, Yancy!
*(Voice on phone: Fast-talking, garbled nonsense noises like a trumpet)*
**PRESENTER:**
Ah, yes! Thank you for apologizing for your absence! Splendid! So, because Marcus is moving on, I don’t have to travel to the Big Fruit Stand every two weeks? I get to stay at my *Desirable Fruit Stand*? Marvellous! Safe travels on your family leave, Yancy!
*(He slams the receiver down and turns to address the room, walking into a cozy living room set.)*
**PRESENTER:**
And so, we arrive at the grand finale!
*(He points to the left.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Bill is off somewhere in Margaritaville!
*(He points to the right, where a MAN is sprawled face-down on a sofa, snoring loudly while an episode of Ted Lasso plays on a television set.)*
**PRESENTER:**
Mike has consumed his dinner and is fast asleep on the sofa once again! And I… am home.
*(A GIANT 16-TON WEIGHT labeled “FRUCTOSE ON THE MAINSTREAM” drops out of the sky and squashes the sofa.)*
**GUMBY VOICE FROM UNDER WEIGHT:**
…My brain hurts!
**[SCENE END]**