Awakening certificate reawakening can be even more difficult. Wanted to go to work a little bit later since I didn’t have to be there until 9:00, so I thought I’d sleep until 7:00

Unfortunately, Bill woke me up at 6:30. I thought he knew, but maybe he forgot, but then again, I’m a fucking idiot.

And who could forget good old Frankie, who kept pleading with me to call him last night when he heard of my despair, and when I did call him, he was not there. You’ve got to love friends who just say I’ll be there for you and when you need them, they are not there. Very much like Daniel Chieffo.

So this new chapter concerns the diminishment of my sex drive. It has been a blessing and a curse. I remember when Bill and I were seeing a therapist, I mentioned that I wished I were asexual, which caused the therapist to have some raised eyebrows, and I was explaining to him that it’s just so much difficulty, and now here I am 20 years later saying the same lines

63 years old, I lived through the epidemic, dodged many bullets, not about to go back on the firing range, and seeing if I can dodge more, it’s just not worth it. Bill and Mike, you can bless their cocks cuz I was going to say hearts, but it’s more about their cocks than their hearts

Bill bounces around from the NYSC gymnasiums throughout Manhattan. He’s got a connection here, he’s got a connection there, and I’ve often thought that’s what was going on, but figured no, that’s not his style, but seeing him on Monday night after our discussion, that is his style

I was feeling flattered right now thinking that please type to go running around, that’s my lottery for myself, prevented me from saying it as a sexual feast of a sexual person actually

I was talking to Jimmy Chile and remarked how my sexual upgrading was usually on the run and in public bathrooms at the mall and department stores, as well as men’s cars. It was all about getting off as quick as possible and getting out of there. So I had no one to teach me but my feet and my wits, and somehow they got me through it.

That would explain my lackluster experience with Bill. In a better world, perhaps there would be a dialogue where one would say to the other you know, maybe if you did this, maybe if we did that but that never happened, and I was left hung out to dry. And here I am 25 years later, licking my wounds because there’s nothing else to lick.

I do have to say that Google’s dictation machine really sucks dick as good as I suck dick, and I am no good at sucking dick.

I suppose I should talk with Bill with regard to what’s going on in my head, and it’s probably not going to go well since things like this never go well with him.

Perhaps it’s better if I don’t say anything and let things continue on the way they are, and wait for him to bring it up. Passive-aggressive narcissism, let’s see how that plays out.

I just wandered around the office, and not much is going on. I was hoping to talk with Marcus and Jimmy, but Jimmy was not there, and Marcus was, as usual, a tight-lipped persona
So now here I am, minutes later, back at my desk