Monthly Archives: February 2013

I Still Believe In You

It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s been a good one so far. Woke up to find a heart shaped box full of Godiva chocolates on my computer. An hour or so later I found a video of Bill on my tablet, stating his love for me. Nice to have a record of that. I responded with a video of my own which hopefully won’t wind up on Tumblr. And I’ve been busy sharing videos and posts on Facebook stating my undying love for Bill. I’ve enjoyed it and so did a few of our friends so it was nice it worked out.

Last night Bill and I had a talk which was overdue. Things were said and we cleared the air. Then he went to bed. Bill hoped that the Lawn Hors d’œuvre SUV (aka the Olivia Show) episode that he was a part of a few weeks ago was going to be broadcast last night but halfway through he realized it wasn’t so he went to bed. I watched the whole thing, then watched The Last Word and the news before going to bed myself where I slept quite soundly. I woke up with Bill kissing me goodbye once again.

There was a plan to go to lunch today but I mentioned that we should use the gift certificate that we got in 2010 from Jim and Meghan and Lily and Ruby for our civil union for dinner tonight. I called the restaurant and the certificate was still good. We’re going to Helmer’s right across the street from Maxwell’s. I’ve been in the Hoboken area since 1984 and I have never even set foot in the restaurant though I have certainly walked by it in various states of mind and body several times. It should be interesting to say the least.

I spent some time messaging with my brother Brian last night. It started with his posting the Isley Brothers singing Work to Do. I remarked that the first time I heard the song was when he was driving back from the Parkway Lanes with my mother on a Monday night and the version I heard was by the Average White Band. I did not hear the Isley Brother’s original until a few years later. Somehow the messaging turned into growing up in Lodi under the watchful eye of Sauron, also known as Dad.

How Brian and I weren’t the best students but having us both sit at the dining room table for two hours under the premise of ‘doing homework’. Even if the homework was easy and done in 15 minutes, there would still be one hour and forty five minutes to fill. And mere feet away, Dad with his fading hearing would have the TV blaring. Nothing was achieved except for Dad’s hearing getting worse. Our grades certainly did not improve and for me all it did was foster my dislike of education in general. I would eventually copy by hand pages of an encyclopedia to pass the time.

Brian learned how not to raise his kids though so that was good.
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ABC- Valentine’s Day

I Still Believe- Frank Turner

I just got back from outside. It’s been a busy day and after yesterday it has certainly been a good day. Yesterday was just soul crushing and unrelenting. Today was merely unrelenting. I went to bed around midnight last night and slept fairly well. Insomnia has not been the problem it was last week. I woke up somewhat refreshed and started the day with a shower, followed by breakfast and coffee. No big deal I know. The clothes I washed were finally fully dry and I was happy to be able to fold them and put them away once again.

I did need to go to the supermarket and decided today would be the day I go to the really big supermarket that reopened last Saturday. That meant a walk out of my way rather than a trip around the block to the lesser, grouchier supermarket. I didn’t mind and as I walked over I talked to Bill on the phone. Apparently he couldn’t sleep last night and got up around 3:00 in the morning and stayed up long enough to just head out to work. No attempt to go back to sleep like some people do. He’s been going to bed early lately.

That means I see him for maybe an hour a day when he comes home from work and before he heads off to sleep. He stayed up and worked on his script and also chatted with his west coast friends. He remarked on my mood when he came home and that he decided not to ask what was going on since my initial answer would be ‘nothing’. Of course I had to remind him that even if I did reply to the question of ‘what’s going on’ with a ‘nothing’, 15 minutes later I would be spilling my guts.

That was something that used to occur when we started out together 12 years ago. He was somewhat jealous of my relationships with Julio and Pedro, how close I was to them. Now Julio is busy with his wife and child and Pedro is busy with his insane job and contact with either one of them is few and far between, and now it is Bill, 100% seven days a week. I guess he should have been careful with what he wished for. I am home all the time, not going out and if there is contact with anyone it’s usually online or via text.

He offered to talk about this tonight but I am feeling better and what’s done is done. I’m not about to revisit the depression I was going through yesterday, when Bill gets home. The supermarket is great, I missed it so. A box of cereal at the nearby supermarket is $4.99, 15 minutes away it is $3.50. Everything is cheaper and in abundance. I didn’t need that much but I am glad I went, if only to break the sidewalk paths I’ve been taking as of late.

I came home and did some more things before heading out once again. This time I was heading into the city. Port St. Willow is playing next Friday on the 22nd at Mercury Lounge and it could be the only show I will see this year, judging by the fact that I see fewer and fewer shows each year. And it’s a cheap ticket, $10.00 so that made it that much sweeter. And it’s an early show. So I hopped on the Path train and walked to Houston and Ludlow to the box office. I passed a couple of spots that I used to go see shows at or hang out at with friends like Julio and Pedro (though rarely together since they don’t seem to like each other very much).

I figured I would listen to My Bloody Valentine on the iPod as I walked, but the iPod started acting strangely. It would play 2 songs then stop. I would reboot it and then it would come back to life, then it would stop again. Infuriating and I cursed the iPod as I put it in my pocket. Still I kept trying before giving up after about 5 times. It was a pleasant enough day that I just walked from Ludlow and Houston up to the bus terminal. I was glad to be out and about.

I did see my first ashy forehead and duly made a wish.
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Long, Long, Long