Well I just woke up from a nap that I didn’t think I needed, but it turns out that I did. It seemed to shake the cobwebs off my increasingly bitter mind.

I woke up tired this morning and then after getting bagels and whatnot, I got the packages together to ship back to the fraudulent manufacturers. I was so plagued by doubt and self loathing, plus an unhealthy attitude to most of the world.

I had a great talk with Annemarie who did her best to bolster my spirits and I did my best to resist her attempts. She suggested the nap which made sense after I came home.

Last night I mainly sat in the dark until 11:00. Bill came home and tried to be comforting but I was too uncomfortable for that. Even Juan called, somewhat alarmed after reading last night’s entry. And here I was thinking that Juan didn’t read this anymore.

That was awfully nice. It’s funny- a week before, I had an excellent day with Juan. Last Friday, going to Ikea, where I hadn’t laughed like I did in a long time. Even last Saturday, going to Hiro Takeshita’s art opening with Bill was nice.

Somewhere between then and now it all turned to shit, or at least started to.

I do think Bill was disappointed last night when he asked what time we were going to Dan and Shawn’s party in Jersey City this afternoon. I used to work with Dan at Wanker Banker, 5 years ago. He left in 2004.

I told Bill I wasn’t much into going to it anymore, complaining that it would mainly be theater people. As I said that, I remembered that Bill is theater people.

I’d like to think I was more on the fence rather than dead set against going to the party, and I am pretty sure I was dragging my feet about it, going back a couple of weeks ago.

In any event, the invitations and the directions can’t be found at this moment in time. I can’t find it and neither can Bill and I forwarded him the invite a month or so ago.

Well I just searched my gmail trash and there was the invitation, for last Sunday. So all that worry for nothing.

Tonight Bill is taking me somewhere, one of his surprises that he told me about a few weeks ago. He loves to surprise me, loves the whole ‘I ain’t sayin’ shit’ about it. This drives me crazy.

I was thinking we were going to the Rhythm Revue tonight at Roseland that his Stuyvesant Town neighbor told him about. He was hopped up about it and I figured that was it.

I even guessed it, but I was incorrect. Then I figured we were going to Bob Mould’s Blowoff dance party in Brooklyn tonight and I was certainly dreading that. I asked him if we were going to Brooklyn and he said no.

He said we would be taking the Path train to Christopher Street and that was all he was going to say about it. He gave me the chance to ask 2 more questions, but since this was pre-nap I didn’t.

I did ask if we were doing something gay and he said ‘hell no’. So that was a relief.

All I know is that we have to be on our way by 8:30.

Hopefully the fraudulent scheme from these companies is taken care of, after getting Return Authorization numbers and shipping them back via certified mail. It’s amazing what a nap can do.

That’s it. An early posting, way earlier than usual. Thought it best to strike while the iron is hot.

Better, not bitter