It’s Monday and I’m fine with it. It gives me something to do, the carrot dangling at the end of the stick is a paycheck and it’s not so bad. I do like my job and have no complaints. Yesterday was rather quiet, but you read all about that, not doing anything except talking myself out of doing things. If only there were someone to do things with. That’s rather presumptuous, especially since I could have seen Jose while he was in New York, but me being tired, wet and cranky, not to mention a little dulled by the play I had just seen, I blew it off, opting to go home solo. Bill walked me to the gate but that was as far as he had gotten. He says he told me as we entered the terminal but I didn’t hear him and up to the point where I was getting onto the bus and he said ‘Ok baby, have a good night’ I thought he’d be next to me. So the farewell kiss was abrupt and my response to his ‘I love you’ was a little bit on the curt side. Let’s just say my heart wasn’t in it.

I did run into Alice Genesse when I got off the bus. She had never seen me in a suit and tie and complimented me on how good I looked. I offered condolences for her friend, Lady Jaye who had died from an undiagnosed heart condition. Lady Jaye was Genesis P. Orridge’s paramour in Psychic TV which is the band Alice has been playing with. Alice is a sweetheart which leads me to believe that as gender bending as Psychic TV is lately, they must be good people to have Alice in the band with them. Alice was sad and I gave her a hug. I had hung out quite a bit with Alice about 20 or so years ago, she was temping near me while I worked for an accounting firm and we’d have lunch in Times Square in buildings and restaurants that simply don’t exist anymore.

Saturday was rain, Sunday wasn’t. Just very windy. Like I wrote yesterday, there were too many people around so I walked around town for an hour and came home after that. Bill was understandably standoffish so communication with him was limited to that and also the fact he had two matinées as well as an evening performance. He thawed out a bit on Sunday, texting me about how he was excited to be reading the scripture reading at his church, and playing piano with a 90 voice choir. I would have liked to have seen it. Not for the religion, just for the show. But I found out to late which was Bill’s doing.

He told me that in the evening. He was so tired he called me from his parent’s apartment. Bill tried going to sleep at 8:00, he called me at 9:30, near tears. Totally stressed out. His dad is still in the nursing home, the insurance has run out and that means the cost is coming out of the savings which would stress anyone out. He was on a roller coaster ride if emotions, his high being the church service, the low being at his parents apartment in the dark. His mother, losing her mind, and very tired and his dad vegging out across town. Bill needed someone to talk to and that someone was me.

We talked about the inevitable, and the guilt that one feels sometimes when their parents are ill and fading away, and you wish that they would just go already. It’s a common enough feeling that is usually accompanied by a tremendous amount of guilt and thats what Bill is going through.

Now it’s not even 8:00 and he’s asleep in bed.