Today’s entry is dedicated to Annemarie, Juan, Song, Harpy and Kathe, the five people I know who read this. You all came up today in an online chat I had with Bill throughout the day.

It’s a crappy Monday and Mondays suck. I didn’t want to wake up I slept relatively well. Bill was very cuddly last night which was nice. He came home when I was watching the penultimate broadcast of Rome and started talking but realized I was watching it and kept quiet even though I told him we watched this one the week before. At 9:00 the last episode came on and we watched it.

Or rather I watched as Bill was getting ready for work. He gets ready the night before so as not to turn the lights on while he’s looking for something to wear. He’d walk from one end of the apartment to another and stop to watch or listen to what was going on. He only started watching the show in depth a few weeks ago and didn’t know much of the back story, but does have a pretty good idea after watching I, Claudius a few years ago. Also buying me the dvd boxed set of I, Claudius helped.

I did the mundane routine, you know the drill, shower, shave, cereal, coffee, email and then out the door looking relatively fly. Onto the bus, sat down and buried my self in Claudius the King. It’s due back at the library on the 29th and today is the 26th. Making good progress though I feel the second book isn’t as good as the first. Got to the bus terminal in one piece, and started walking towards the office. But in my mind there was regret. It seems I can’t get beyond leaving Wanker Banker.

It’s almost been a year but I still regret leaving and the circumstances under which I left. I miss my friends that I worked alongside, I miss the building personnel, I miss the hot dog guy from Egypt, I miss the Korean girl who would sell me chocolate chip cookies. I really miss the insurance benefits under which Bill was also covered. But that was then, this is now and I have to get past it. Bill noticed my mood and did his best to get me out of it through instant messaging which really doesn’t work as well as the human voice.

He tried to motivate me by saying that I’m doing this blog and how I should figure out how to get it published. Of course I took the opposite tack, saying that it’s too personal a blog for anyone really and anyway I only have about 5 people who read it on a steady basis. That’s you five in the first line about the dedication. Bill doesn’t read it or even ask how many words I’ve written any more. Would you say it’s publishable?

I prefer to think of this as a collection of things that I can look back and pick and choose incidents, or at least lines that I would use in another project that I’m doing. I wish there would be more comments on things that I’ve written but as for now I’m rudderless. Still I keep writing for some goal unforeseen at this moment.

Waiting for my real life to begin.