Monthly Archives: December 2005

Bittersweet Symphony

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Alan is looking lost. Lost and confused. And badly dressed. It wasn’t his fault. He always looked like his mother dressed him. It’s been over 12 years since his mother passed away though. People are beginning to talk.

He’s a shy guy, a bit nerdy, but genuinely very nice. He’s always willing to chip in and help out no matter what. That’s what made it all so difficult.

It’s up to me to fire Alan. I became his supervisor only a few months ago, and Alan, despite being an excellent worker, doesn’t fit in.

There are other’s I’d rather get rid of. Plenty of non-productive people. But these are orders from on high.

I sound like the losing side of World War II, “I was only following orders.”

I remember a former boss of mine who insisted that it was better to fire someone early in the workweek, therefore you won’t ruin their weekend. I told him that was bullshit, no matter what day, you are fucking up someone’s life regardless.

So here it is, Wednesday and I have to call Alan into my office. The morale of the office has been on the wane, and though I know it’s not Alan’s fault, he is the sacrificial lamb.

I just had the sneaking suspicion that Alan could be the gun enthusiast type, meaning the type to come in and shoot me, or someone else.

The quiet type.

The neighbors’ always cliché, ‘Oh he was nice. Kept to himself. Never saw this happening’ It’s been said so many times already and will probably be said again. Gotta watch out for the quiet types. The ones that keep to themselves. Like Alan. But I got to keep my game face on. Not show any fear.

Yet I also have to appear concerned and compassionate. Three emotional balls I have to juggle.

I could use a drink. But no, it’ll have to wait until after Alan.
I’d ask him out for a drink with me, but that probably wouldn’t be that good an idea.

It’s 3:45 now. I guess I should have him come in here at 4:00. I really don’t want to do this, but I have no choice.

This is the corporate world. I am part of it.

Someday someone will come and give me the ax for whatever reason.

Unless Alan comes in here with a gun and blows my brains out. Wouldn’t be a good idea on Alan’s part though.

And I’m not in favor of it either.

This is such bullshit. I’m paranoid that a coworker of mine is going to kill me because I have to fire him.

I should say lay off instead. Not as harsh as firing. Downsizing is a contemporary word. I could have Alan come in here, have him sit down, look him right in the face and say, “Don’t shoot me.” No wait, that’s not it.

Look him right in the face and say, ‘Alan, the company isn’t doing as well as we had hoped. I’ve been giving orders to start downsizing, and unfortunately Alan, we have to let you go.”

Yeah that sounds good. I can get by with that. Maybe a handshake at the end too.

“Alan, could you come in here please? There’s something I need to discuss with you. Please don’t shoot me”

Ballad of a Thin Man

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Today. Absolute low regarding work. My attitude was better, not bitter. I realize that they simply want to get rid of me. The glocap.com posting was clear enough. Believe me, they don’t want me there anymore, than I want to be there. I’ve figured out that John McGruff has picked my brain regarding what I think a receptionist should make. I did apply to the job to let them know that I know what they’re doing.

Of course I did it all with a smirk on my face, which by the way can’t be transmitted through email. With the fact that Christina, who is generally a nice person, has received double what I’ve gotten for a bonus, it makes it all apparent that it’s definitely time for me to go.

If I get the position I interviewed for, I will have no problem. If I don’t, then I will have to remain in this particular circle of hell, or wait for them to offer me money to go. It’s rather surreal to find the job that you do being posted online. I don’t think they anticipated the fact that I was on the job search engine, the very same engine that they had posted.

Christina has no idea on what I do, yet she’ll be the one to do my job. She really doesn’t have much of a clue to anything really. Her grammar is atrocious, and her skills aren’t all that. I also heard that she really stresses out when I’m not in. She stressed out today.

I injured my back moving some boxes of copier paper. That combined with my increasing stress levels caused a lot of pain. “Hope” type of pain. So I left work early. I wasn’t offered a car service home, merely told to get better. I left the office and faced the bracing wind which was infinitely better and more welcoming that the atmosphere inside the office.

The shape my back is in now, I doubt if I’ll be able to make it to work tomorrow. So I have alternating moods. I get angry, I get hopeful. Not very easy to deal with. Right now, I’m ok. It was depressing. All this shit happening at the end of the year. Perhaps they’ll pay me to leave and offer me a severance package. That would be nice. I doubt it though.

I’m sure you’re tired of reading all about this shit drama. I know I’m tired of writing about it. I will be glad to have these tired ass fat and lazy butches, incompetent presidents, impotent managers all behind me. It can’t happen soon enough. I’ve fantasized about giving my two weeks notice. I used to fantasize about me and Colin Farrell, but now it’s come down to this.

They aren’t just jacking me around. They’re messing with the tech guys, and a few others in the office. Not a very pleasant scene, just my situation is the most blatant. There is my nuclear option that they have no idea about. An option that will catch them with their pants down, and with what could be egg on their face. Or maybe it’s merely post bukake.