Tag Archives: Lunch

Across the Universe

It’s been an up and down kind of 24 hours. Like I may have written earlier in the past week, when I am on my own I find myself in despair. And once again it happened last night, a little after midnight. Just crunching some numbers and found myself a bit upset.

I chatted with an online friend who like my other friends and family was extremely supportive. I also sent out a few applications for work, a little closer to home. Still I went to bed with a heavy heart.

I thought about doing something dishonest and then decided not to, which was good. The dishonest thing would have the potential to bite me on the ass. The reward for being honest was the fact that I wouldn’t be looking over my shoulder all the time.

Bill was asleep while I was going crazy and I soon joined him in our air conditioned bedroom. Surprisingly I slept well.

I woke up and still had the blues and while I showered Bill came in to use the loo. When I came out we talked. I explained the way I was feeling, the fear that I have. I am making less money than before, and that stressed me out.

It’s more money than unemployment but once again I find myself gazing longingly at the past, thinking that at such and such a job, I was making this much. Bill, my rock, reminded me that I will be making a commission which if I play the game right, will help make up for the lower pay.

It’s all about the hustle.

Why is it that other people believe in me a lot more than I believe in me? I am so fucking lucky to have family and friends who are there for me. Some people don’t have that.

Bill sat there and listened as I talked, as I cried. I would love to have a Monday through Friday job, a 9 to 5 job which is what I’ve had for the past 20 years but it’s not that world anymore. And I have to wrap myself around that fact.

I also have to stop looking backwards. My life is not the same as it once was. I won’t be able to take a week off when my sister is in town like I have all the previous years when she came to visit, and now that I can’t I get upset thinking about it.

I was lucky to be able to get 3 days off at least. And that first day Bill arranged for me to take photographs of his band when they rehearse. And also it’s the day before the party so there will be all that running around. It will be catered, pasta and salad. Cash bar.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Bill was great, so understanding, so supportive. A great big hug and his reassurance that he’s here for me. He asked if I wanted to go out for breakfast and I said we could get some bagels and come home but he wouldn’t hear of it. I also expressed that I was upset that our neighbors Mike & Nicole had to move away. I know they had to do it, it’s all for the best, but there’s been so much change in my life this week.

I couldn’t even buy the paper this morning as a way to avoid the bad news that keeps coming through.

So we walked over to Stacks Pancake House and had a very nice breakfast. It was good timing since when we were leaving there was quite a line for breakfast. After that we walked to the supermarket where I bought food for lunch at work.

Got to save money and bring my own lunch in, but more importantly, I have to bring the lunch with me when I head off to work and not leave it behind.

Tonight I am off to the Theater for the New City to see Bill in a play. He plays a child molester. Very creepy and I’m glad he’s not a method actor. I wanted to talk to him about what has been going on in my head after the play, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

I don’t know if I could have lasted that long anyhow. Once I talk about what is going on in my head, it starts the process. I suppose it’s true, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Like I said it’s been a rough 24 hours but I have to take things day by day, if not hour by hour, minute by minute.

And I am so grateful that Bill is there for me. I love him so very much.
A halfhearted smile, but a smile nonetheless.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with the retail world, and working for a commission, I would really like to hear about it.

I work in one of these buildings.

Hang On To Your Ego

Home earlier than usual. It was sanctioned, I put in the word that I would be out of the office from 1:30 this afternoon. I said I had an appointment to tend to. They didn’t ask any questions, but still I will explain it tomorrow somehow.

I made sure everything was taken care of and in any event, if they really needed me, I was just a phone call away. They’ve called me before when I was out of the office so today wouldn’t be any different.

Bill won a raffle last week at his office cafeteria, a lunch for him and his loved one. Not any lunch you see, something with metal utensils, cloth napkins, nice china and a bottle of wine to go with the rack of lamb, salmon and rice and veggies.

I walked out of my office building into a maelstrom, snow and rain flying in all directions. Still I persevered and made it to Bill’s building on time. He came down and met me and we rode the elevator to whatever floor the cafeteria was on.

Bill spoke to the woman who runs the cafeteria and she told us to sit anywhere we’d like. Bill found a prime position which allowed him to show me off to various co-workers. It was fun to meet them, most all of them mentioned that Bill was crazy. In a good way of course, since if he was crazy in a bad way I doubt if they would say things like that in front of him. They were a fun group.



The food was excellent, not your standard cafeteria fare. Rack of lamb, salmon, rice and veggies. I never had salmon before, I generally avoid eating fish, but it turns out salmon is good. I liked it. Can’t say I would go out of my way to order it, but if given the opportunity I would have it again.

Sadly there was no dessert. But who am I to complain after a nice lunch, as well as a couple of glasses with white wine? It was a lovely way to have lunch with my lovely man.

When I left the office at 1:30 I told Greg Stevens and Tom Chin I was heading out and they both said, ‘OK, see you tomorrow’. Since I was a block away from the bus terminal I decided to head on home. I got in the queue for the bus and settled into the last row and cracked open The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell. It’s due today and I would like to finish it on time.

Midway through the slaughter of the Pequot tribe the cellphone rang. It was Casey Chasm. He was apologetic though his voice belied stress. Homeboy is under the gun with studying for the NY Bar exam, and just was laid off, and on top of that, Mrs. Chasm expecting.

I told him it was perfectly understandable. He said how sorry he was to leave like that, he thought it was ok. He had read the blog from Monday you see. What’s done is done and I’m sure he will ace the Bar exam.

I heard from Pedro last night, he had some gruesome details about the chimpanzee attack in Connecticut that were initially reported according to him that weren’t reported since. That the chimp on a rampage bit off the poor woman’s hands, as well as her face.

He said he had heard it on a local Connecticut news station. It is a gruesome story in any event, and it’s happened before. If you Google chimp attacks you’ll see a page full of gross reports. I did look it up to see if what Pedro said was true but couldn’t find anything about that.

Sort of unrelated, but about 12 years ago I heard on the news of a medical study that stated 1 out of every 100 men are immune to HIV.

It was announced at the top of the news hour and reported on and then never mentioned again after that one time. A bit like hearing what Pedro heard about the chimp attack.

Totally unrelated, so far in the past 2 weeks there have been 3 small earthquakes in the Morristown area. I felt the first tremor a few weeks ago, and since then there have been 2 more, less than the original 3.0. It kind of makes me think, is another one, perhaps stronger coming down the way?