Tag Archives: Xanax

I Don’t Know What to Do with My Life

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Well here it is Tuesday forme, Wednesday for you. Not much I can do about it. Not much I can do about anything. I’m in the same boat as a lot of people and as far as I can tell, we are all pretty much miserable.

At least I have Xanax to get me through the day. Others use booze, heroin, whatever may be handy.

The latest twist in the saga of working retail, is that next month, I’ll probably have to participate in Monday Night Football. Not playing it, not watching it, just having to be in the store while the game goes on.

And if there is any one sport that I don’t like, it’s football. I already plan on having a good book to read and I’ll likely be writing at the cigar shop and posting it when I get home, which should be sometime around 2:00 in the morning.

I certainly wasn’t asked, but the new schedule is out and one of those games is on my late shift. I’m not happy about but who the fuck cares? I have a job don’t I? So shut up and stop complaining.

Still I continue to look elsewhere for work, hopefully getting out before the holiday rush, but no one is hiring. No word from CVS, Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts. And no word from that guy Ian who offered me a job last month.

Perhaps he’s a flake. He did say I should hear something mid- September or by the end of the month and that is rapidly approaching.

Work was the usual stupid nonsense. Redundant? Perhaps. The ride to work was more of the banal. Sat there at the bus stop as the 10:15AM rolled past me, opting for the 10:30 bis instead. It wasn’t a crowded bus, still some familiar faces got on.

No Angie Baby, but the tattooed guy from the summer walked on board. His birth date is tattooed in a digital manner and it surprisingly matched the small tea cup saucers embedded in his earlobes.

I got off the subway with about 25 minutes to spare and just sat on a bench across from the cigar shop. The Xanax had kicked in so I didn’t really care much. It was Marcus, Calvin and Don with Sean coming in after school.

Some of the regulars floated in and out of the cigar shop and stationed themselves in the back room. Since Don was on the shift, I was able to leave the shop for my lunch hour for the first time in days. It really made a difference, to be able just to go outside instead of looking at the same four walls I would be stuck with for ten hours.

I wandered over to yet another bench by the park, had a cigar and read some of the New Yorker. I miss having a camera. I have a cellphone camera, but it’s definitely not the same thing.

I left the shop, around 9:13 tonight and to my surprise it was pouring out. I never see the weather outside. Still I plugged in the second half of the Buzzcocks, A Different Kind of Tension. Mainly heard I Don’t Know What to Do with My Life, Money, Hollow Inside, and A Different Kind of Tension.

By the time I got to the bus terminal, I Believe came on and since that is a 7 minute song, I’ll round the time to 17 minutes and 15 seconds. Probably would have been shorter, but it was raining after all.

That’s about all I have to write about. Bill is sore after training with a physical trainer.

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Yes it’s been a steady rain today and quite windy. It was that way last night. I only went out once today to get some groceries that I neglected to get yesterday. And of course when I got home I realized that I forgot to get Stevia.

The weather has been affecting my sinuses but it’s manageable as long as I don’t have to physically interact with people. Phone is fine, online chatting is fine, Facebook is fine. But face to face? Forget about it. It’s best for all concerned I believe.

I was invited to see my nephew Brian in a play at his school, somewhere upstate. But with the weather and my sinuses I begged off. The same with Pedro. It’s his birthday today and he invited me up to Otisville but once again I said no thanks.

Otisville could even be close to my nephew’s school and perhaps I could have done both but here I am in front of a computer in Hoboken. Like I said, it’s best for all concerned.

Last night I found myself close to the blues. The mood, not the music. Watched Bill Maher and realized that I really can’t stand Bill Maher. I don’t know if I will watch it again. I guess it would depend on who his guests are.

I would prefer it if Maher wasn’t on his own show, just having the guests on with a different host, a host who didn’t think they were the most clever person in the hemisphere.

After that, the Simpsons and Craig Ferguson. I wound up going to bed not because I was tired but because I was bored. Maybe closed my eyes for about five minutes before I tossed and turned beset with anxiety.

Bill wasn’t home yet and I found myself worried. That sound on the street, was it a fight? Was someone attacking Bill? Was I going have to go down in the rain in my boxer briefs and crack some skulls? I got out of bed and checked Google Latitude which said he was a block away from the Path train.

I took a Xanax and went back to bed. Before I fell asleep Bill came home and told me of the fight he had out on the street, how he yelled my name and wondered where I was.
No, That didn’t happen.

For some reason Google Latitude said he was by the Path train and he was actually taking the bus. He was safe and sound on the couch and I soon fell fast asleep, anxiety free.

Slept the best I had in days actually. Had an interesting dream where a classmate from grammar school, Joyce- had opened a day spa in Hoboken in what looked like the basement apartment I lived in in the 1980’s.

In the dream, Joyce hadn’t grown since 1976 and to kiss her hello I had to bend down on my knees.

What? It last dream before I woke up.

I watched Gosford Park this afternoon and was overwhelmed by how good it was. If only for the phenomenal cast. Great story (sort of figured it out midway through), great performances.

I was blown away. I only regret not watching it sooner. Great direction by Robert Altman naturally. I might even watch it again with Altman’s commentary.

Bill should watch it, so I will probably hang onto it so he can.

I also watched the extras disc from Near Dark which I enjoyed more than the actual movie last night. Interviews with Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen , Jeanette Goldstein and Katheryn Bigelow.

Happy birthday Pedro!