Tag Archives: Xanax

I Don’t Like Mondays

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Well it’s a Saturday and it’s been a day off and from what I can tell nice day weather wise. It’s been alright, I’ve been relatively busy though operating on a low flame. Not that I am ill or anything like that. Physically I feel fine.

All week long I was looking forward to going to Maxwells to support Rand and the Kirby Enthusiasm art show. I spent most of the day killing time, cleaning the apartment, getting some groceries and running errands.

Went to the bibliothèque and picked up a couple of things on hold for me and a stop at the dry cleaners to pick up some clothes. I came home and watched some television, not watching anything in particular. All in all it’s been a nothing day really. Lying low basically.

Last night I was home at a decent hour after work, Bill was off working on the play. I watched Bill Maher and then the news. Surprisingly (or maybe not) there was nothing to watch. Bill came home and we talked for a while before he went to bed.

I soon joined him, falling fast asleep. I slept fairly well, probably from the Xanax I had taken 12 hours before. The day before at the cigar shack was so soul crushing that I needed to let things slide and it certainly helped. And the comedown was pleasant enough to insure a good night’s sleep.

The sleep was good enough to make me sleep later than I expected, awoken once more by Bill kissing me good bye for the day. Bill had a full day, a voice lesson and then picking up his cousin’s son (whom he calls his nephew) to work alongside Bill on the play for some school project.

I did go walk around Hoboken for a spell this afternoon. Not much going on anywhere, so my walk was short lived. After coming home and having something to eat, as well as my Saturday phone call to Annemarie I started to get ready to go to Maxwells for the Kirby Enthusiasm show.

I took my time since I was watching a DVD and also downloading some Everly Brothers tracks as well as some Dave Edmunds and a couple of Elvis Presley songs. I wasn’t sure how cool it was outside since on the fifth floor of my building it was quite windy with the windows open.

I did get it together and started to head out. I also called CREDO since I checked my smartphone account. I was near my 300 text limit and couldn’t figure out how that happened so fast. I called CREDO and spoke to customer service.

They told me that my texting including the sending and receiving of texts as well as photographs, which I’ve been sending quite often. So I upgraded my text messaging and downgrading my phone plan because it seems I only talk to my sister and Bill. A trade off of sorts I guess.

Around 5:00 I decided to finally head out the door. But of course I didn’t actually hit the street until 25 minutes later. I walked up Washington Street, listening to the Bongos on the iPod. On the way I saw a young mother with a toddler and a baby in the carriage about to go into the building.

The toddler climbed the stoop to open the door for the mother. I figured the mother would need help carrying the carriage up the front steps so I offered to help. It was no big deal. I was smoking a cigar and lodged it in the front grate and then helped the mother up the four or five steps. After helping her out, I reclaimed my cigar and walked up the boulevard towards Maxwells.

Inside it was busy enough, people coming in for Saturday night dinners. I walked in and some guy waved to me so I waved back even though I had no idea who he was. I didn’t know anyone there so I looked at the art hanging on the wall. Great stuff, many different artists.

After a few minutes I still didn’t see anyone I knew. It was almost like the first time I went to Maxwells, just a feeling of unease from not knowing anyone. I did check in on my smartphone and decided I might have a better signal outside. Standing on the sidewalk I had a smoke and checked my bank account online and saw it was dangerously low.

I decided to head towards the river, planning on sitting on a bench. As I walked away, out of the corner of my eye I did see someone I knew, but didn’t really hang out with back in the day. Now he approached with one of his kids. I figured he didn’t see me so I had the advantage and kept walking, not turning around.

I turned the corner and felt better at being unseen. It was then I felt it would be best to go home. I saw the artwork and liked it, but couldn’t afford a pint or anything else, including a friend’s band playing in the back room as part of the Kirby Enthusiasm event. I felt bad but what could I do.

Perhaps pride got me going home, or perhaps it was shame at not having the funds. Still it was a way to save face. I feel better being home now, regretting not seeing any friends but I was there and they weren’t. Now they are there probably and I am not. That’s how it goes I suppose.

Bibliotheque





heading home


I Believe In Father Christmas

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Just had a nap where I was in the southern part of Lodi, waiting to get a Frappuccino at Starbucks. A cover version of What’s My Name by the Clash played as I found myself trying to find where the Starbucks was that I left to escort a young woman from the coffee shop.

It was a rust belt version of Lodi, old machines decomposing in the deserted industrial areas. It should have been easy to find since it was across the street from Immaculate Conception high school. Inside it was dismal, with a few people milling about waiting for their beverages.

My server was actually someone who used to work at a pub in Saddle Brook called Gleason’s. I was doing some leaping and running as well as scaling down some iron walls designed like steppes while trying to get back to the Starbucks.

My knee was no trouble at all in the dream. Lots of running and jumping but still no Frappuccino.

I guess the Frappuccino was in my subconscious after getting an email from the corporation telling me I could get a free download of summer songs if I just go into the Starbucks. Although I wound up in Lodi in the dream I believe the Starbucks was actually in the vicinity of the cigar shack. There is no escaping the cigar shack.

A nap when the weather is close to 100 degrees outside is very nice. A fan blowing on my half dressed body as I lay on top of the bed was quite nice. I didn’t sleep too well last night and that helped with the nap. A Xanax that I took earlier in the day certainly helped quite a bit.

The Xanax came in handy when I made a phone call to someone. It was a day off and I tried calling them twice in the past week, left voice mails both time. This person usually calls me up and is generally upset that I never call.

Of course I never take into consideration that they have a phone that cannot dial out, they can only receive calls for some reason.

A few weeks previous this person contacted me about going to see a benefit show at Maxwells on June 29. I explained that it’s Bill’s birthday that day and depending on my work schedule I wasn’t sure at the time whether or not I would be able to make it.

It turns out that I was able to request that day and the next day off, not actually days off but when Calvin does the schedule I would like to be able to be off and make up those days off later in that week or around that time.

Well the person on the phone seemed harried as I walked around outside in the record high temperatures answering his questions concisely. He asked if I was upset about something, remarking that it sounded like I was angry with him. I explained that I wasn’t angry or upset, far from it, thanks to the Xanax.

Well it turns out that I wasn’t able to buy the tickets locally in Hoboken, that I would have to make the purchase online when I got home. That was no problem.

But what actually did upset me was the fact that me and the guy at the other end of the phone were once quite close and I do make an effort to rebuild what past we may have had, but sometimes it gets so hard to do so.

It’s not always like this but on occasion there is such a chemical reaction between the two of us that it almost always ends badly. And today was just like that.





Farewell to Harbor House, the Hoboken rehab center. Must've been some party...