Tag Archives: The Changeling

Dear Mr. Fantasy

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Listening to Mumford & Sons. They were on Letterman the other night. I really liked the song. Enough so to download a few tracks. Well it’s not all that. Perhaps they pull it off live, but all the songs have sameness to them which isn’t very exciting.

The song they sang on Letterman was Little Lion Man which was excellent. The studio version is decent. Another good song is Dustbowl Dance. But the rest merely leaves me whelmed.

What is actually really good are the tracks I’ve gotten from Hot Chip. Now that is something special. Well worth investigating. And danceable in parts. They’ve even taking to use a live drummer on some songs which could only help.

I watched the rest of the Terry Jones documentary on Barbarians and that was very good. Left me wanting for more, but there were no extras. They should hire Terry Jones to do more things like that. I received my bus pass in the mail yesterday and today I returned it via the mail.

No need for it. I was going to drop it off last night but I was here waiting for the cable guy to arrive. The scheduled visit was until 8:00 but Cablevision found someone in West New York who drove down here.

He was a handsome chap who thought I was smoking a blunt which I wasn’t but wished I was. He swapped the swapped box with an HD box which is fine if we had an HD TV but since we don’t all the channels that are in HD are now in letterbox format and if it’s not in HD then the whole screen is filled.

The cable guy noticed a picture of my mother and me in Amish country, 1976. We’re standing next to a sculpture of a pretzel and the cable guy asked if it was a real pretzel. I explained that it wasn’t. He asked when the picture was taken and I told him 1976. He then mentioned how cool it must have been living in the 1970’s!

Mom-Me

According to Harpy we’ll have more space on the DVR to record. But we haven’t recorded anything yet. Bill came home after rehearsing his latest play. He says I will love it and I guess we’ll have to wait and see about that. I am looking forward to seeing it though.

I have a few movies from the library that are recommended. My brother Frank suggested The Changeling by Clint Eastwood and starring Angelina Jolie and John Malkovich. Old Boy, a Korean film was suggested by Michael Hill, a friend from McSwells days whom I ran into the other day.

Hellboy which I hadn’t seen but caught part of it’s sequel, Hellboy 2 last night and I was entertained. Next Day Air got some decent reviews when it came out last year and I do like Donald Faison and Mos Def, so it’s good that they’re in it.

And finally Passing Strange which Bill and I saw at the Public Theater a few years ago. We loved it and it was on PBS a few weeks ago, so we recorded it. Never got around to seeing it that way since the box went kaput, so here is the DVD. So I have plenty of things to watch if I’m in the mood.

Tomorrow I’m going to see an exhibit of artifacts from the Titanic with my niece Corrine and my sister in law Elaine. Corinne asked me and I simply couldn’t refuse, nor did I want to. It should be fun, something out of the ordinary which is what I am always after.

I did get a haircut for the occasion. A trip to Mr L’s where Tony did his magic. He asked me about how the research for hair cutting was going and nearly dropped his shears when I told him one school wanted $12,000 and the other wanted $16,000.

Not like the $900 he had to pay all those years ago at Atlas Barber School. I would go there if they had financial aid but they don’t.

If I was a veteran or had a disability or in their words: No financial aid is available. We are approved for Veterans, Immigration, and for Vocational and Educational Services of Individuals with Disabilities (VESID). I tell you they (vets, immigrants and the disabled) have it dead easy.

And that’s the thing I want to do, be a barber. Not a stylist. Don’t want to learn make up, manicures, pedicures, rinsing, coloring or any of that stuff. Just a hair cut.

And it’s the other stuff that is putting me off.

2.20.10 etc 002

Gulls!

Gulls!


Nice enough day for some painting I reckon

Nice enough day for some painting I reckon

Me, post haircut
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Hymn of the Big Wheel

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Well today is a better day. It’s because I took a Xanax. Now some people frown upon the fact that I occasionally take a Xanax, but then again those people haven’t set foot in my size 12’s.

And what those people think actually has an effect on me taking some medication to feel better. Today I decided to ignore their opinions, worries and fears and it’s not a surprise that I actually feel better.

It’s my choice and I try not to judge what other people do in their lives or what they might do to make them happy, but I can safely say over the past few days I’ve never felt as despondent as I have. I appreciate their worry and concern but I do have to look out for myself first.

And I’m glad that I did.

Whether or not they’re glad about the reason I’m feeling better is something that I obviously cannot be concerned about. And it’s not like I take a Xanax every day, maybe one every two weeks at best.

Last night was a roller coaster of emotion for me. Bill came home after having deep tissue massage on his knees and we chatted a bit. At one point I decided to open myself up and actually tell him what was going on in my mind.

I told him how depressed I was and said a few other things, open ended stuff, hoping for some sort of feedback. I never got it. So my last statement on that matter was ‘this was my attempt to open up and talk about what is going on with me.’

That seemed to have gone unheard.

It hurt and reminded me of my Arcade Fire meltdown with my brother Frank. I was losing it and needed to talk to Frank about it, but he wasn’t having it, thinking I was baiting him for an argument. I am a firm believer in talking things out, but if there is no one responding to what I am talking about, it is basically useless.

Sure there are a few friends I can call, but even then I go unheard and wind up listening to everything they have to say about themselves with little or no input on my end. I generally would like to talk about what is going on with me.

If I believed in therapy for myself that would be the way to go, but since I don’t, it is not the way for me. Anyone else gets something out of therapy is fine, but for me it requires too much of a commitment that I am willing to make.

I was fairly distant with Bill most of the night. We watched all the comedy shows on NBC. Community was funny, Parks and Recreation not so much. The Office was OK as was 30 Rock, but those could be attributed to my lousy mood.

Bill went to bed soon after that and gave me a hug which was when he noticed that I wasn’t doing so well. I then explained what was going on, how I said I was so depressed and needed to hear some feedback from him and that since I didn’t I shut down and realized that whatever I was feeling, I would have to work through it on my own.

And perhaps even if Bill was there for me in that sense, I would still have to work through it on my own. He looked crestfallen and I felt bad dropping that on him before he went to bed.

Not that it kept him awake. As soon as his head hits the pillow he is out. This morning, Bill did make it a point to say he would be more attentive to my situation when he’s at home and in my groggy haze of the morning I told him I appreciated it and also apologized for my timing.

I should have brought it up right away when it was happening rather than feeling hurt and shutting down most forms of communication. I usually try to do that, but last night I was too far gone.

And like I said, I am better now.

Just got a phone call from my former boss Ashish. His first words? ‘Sounds like you’ve been drinking!’ Why does everyone think I drink all the time? He said I could use him as a reference which was gracious of him.