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I Honor U

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OK. Last night I was really bitter when I wrote what I wrote. No regrets. In fact I even went so far as to title the entry as ‘Bitter’. And I went to bed bitter. I woke up depressed. Filled with despair. After a shower and some coffee I went to drop off some shirts at the dry cleaners and then a trip to the supermarket where my favorite cashier, Isis was grouchy and unavailable.

There is a new manager in the supermarket and she might have forced Isis to close her lane early, leading to Isis being very much a sourpuss. I came home, had some breakfast and did some laundry. Still the day was edged with the blues, very dark blues.

During one of the laundry cycles my phone rang and saw it was the cigar shack, the source of my depression. I did not take the call and it went to voice mail. Then I made the mistake of checking the voice mail.

Once again, a day off that was scheduled is going to be rescinded since ‘someone’ has to work while Bradley & Thomas host an event at a nearby overpriced steakhouse, paired with cigars at the shack. It was upsetting. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t call back. I will deal with it tomorrow when I return to the cigar shack. I’ll be working with Zack and Bradley who will have come back after having 5 days off. I will wait for whomever to bring it up.

The dismal sunny day continued and I finally gave in and had a Xanax. It’s been months since I last took one it did the job. Taking the edge off of everything and leaving everything dull and sleepy. I walked around Hoboken, looking for a new watch band.

The old one that I got with my Timex a while ago was leather and finally falling apart through wear and tear. It was being held together by rubber bands I was starting to find that unsightly. I remembered a store on First Street in Hoboken and walked over there only to find they moved a block and a half away.

They rented space in a building that used to be warehouse, now it’s mainly where some friends and artists and craftspeople have their studios and workspaces. I asked if they had watch bands and had to explain what I meant. They showed me what they had which was quite meager at best.

Since I was down by the Path train I opted to head into the city, just a quick jaunt. I notice that a lot of shoe repair places also have watch bands and will even put them on the watch which seemed unlikely from the store in Hoboken. I found one near where my friend Jesse works and got my old watch band replaced after saying a hearty hello to Jesse.

Then I just hopped on the bus back to Hoboken, spending more time traveling in and out of the city than actually being in the city.

Came home and took a nap which seemed to have put me right, leaving me to think I should have just taken a nap after waking up this morning.


07 Uneasy Sunny Day Hotsy Totsy

I Don’t Want You Back (Fuck It!)

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I just don’t really understand it, it seems to be a time thing. This time last year I was feeling very much the same only not as intense as I feel now. Last year was a time of uncertainty and nit still is and like last year I am subject to the whims of the universe and man are they kicking my ass.

It is affecting my sleep, at least last night it did. I can’t seem to shut off my brain which leaves me to lay in bed, listening to air escaping from Bill’s sleep apnea mask which is better than his snoring. I went to bed at a decent hour and closed my eyes and tossed and turned and then after about 30 minutes got out of bed, took 2 melatonin tablets and surfed the net for about 20 minutes.

Then I went back to bed and waited for the melatonin tablets to kick in. I guess they did since I did do something resembling sleep, but I wouldn’t call it restful and I wouldn’t say nit was enough. Bill kissed me goodbye saying all the nice things he usually does and I couldn’t even open my eyes. I did speak to him but I really don’t know what we were talking about or even if we were talking about anything besides the usual morning ‘I Love You’.

He left and I stayed in bed eventually getting out about an hour later. Then it was the same thing, shower, coffee, cereal. I was out again on Washington Street waiting for the bus, oblivious to most everything and feeling a few steps behind everyone else in the world.

Neighbor Deborah got on at the next stop and since I didn’t see her in about a week I chewed her ear off. It was quite an interesting story and funny thanks to the spin I put on it. The story consumed the entire bus ride into the city and she was sympathetic as well as supportive, reminding me of a possibility next month which we had discussed in the past.

I got to the cigar shack area and killed sometime before heading in. It was Thomas and Frank Burns (who really does look like a possum when he does not wear his eyeglasses and eats) at the controls. It was fairly busy today so there wasn’t much time to get in each other’s way.

At lunch time I planned on sitting on that bench near the park but found it to be too cold so I went back to the man cave and sat and read the New Yorker (Food Issue- yawn) and Mojo Magazine which wasn’t as engrossing as I hoped. Jimmy Seltzer made an appearance as did My Friend My Friend.

Now it’s just Thomas and I and we are actually doing things. Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day with a staff meeting at the end of a 10 hour shift. Jerry Vale, Zack, Frank Burns, Thomas and I. Should be a nightmare, at least. I don’t think I will post tomorrow so I will post on Sunday instead.